Childhood Memories What Do They Mean To You
Do not cover up your pain with the things that you say and do. This is what you do to try to feel better but it does not work. It only widens the distance to where you want to be. In your attempt to protect your feelings you hurt the feelings of others and this is never good; of course, you know this for your life has told you so. No matter how fast you run you cannot run from the memories that cause you so much pain and misery. And to pretend you do not think those thoughts will not make life easier, in fact the cycle continues. By the minute, day or month you are up just to come back down to where you never left.
You know, even if no one else does, what bothers you the most about your childhood has not gone away. You cannot stave off those thoughts of days long past that hound you from far away. They may be in the distance yet they feel so close to you today. Emotional hurt and pain is a symptom that not all is well with how you think. No new boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife or even children will change this. If you want to change how you feel, you must change how you think.
You cannot live in the past, so why should you let the past live in you. Let what you do speak for you, not what has been done to you. To some degree, this has happened to most of us. It is how you think about your thoughts. And, of course, your thoughts are the things that you have to think.
Your husband or wife, or not having either, does not cause the pain. Neither your employer nor your friends are the cause of the pain that you feel. When all has been said, the pain that you feel is caused by no one other than you for you have not done what you need to do to resolve the issues going around in your head. It does not matter the source but the time and place was your dysfunctional childhood and family life. It could be from abuse, lack of nurturing and caring, neglect, bullying or some other interference, whatever the source the effect on your growth and development was all the same. This kind of treatment breeds low self-esteem and insecurity that only you can allow to continue.
Remember, it is not the job, the neighbor or anyone else or thing. The source of your pain is how you think. It is not the real you that they see when they look your way. You have hidden your Self under layers of hurt and pain.
You have struggled long to come out. No one knows the real you for you have not shown your Self to them. You have been afraid to look at you. When will you let the real you show up? There are times when no one is around that you let the hurt pour out. Not word can be heard for no one is that to hear cry but you. It hurt so bad not to be yourself. It aches in your heart. There are times when you need to feel that one person, just one, love you for who you are. But how can they when all they know is what they see you do. You have been wounded by your hurt. Remember this: “I” comes before you, they, them, we and us. When “I” do not come first, life will be disordered until “I” do.
Memories of hurt and pain from the past, will change when you change how you think. You have to understand this for what it is. How it influences your thoughts. It cannot be said enough. When how we think and act is the result of the pain we feel, we must trace our pain to where it leads. That would be our childhood.
Your childhood is real and the effect that it has on you is real. You must look back one last time. First, though, you have to stop your defensive behavior, which takes work and practice. It is no different; though, from other efforts that require repetition. You have to drop your guard, remove the façade while at the same time keeping your emotions under control. This is one of the few times self-control has a useful purpose. For when your self-esteem and image of yourself is at the level it should be, there is no need for self-control. You are then the real you, the person you were meant to be all along.
If the trip back through the hurt and pain is too difficult to take, try being me and I will be you. It will help you understand how the millions who suffer here, and around the world may feel. How they act is a way to learn about you. When you change how you think, it can be done. You are not alone. Yes, many of us have been hurt. The pain has its roots in and grows from a life being interfered with. This is where others have added “clutter” to an already hurting mind. You have to go back to this point as painful as it may be. It is there where your path to a right way of thinking begins. That your view may be clouded by time does not change a thing. You were a child in an adult world. It does not matter. It is the thoughts of your childhood that hurts. This is all for you and is meant to help you understand why you think, feel and act the way that you do. You will have to wonder no more
Is what you see when you look the way you remember it to be? Some things you can change; others you have to change how you think about them. The past will never be changed. Memories of days since passed should not be your guide. This is for a good reason. What you can recall about the past can change. Then your memories are more false than not. They tell you what was, not what is or what is going to be.
You can go to the past in your mind when you want, just remember to come back. There is no room there. The time is filled with life that has already been lived and the past leaves no space for rearrangement of any of the pieces. All of the space has been taken. It is not meant for us to spend more time thinking about what was, more than what is. Even when you imagine the future, it should be done with a degree of restraint.
If you suffer, and there is not just one way, you do not know why for if you knew why, you would not suffer. The why is, you tell yourself, at times, in ways you are not aware of, that you are not worthy. You think that you are not good enough; that you do not deserve to be yourself and be happy. Do not say that in any form. If you do, know that it is not true. The Self does not want to hear it. When you hurt yourself, there is a memory that has hurt you. When love is not there, the place where it should be will not be left empty. Hurt will fill its place.
The drive to survive is born with us. It is the first law of nature. Do no harm to what has been given. This will cause grief and will harm others in your life, as well. Most of the problems in our lives today are caused by how we think. Not what others think about us. We bring these problems on ourselves. Many times, it is when we think we know the thoughts of others as well as we know our own.
It is my hope that what I have said will have meaning to you and that it helps to heal your mind from the hurt and pain from a time long passed. Yes, it is your childhood, look back and move on. If not you, whom?
It Is How You Think
Just Want to Be Normal
When making a presentation about my childhood growing up with low self-esteem and being insecure a member of the audience asked: “what is normal anyway.” And as her voice trailed off, I could hear her say, “there is no such thing as normal.” This is when I gave her my definition, which I had never heard anyone say before. I said to her, “you know when you are not” that is how I define normal.
Growing up there were few places where I did not feel as if I were an outsider. What I wanted to feel most, is normal. Just like the other kids, at least, that is what I was telling myself for they appeared to be living a normal life to me. I did not know, then, what I know now. What I was reaching for, was my Self. Instead, what I got was all else but this that I sought. There was a feeling in me that was causing me great pain and I could not move away from it. My mind and soul were shouting look at me I am somebody too.
I was crying out in silence; of course, no one could hear what I was feeling. They could only see what I was doing. It seemed they would only look when there was not one good thing to see. I did do many things right. Though I could not let the right things be and I would find a way to overshadow any good I had done. It did not change, as I grew older. It hurt not to know why.
Others did feel the sting of some of my actions. Even so, the things I would do hurt me the most. I owned them. This I knew. My life would not let me forget. The change did not come easy but came it did. There is a way and I have found it. All I want to do now is share it with those who are still suffering.
I just wanted to be normal. You know when you are not.
This presentation is about labels and what they mean to us. And yes, we all have them. This is clear for most of us. Even so, you will hear it this time in a way you have not heard it before.
Here’s Looking at You
No one is immune to the urge to look, no one.
Some may turn away when you do it, but they like for it to be done and quite thrilled to do it too. Looking is what we do. And when who you are looking at is doing the same to you, why act as if you do not know what to do. A look your way, words they say can be a there you go or an oh no. A flip of the hair, a slight grin will tell you if it is out or in. You give a glance, or two, and you see they are looking back at you. I am not staring, I just like what I see. And how would you know that I am looking at you if you were not doing the same to me?
The sense of sight let us see what we smell, taste, touch, and hear.
Vision or sight is how we see the world. We do this by input from the senses. They tell the brain what they smell, taste, touch, hear and see. Then the brain sends commands to the body. And perceptions are then formed in the mind for us to have thoughts to think. Our thoughts are based on what we receive, and are formed in the mind to be recorded by the brain. Our mind is where we think our thoughts and it suggests to us what to do with them. We have the choice to overrule the mind if need be. It is where perception has its roots. The senses are tools for the brain.
Probably most people would agree—I know that I do—that sight is the most precious of the five senses. We look out with our eyes and look in with our mind. The human eye is the organ that gives us the sense of sight. It allows us to learn more about the world that we live in than we do with any of the other four senses. We use our eyes in most of the activities that we do Many of us fear the loss of sight more than any other disability. And we humans rely on our sense of sight more than a lot of other animals. Many animals use their sense of smell much as we use our sight. And for sure, the best way to know that “it” is real is to see it.
Night or day, our eyes each time that we open them send all that they see back to the brain where a permanent record is kept. It is much the same as a video camera; though, there is no erase button. All of the things that we look at are sent to our brain for processing and storage. Of course, there are things we see that we cannot get enough of and others that we do not want to ever see again. Either way, the picture will forever more be there in your mind. The sense of sight is considered the most complex of the five senses for good reason. Most all of the activities that we do we will need to see. And I am sure without the ability to see, you would have to touch it and smell it to become aroused. There is certainly not a thing wrong with that.
The Odd Couples
Looking is as natural as sex, and arousal does not have to be taught. What we see as beautiful is not as natural for it is influenced by the “world” that we live in. And yes, it is also about being told what or whom should be attractive to us.
You can certainly be deceived by all of the senses, even so sight will give you the best signs and signals that “it”—whatever it may be—is the real thing. There is no doubt; however, that you and your mind have to do their work. It is not nice to be fooled and there is quite a bit of foolery going on.
To know what turns us on is best known if we can see it. But it has come to the point of even seeing is not always believing. With all of the cover-ups, pushups and aides in getting it up you can hardly trust what your eyes are telling you. And for that matter, what you feel, when you are feeling it.
You hear all the time that men are visual creatures. Well, I am here to tell you that women are as much or more so. It goes something like this: The face, the hair, and the breast (for men), the crotch (for both), the butt (for both) and the legs (for men).
(insert men looking women) Now that is the way we see it. And you have to savor those things that you like. Because you cannot see, smell, taste or touch the mind, it is the last thing most of us think about. Though you can tell a great deal about how some/most females think by how they act. And I say female, not woman because you can distinguish the gender of most animals by how they act. I observe nature, daily; the human animals, and other animals as well. I have done this for the past eight years with few exceptions.
Here are other characteristics to take notice of when observing the women among us. Now ladies you know it is true, now don’t you. But if my observations are not correct and I have misinterpreted my data, this is where you should correct the error in my analysis. Now men and boys here is what you do. Watch the movement of her body and look at her from head to toe and you will see what they consider their best assets. This would be your focus. Pay special attention to how they move and where they place their hands. And remember, it is not so much what they say as much as it is how they say it and, of course, every move sends some kind of message. At times, it comes from the subconscious and they are not even aware of it. It is nature, it is natural and that is how we were created to be.
When a woman or girl know you have homed in on them, even before you speak, your eyes will have done the heavy lifting. The eyes, alone, can draw the object of your affection straight into your head. Once the eyes lock not a word has to be said. Male or female nature will take its course. It is the connecting of souls and the meeting of minds. Even so, there are women who will look—on the sly—and see you looking at them and they then pretend to not see you. They will turn their heads and try to distract themselves with self-control. They will play with their hair, look at their watch or start fiddling with their phone or act as if there is a thing of interest somewhere else. They are afraid of their feelings.
We see with our eyes and envision with our mind and we will feel what comes next. You either act on your feeling or move on and just let it be. The image and what you have been thinking will move further back in your memory, but one thing you cannot do is “unsee” what you have seen. And you cannot “unfeel” the feelings. It will be with you and so will the feelings. Feelings that are as natural as the air that we breathe. Do not feel guilt from thinking and feeling what you do. Yes, it has been made almost taboo to think and feel some of the things that we do. But one thing that is for sure, no one can know other than you what is on your mind. They only know how you act. And yes, there are some, unfortunately, who do not trust themselves to be looked at nor look.
Depending on the relationship, you may not be “allowed” to let your eyes go where they want to go. Whether you are married, single, a relative or friend your eyes are there to do just one thing, to see. Of course, when your eyes move, you have then acted on your feelings. It is, for sure, at this point where you will know if your analysis of what you see is correct, or not.
What you see at a distance may not look the same up close. Fantasy is built on the wings of imagination. And some things are enjoyed best from afar. What you see is what you get, but is it what you want.
The Eyes Are Talking
I would say that it is just human if we were the only ones with a mating ritual. We are not, of course, for the attraction to the opposite sex is what keeps creation, evolution and life alive. Without the desire to “mate” and the feeling during and at the climax of intercourse, there would be no sex. It is the incentive that was created in us and almost all living things. The strongest drive that we have, and it is core “mechanism” of our survival is the desire for sex. And the accelerant is what we see and how we feel when we see it. The “original” man would copulate, almost on the spot, for the furtherance of the species. The drive appears to have been stronger then out of necessity. And of course, there was no shame. It was much like you see other animal mate today. Whenever aroused, and I am all but sure that it was quite often, nature would take its course, any time or any place.
By nature, sex it is still at the core of the creation of life and is the base of survival of the species. In the beginning, sex more likely than not was the sole reason for wanting to mate. Not so much love and affection. We are now as we were then; attracted first, by what we see. And what we see can have a different effect on you than on me. You may find an average to “lower weight” person more attractive. For me, I may appreciate the qualities of a larger mate. What you see as pretty, I may not like as much or at all. It is how each of us perceive what we see, and want.
They say it is not nice to stare, but who is staring? How would you know? Perhaps it is just a coincidental look or glance; not everyone is on the make. Some have tried and all have failed to make what is a natural thing to do against the law—to be illegal. The ones who do not care for the natural state of “man” and what we do, say that we should be punished or fined for lingering when we look at the female form. They call it ogling, “reckless eyeballing,” or some such thing. Others have suggested that it is an invasion of a woman or girls privacy. I say do not invite me in if you do not want me to stay, at least for a while. We, female and male alike, usually will not focus long on that, which turns us off or are not appealing to our libidinous taste. Our minds are always on the prowl for at least something to think, it is what it does. It could be for most anything that it is aware of.
You try so hard to be attractive and go to great lengths to make it so. Then when it is not the object of your affection or someone you find “attractive” who looks your way some of you are offended. Hold up, this can be man or woman, girl or boy. It’s as if the only eyes that are allowed to see you are the ones you want. That is not being real no matter how you look at it. Take the bitter with the sweet, they both can be a treat, and at the right time and place, it could be said quite neat.
We will not bend nature to our will. It is by nature that we have the ability to hear, taste, touch, smell, and yes see. And what we see can do what no other of the senses can do; bring on the heat. It is a fire that burns within us, it is the warmth by which we live. When the fire dies down, so does your desire.
But for some, the fire burns more bright and longer than for others. You may say this is all just being an animal. Sure, you are right, that is exactly what you are. We act as if we are so civilized. If you want to know how we are not, observe another animal species and then you will know.
Look Into My Eyes
Think About This Before You Go
Are there equals beyond math? I am not at all sure there is one thing equal to another. Have you ever known equals; ask yourself that and let us know your answer. At the least, tell yourself what you think. How about your family and work life? Is anyone equal in those environments. How about the church, school at work and any number of other places, are there equals to be found among these folks. Even when there are groups with the same rank, they are not equal among themselves or their influence on others. Think about it before you leave. Better yet, why don’t you stick around, there is much to consider.
Here is another situation where the results may not be what is expected from a seemingly equally shared effort. When you go ‘fifty-fifty” with another in a task you would expect the same compensation for your effort, which would be the normal thing to want. It is best; though, to realize that it will not be equal. Even if shared that way. From the very start, for each one, the motivation will not be the same. So then, the effort put forth will not be the same. There is no true way to measure, how can you know. This is how it is when there is more than one person or thing to consider.
Are all things that are viewed as equal, equal? To be equal; what is it—you may ask. Is it more than a feeling? In some relationships, if not most, it is what it is thought to be, or not to be. And that is the question. What are the benchmarks? How will you know when it has been reached? Those are the questions that must be answered and how do you do that; with another question for there is no answer that will satisfy for long. And for the would-be leaders, they are not looking to be equal, their goal is to be better.
You think you know it when you see it. For many, it is a state of mind. It is what you see it as being. What it is, is fluid and open to change with a change in the status of those who seek to know. There is no agreed way to measure what is yours and what is mine. With that being so, equal or the “state” of equality many times is no more than what you feel it to be. It is a thought by those who feel they need to be equal—that unknown “entity.” The search for equality can have no end, for life and relationships are not static, they are forever changing. Some keep up while others fall behind.
There is not a thing in life that we can say beyond a doubt, is equal to another. This is when looked at through the lens of equality. It is a goal that is out of reach because it does not exist beyond conception. Life was not designed to march in step to any one beat. Lives are not a carbon copy of each other, no one person or thing is a duplicate of another. Why would it be? Creation has no limit that is known.
We cannot get it and we cannot give it. It is a power we do not have. Even when we mean well, it will not happen. Each thing is different from the other thing. No matter what they may have in common. No two is the same. And no two outcomes will be the same. All things are created one at a time even when they come close to each other. Each is its own. What determines what comes our way is most times by our own design. Not always, but what we do with what comes our way is, no matter the circumstance.
You should avoid being where no one wants or need what you have. And you do not want or need what they have. Neither one has what the other one wants or need. There is no meaning in a relationship such as this.
- What it Means Not to Tell the Truth (itishowyouthink.com)
Equal is Not Always Equal
What I believe to be true is that there is no “workable” definition of equality. It is a moving target. Once you think that you just may have achieved it, there it goes again; off and running. Some would say that math is exact but I am not so sure about that. Even if so, for almost all other purposes, it does not exist. How could there possibly be equality when each person sees the other person as not equal to them in some way. Have you ever known equals? Ask yourself that question and see if you know the answer.
How about your family and work life? Is anyone equal in those environments. How about the church, school at work, and any number of other places, are there equals to be found among these folks. Even when there are groups with the same rank, they are not equal among themselves or their influence on others. Think about it before you leave. Better yet, why don’t you stick around, there is much to consider.
Here I go: You should avoid being where no one wants or need what you have. And you do not want or need what they have. No one has what the other one wants or need. There is no meaning in a relationship such as this. There is nothing to benefit and not a thing to gain. Though, if you decide to share in an effort, the benefits and rewards of the effort should be shared. With this shared effort, it must be realized that what each receives from the effort will not be equal. First off, each one’s motivation will not be the same. So then, the effort by all will not be the same. There is no true way to measure effort when there are so many ways to make it seem to be what it is not; therefore, equality in this instance cannot be measured either. It is this way when there is more than one person involved in an endeavor.
Are all things that are viewed as equal, equal? To be equal, what is it, you may ask. Is it more than a feeling? In some relationships, if not most, it is what it is thought to be, or not. What are the benchmarks? You think you know it when you see it. For many, it is a state of mind. It is what you see it as being. What it is, is fluid and open to change with a change in status. There is just no agreed way to measure it. With that being so, equal many times is no more than what we feel that it is. It is a thought by those who feel they need it. If it is done to the extent that it is done, too much has been done. It would be trying to make what is outside of you, equal to what you feel inside. I will say, though, there is an outside possibility that it could be made possible.
There is not a thing in life that we can say without a doubt, is equal to another. This is when looked at through the lens of equality. It is a goal that is out of reach because it does not exist beyond conception. Life was not designed to be that way. We cannot get it and we cannot give it. It is a power we do not have. Even when we mean well, it will not happen.
Each thing is different from the other thing. No matter what they may have in common, no two things, of any kind, is the same. And no two outcomes will be the same. All of life is created one life at a time. Each is of its self and stand along. There are no “two lives in one.”
What determines what comes our way is most times by our own design. Not always, but what we do with what comes our way is, no matter the circumstance.
- What it Means Not to Tell the Truth (itishowyouthink.com)