Watch the video and see what I think.
There is no one who doesn’t have that one thing that causes insecurity about his or her appearance. It has as much to do with what you think others think about you as what you think of yourself. It could be your nose, your hair, breast or just about anything that has been deemed not to be how it should be. When you think this way, you will never be at ease and comfortable with yourself, the real you. You cannot be happy, no matter the circumstance or your status in life, until you resolve the issue you have with what you think you see when you look at you. Reflections do not always tell the truth.
The images you see in the magazines, on TV shows and throughout the media are not the prototype of the human. It is mostly an illusion, a fantasy created to sale an image of perfection. The perfect dazzling white teeth, long flowing hair and a curvaceous body with all of the accompanying accouterments. And as one would expect, those who this bothers the most will try to change things about themselves, even things that cannot or should not be changed. They spend loads of time and money on how they look, how they dress and right down to how they walk and talk.
Time and money surely are important, but not as important as your health. And some of the things are putting the people who do them at risk. It is no wonder when you look at how some are criticized and joked about for this one physical feature that is looked upon as a flaw and not the will of nature and how you were born to be. All the while they are using this ridicule as a defense mechanism to fight off their own insecurities.
The jokes and harsh words can be personal and quite nasty. Those who are adept at it can be creative with their techniques, while others show no mercy. The focus is always on those aspects of your person that are easy to attack. It is just superficial; yes, but it hurts nonetheless. Making these critical remarks with hurtful intent has become acceptable—it is “everywhere.” In casual conversations, in movies that we see, in magazines and even in some of the books that we read: There it is. It is no wonder that anxiety, low self-esteem and insecurity are at an all-time high.
You cannot hide, for long, what is inside about how you think about your outside. So, you think you are different, that there is no one who has your perceived shortcoming, your “defect.” In reality there is no one who doesn’t have a defect of birth of some type, some cover it up and others have procedures to change what many times are just normal abnormalities. Nothing that millions of others all over the world don’t have as well. Try telling that to yourself. For if you see you when you listen to these words, it is time to hear it and learn from it. It is not easy, at first, to accept that which you have lived with as you would an unwelcome guest, but this you can and must do. There are some things you cannot change; you have to change how you think about them.
We have men, women, girls, boys and even young children—more so today than ever—who have become entrapped by the marketing of major businesses and a brain-washed society. The very people who should know better are caught up with the rest in the swirl of the marketing monster. We are now looking for the ideal when it is not to be found for it is always moving and changing. And there is no better way to separate you from your money than creating “false” insecurity and a sense of need. Know what is being sold before you buy. Money will not buy self-esteem. You have to earn it by changing how you see yourself.
If all of the people of the world were in one place, you would see much and much of what you would see would be no different than what you have seen; just “everyday people.” Everyone is beautiful at some place to someone whereas using the so called standard of beauty very few would be. Let me put it this way: There is no perfect person, physically, mentally or otherwise and few who meet the marketing criteria for beauty. On one of your typical days out and about, how many “beautiful” people do you see, few if any who have the looks of the gorgeous magazine models and the assortment of celebrities. It is all a make believe world full of illusion, makeup trickery and manipulation. It is not reality; it is not what you think you see.
We all have physical differences from height, weight, ears, eyes and all of the other variations that come with being a living organism, a creation of nature. Even the appearance of the genitals causes much anxiety and personal and social discomfort. And the public buys into it. There are billions spent annually on Labiaplasty, vaginal rejuvenation, penis enlargement and other body modifications by men, women and even teens.
First thing in the morning before your feet even touch the floor you are thinking about one thing that is never far from your mind. You have tried to not think about it and that is why you do. If you cannot change it, you have to change how you think about it. You wish to hide it from the mirror but what’s the use, it will still be there when you look. You do not have to be perfect to be perfect in the things that you do.
Nothing is hard to do, you just do not know how to do it yet.
(Why other than your own you will never know.)To tell a person what to think will not teach them how to think. We are how we think. So, think about this: It is more how you think than what you think. It matters not as much what it is as what you do with it. It is how you think.
And how you think today has its roots in what occurred in your life “yesterday.”
I will show you why. And there will be times when I will do this in a not-so-conventional way. It does not mean that I have strayed; it merely says that the road we take will at times be without markers. You must have faith. When you believe it, you will see it.
Using current events, I will show how the actions and behaviors of “news makers,” both public and private, that result in adverse outcomes originate and have their roots in early childhood. You do not make decisions that will cause harm to your Self and others and the very source of your existence, if not for dysfunction in the family setting and possible mental defect passed from one generation to the next. War is a prime example. What about hate and environmental destruction, just to name a few. And who to blame?
When you first read it, some of what I say could cause you to question how it applies to how you think. And my answer will be, all things you do require you to think. On occasion, my words will undoubtedly challenge some of the things you have come to believe as certain truths. It will take you up, around, and back again, but the steps will lead back to you, and where the road leads, we will follow. You must know how you think to think better. And you must always know what is on your mind.
It Is How You Think
You may ask, and you would not be alone in doing so, “why do I feel the way that I do.” When not all is right, and you think it should be, and you see no reason it should not, disordered thinking is the cause of your anguish. When how you think is disordered—out of order and not serving you well—it takes you further away from your true Self. The mind now has a mind of its own. It is making decisions without you. There is no time or place that this should be. You are the master of your mind and must always be in charge of you.
There is but one stage of your life where your mind will take leave of you. It will stem from early childhood trauma and a dysfunctional family life, which allows you few good thoughts to think. And a chemical imbalance in the brain, if it is present and undiagnosed, adds to the mix.
Nothing here is fiction. It is about life and our existence. It is not about what they have been telling you. It is about the way that it is. What is here will help you understand and know that to see, you must look. You may see your SELF in what I have to say. When you do not, it could be someone you know and love who comes to mind. Or perhaps you will be reminded of one of those troubled souls who you see act out their hurt in all the wrong places when there seems to be no apparent reason why. Now you will know what that might be. It is a matter of knowing the real you—the person you see when you go inside and take off your “outside” for the day. Through growth and enlightenment, you can change the course of your life if that is what you need or want to do.
All that I do and say is about how we think, feel, act, and why. It Is How You Think is a guide to help you live a better life through your thoughts and how you think them. That—in turn—will help you to understand how we all think, which will give you answers to questions that may have caused concern and bewilderment. The “illustrated” words spoken here show that if your thinking is disordered—out of order and not serving you well—your life will be the same. How we think is the root cause of our negative feelings. The focus is on the Self: your Self, her Self, him Self, and my Self―all of our Selves.
Through “It Is How You Think,” I will address why we all think the way we do. You will see how changing how you think will change how you feel and relate to the people, places, and things in your life.
First, you have to listen. The more you listen, the more you understand what you hear and read. You are sure to think and feel what you hear if you listen. There will be truths that will cause you to change how you perceive the world around you. This is good. It will challenge the way you think. And thought is what gives us a reason to think.
What is here—if you listen—will take you where you did not know that you had ever been. It will help you see where you think you are, is not where you are at all—no matter where you are. It is about change: a change in how you think. There are no words here formed that will tell you what to think. That is for you to decide.
Before help can help you, and this only applies if you see yourself here, you must help your SELF. There is no therapy, counseling, or medication that will be effective until you do. When I say you, I am talking about the Self, your SELF, her SELF, and him SELF. All of the “Selves who need to find their way back home.”
You may ask what could motivate some of us to do what we do. The thing you can do to know the answer is know it when you see it. And you must believe it to see it.
Our world is not just what is around us. It is also what is in our mind and the thinking that we do in our head. So, what is here is for all of us who have had thoughts about “Why Do I Feel The Way that I Do.”
CHANGE MAY BE A STRANGER. BUT, AS YOU STEP CLOSER, YOU MAY SEE A FRIEND.
REMINDER: We cannot do or say anything without thinking about it first. And how we think determines—to the greater extent, the outcome. How we see others act and the impact of their actions is the result of how they think. And this applies to all occupations, positions held, authority possessed, or not. No matter the station in life, age, gender, or any other characteristic, it is about thinking and how you do it. Here we will explore thinking and thought as it relates to our personal lives and events on the local, regional, national, and international stage.
“The Negroes of this country may never be able to rise to power, but they are very well placed indeed to precipitate chaos and ring down the curtain on the American dream.” This is a quote from James Baldwin’s book The Fire Next Time.
Just a short four years later, in the nation’s capital, I would be standing in the midst of what seemed like hell on earth. Some were running, stumbling, and falling. Others held on to all they could as they ran in and out of the shops and stores. More than a few made sure there would be nothing left to burn. Even the bricks were ablaze and crumbling. They were all ages, sizes, and shapes, but the one thing they had in common, they were all Black. The area was off-limits to military personnel who were not part of the operation. But I figured out a way around the restriction. To blend in, I would don my government-issued fatigues—our green non-dress uniform. “THE FIRE THIS TIME.”
Armed soldiers and military personnel were shouting orders, but no one seemed to be listening. They took no steps to stop the protesters. Their orders were to stand by, with weapons pointed down. Even as the buildings continued to burn—in places a corridor of flames—they stood by. The heat was intense, only matched by the intensity of the expressions on the faces of the young and old alike, who were carting off as much as they could carry. It was a “free for all.” Though there was no doubt in my mind that some of them were there because of their anger. Dr. Martin Luther King had just been assassinated by the system in the form of James Earl Ray. You could expect no less. Oh, the irony, when all the smoke cleared and the flames had been doused, the guided, as well as the misguided, were left living among the ashes. The rage had given in to despair. The Black low-income neighborhoods had been reduced to ruin. Who put out the fire.
Just a few months before his death, Dr. King and leaders of the Southern Christian Leadership Conference (SCLC) held a meeting to plan and organize a Poor People’s Campaign for the coming spring in Washington, D.C.
Organizers intended the campaign to be a peaceful gathering of poor people from communities across the nation. They would march through the Capital and visit various federal agencies in hopes of getting Congress to pass crucial anti-poverty legislation. They planned to stay until some action was taken.
The Poor People’s Campaign did not focus on just poor Black people but addressed all poor people. Unfortunately, as history records, before their plans could be realized, Dr. King was cut down by an assassin’s bullet. Although feeling the sorrow of his death, the organizers made a decision to carry on with the campaign. On May 12, 1968, the first wave of demonstrators arrived in Washington. One week later, with the effort of every able-bodied man, woman, and child there present, they built Resurrection City on the Washington Mall. It was a ramshackle settlement of tents and shacks to house the protesters. And as I learned firsthand, to call it housing is being generous, at best.
This time I decide I want to take a close look at the other side of the protest, though still up close, but more personal. I had to focus my mind on taking in what my eyes were seeing. Some wandered about with a dazed look as just waking up to a bad dream, while others sought solace and refuge in their primitive accommodations. It was clear, to me, that most were taking on the symptoms of defeat. It would not take much—under these conditions—to become demoralized. People were hungry; there was not much food or an orderly way of providing it to those who needed it most, the young and the old. And there was mud all over, and if you did not have boots, and most did not, you had to secure your shoes someplace and do your moving about in bare feet. It was a mess. The mud seemed knee-deep in places. This was the heart of the “Poor Peoples” encampment. I went as I go to many other places. I was simply curious, not much more than that. But what I saw caused me to return.
To put it simply, it was a hopeless situation, no matter how well-intended. The King has died. There was a leadership vacuum; it could not be overcome. The best I could do was pick several out of the multitude to take to the base for a hot meal and a break from the drudgery of living in such inhospitable conditions. And in two short weeks, I would be discharged from the Air Force and out in the “real world” myself. However, how was I to know that Chicago would be my next destination? Here, destiny would step forward once more. Her hands were waving my way. I did not know if I was creating my destiny or it was being laid out for me. Either way, I would be there to see it all. It was not a plan; it just happened.
FIRE IN BATON AND truncheons out
Dateline Chicago, here we are: the time and place that the Southern Christian Leadership Conference (SCLC) would try to resurrect the Poor People Campaign. But, unfortunately, it was not to be. The eyes of the nation were focused on the Democratic National Convention, the “other” event. Fate had dealt its hand, and the cards had been played. It was inescapable; the end of the civil rights era was drawing to a close. There would be the last gasp and a whimper from the Black Power movement to be replaced years later with the rap and hip-hop culture. The sign of greeting is no longer Soul Brother. It is now my nigger. It is plain to see that it was a turn by degrees for the worst: If they could only see us now. Time stands still as life moves on. Now here we are. The fire and flames no more.
August 26 to August 29, 1968
I came here to Chicago to find a job and see my father for the first time. Both of the things I did do. Even so, my mind would not let me rest. I could not resist the draw of the action on the streets leading up to the 1968 Democratic National Convention. The convention was held during a year that would be remembered as a wake-up call and a warning to our nation. How easily it seems for us to forget.
Headline 2012: The Pentagon Is Offering Free Military Hardware to Every Police Department in the US
It was a social revolution with no blueprint. The Viet Nam war was in full force, and American “politics” had become a dangerous game in my lifetime. First, there was the assassination of Dr. Martin Luther King on April 4 and the civil unrest that followed. Then, two months after Dr. King’s death on June 5, as if timed by fate, came the murder of Democratic presidential hopeful Senator Robert F. Kennedy. Was all of this some kind of test? Yes, it was, and the grades are still coming in. For me, it was as if I had been programmed—I did not think of this then—to be an up-close witness to the contest of what is and what is not. I had to be there, did not know it, and had no choice. I quit my job, not knowing why. “The Fire This Time.”
My 21st birthday marked the beginning and what soon followed is best described as police brutality and all-out “war” on the protesters. It was people control, a step to the future that could not be taken back. There were no hot burning flames of the riots in Washington. The soldiers in Washington had been ordered to stand at ease. Whereas it appeared that Mayor Daley had issued orders to “attack and destroy.” And if this is so—as rumored—Daley’s orders were followed by the letter. Even bystanders were not safe from the swinging batons if they could not run fast enough. “Fire in the hole.”
There were indiscriminate beatings; it mattered not male or female, young or old they were routinely clubbed bloody. It was as close as you could get to gender equality. No one was exempt. One scene that was hard to put out of my mind was that of a young female protester—with blood streaming down her ashen face—being dragged by her long blond hair; she was in shock. At this point, she had gone limp. The “fight” had been beaten out of her. The only sign of life was a grimace and a moan when her head was allowed to hit the pavement. The cop only let go when he realized the cameras were trained on him. Up to then, it was “caveman.” It was not the Chicago that I had come to love. So, I would soon be on my way home to Arkansas. I had seen enough. I now had the space to distance myself from the images in my mind.
December 10, 1967
Otis Redding Memorial
December 10, 1967
The day that soul cried, a chilly mist hung over Madison, Wisconsin. Fans of Rhythm and Blues anticipated a thrilling visitor that Sunday night. Singer Otis Redding was scheduled for two shows at the Factory. Three days earlier, Otis had finished recording “Dock of the Bay,” a moody song that would later be his only No. 1 hit on the pop charts. Otis was accompanied by the Bar-Kays, fresh-faced high school graduates from Memphis. Otis (The Big O) had performed the night before in Cleveland. Otis, the Bar-Kays, his valet, and pilot were flying to Madison in his private twin-engine Beechcraft. They were scheduled to perform at 6:30 and 9 p.m. But they never made it. The plane fell three miles short of the runway and crashed at 3:28 p.m. in the near-freezing waters of Lake Monona.
The sole survivor, trumpet player Ben Cauley, was pulled from the water 17 minutes after stunned witnesses along the eastern shore of Squaw Bay telephoned for help. On November 8, 1987, members of the Otis Redding Memorial Group, a Madison, Wisconsin nonprofit corporation, culminated their fund-raising drive with the dedication of a memorial to Otis Redding on the shore of Lake Monona. The memorial consists of three semicircle marble benches, custom carved in Portugal with the initials O.R. incorporated in the legs, Georgia gray granite marker, and a bronze plaque. The memorial was temporarily moved to storage to make way for the construction of the Frank Lloyd Wright-designed Monona Terrace Convention Center. A re-dedication ceremony was held on August 15, 1997, on the Roof Garden of the Convention Center, where the memorial is now located.
James R. Yarbrough
President and Founding Member
Otis Redding Memorial Group
One achievement I am incredibly proud of is to be the President and a founding member of the Otis Redding Group. The members organized the fund-raising campaign to construct the Otis Redding Memorial that is now located on the roof garden of the Frank Lloyd Wright-designed Monona Terrace Convention Center in Madison, Wisconsin.
There have been several books and hundreds, if not thousands, of articles written about the plane crash that took the lives of Otis Redding, members of the Barkays, and of course, the pilot. And there has been a consistent misunderstanding of exactly where the plane crashed. It is widely known that it was in Lake Monona. The confusion is, where is Lake Monona. No, it is not outside of Madison. Lake Monona is in Madison, Wisconsin, and is one of four other lakes that call Madison home; I do as well. Otis’ plane crashed into Squaw Bay of the lake. The Otis Redding Memorial is on the roof garden of the Monona Terrace Convention Center on Lake Monona’s shore. I live not far from this location: about 10 minutes.
Here we have the first in a five-part series on the senses. The five basic senses are smell, hearing, sight, taste, and touch. They let us live and are the means to be in contact with the world around us. They make life what it is; without them, we could not survive. You have to be in contact with your world to be in touch with your Self. We live by our senses. They tell the brain what they have seen, heard, tasted, smelled, and felt. Then the brain sends commands to the body. The senses are tools for the brain. They are the means by which we receive outside information for the brain to evaluate and respond.
First up will be smell, yes, the olfactory of them all. Though not by me, there is some disagreement on which sense is the most developed at birth. Some think that it is the sense of touch. Others, I included, say that it is the sense of smell. It is well-known that newborns know their mothers by their scent; how they smell. It is what no other has, the “scent of a woman,” and they can tell. And let us be frank, there is no wonder why when you consider the birth path. There are smells that you cannot forget, and for me, I do not want to, ever. Though, I would say it is more an aroma that stirs the soul. That tantalizing smell of the female will not be mistaken, no matter how long you may have “been away.” Just with a whiff, you know. It is the most potent natural odor there is: surely not by mistake. The journey of our creation starts there, and our birth ends there—the Creator designed to be that way, no doubt.
There is a biological reason why the sense of smell is the most developed at birth. It is that we may survive and procreate. And no matter your beliefs, it is as God created it to be. Recent research (http://www.nih.gov/news-events/nih-research-matters/restoring-microbes-infants-born-cesarean-section) has shown that babies delivered via the birth canal acquire a microbial community (microbiota) that resembles that of their mother’s vagina. In contrast, babies born by cesarean section tend to acquire a microbial community that more closely resembles their mother’s skin. The microbiota acquired by a newborn are thought to be essential for the development of a healthy immune system and metabolism.
I could go into all of the details, but I will summarize to focus on the benefits. Vaginal birth provides protection for the baby that cesarean birth does not—though—as the research shows, exposure to the mother’s vaginal fluids after birth does give some of this protection. Now, what does this have to do with the sense of smell? Here is where I take over.
The baby who travels the length of the mother’s birth canal would certainly be fully immersed in the smell of the vagina. It is in the vagina where the most contact will occur with the baby’s nose and mouth. The scent cannot but make a lasting impact on the mind and memory, as it is so designed to be. It would not be otherwise. The male and female are different, and so would be the effect.
It is unfortunate that women and girls—mothers or not—are now covering up and trying to rid themselves of the smell that is a part of who they are. The woman has been made to feel ashamed of her body and scent. It is so sad, for we need the human smell to remind us that we are. And we wonder why it seems that man and woman are not as attracted to each other as they once were. It is not the same. There is no denying it. There really should be no wonder or reason to ask why. But there is. Why does it seem that there is some hidden hand that is trying to pull us apart? Whose agenda, is it? When we interfere with nature, nature will talk back. Someone is selling what you do not need.
We are born with our senses and for a good reason. It is so that we may live. And we and the people, places, and things in our lives provide the stimulation for the senses to carry out the roles assigned to them. So, when you smell it, taste it, see it, hear it, and feel it, you will know, and it will stimulate you to action. It is for us then to create, invent and discover those things that awaken and give life to the senses. We have to put a name on people, places, and things to know what and who they are when we meet them again. One thing for sure, though, we have been stimulated by each other, just as we are, from the beginning. The most intimate senses, of course, are the sense of smell and touch. When you feel it, you will believe it. And the sense of smell tells us much about things in our environment even when we cannot see, hear, taste, or touch them. Though, smell does affect our sense of taste and the things we are attracted to or repulsed by, which prompts me to ask, have we covered up our natural smell to the point that man and woman have lost their natural attraction to each other.
Smell is a very direct sense. To smell something and know what it is, the scent, with the least amount of adulteration, has to make its way to the nose. The sense of smell brings us into harmony with nature and sharpens our awareness of other people, places, and things. It can influence our mood, help us to respond to those we meet, who we want to be near, and who we want to see again. Our sense of smell is not as accurate as that of some animals is what “they” say. Well, the animals are not dumb at all. They use their sense of smell to find a receptive mate and mating partners. The very same thing we used to do in the beginning. Being civilized now and human, I guess we think it is not needed anymore. We cover up our natural scent with all sorts of perfumes, lotions, and potions.
Certain scents—that still smell the same—can remind us of past relationships and people we have known. They can stir memories that you may have once thought forgotten. Some scents make a picture come into our minds. Some make us feel relaxed; others make us feel excited. There are still segments of the science community that hold on to the notion, for I believe that is all that it is, that other mammals use a separate set of sensory receptor cells in their nose to receive social and sexual information from members of their own species. I say we do too. It would not seem so to some because we have stepped away from our natural self. At times, it is hard to tell what is real.
Smells and other chemical signals control the social behavior of most animals. We are losing our ability to smell nature’s scents. We have invaded our sense organ (the nose) with all kinds of chemical concoctions to make ourselves (our bodies) smell better. And this often suppresses our awareness of what our nose tells us. Many have been taught that there is something shameful about body odor: natural body odor, not due to exertion. I do not embrace this teaching. Testers who use their senses of smell to test things usually say that they “sniff” whatever substance they are testing. And there are “sniffers,” or should I say, those who like to sniff.
THE NOSE SMELLS ALL
You hear it said that men are visual creatures, and this may be so, but the smell of the female body drives the average, even less than average, man wild with desire. It makes the heart race, the pulse quicken, and without intervention, it will explode to an orgasmic finish, often at the blink of an eye. Let me set up a scenario that was not at all uncommon in years gone by. There is likely no such need today as things are more easily done. But then, it was all you had in your toolbox, and you had to go there when all else failed. Back in the teen days when you have found a place with just enough privacy to be with the girl of your desires—the girl your hormones have led you to—is when you pulled out that line used by so many boys. It would usually be in the backseat of a car, a room away from the parents, or just about anywhere that would accommodate two teenage bodies in heat.
The atmosphere would be charged up with hormones and adolescent lust of desire where begging was the norm. You could not ease your way to where you wanted to go because of the one thing that stood in your way, the forever despised girdle. The small girls would even wear them as a defense against the teenage male’s probing mind and body parts. As much as you try, you are getting no further than kissing, rubbing, and hugging, but there was always that last angle to play. At this point, you were in agony, and you needed to release. Well, OK, OK, then, just let me smell it, let me put my finger in it. And surprise, more times than not, this would lead to where you wanted to go all along. Need I say you would delay washing your finger for as long as you could hold out. My point is, it is natural; it is in us, not by us but for us. No one taught you this. No one told you. It is just in you as a male. Your nose would take you there. To a man, it is more aroma than smell. It can make you weak in the knees and firm in the joints. Unfortunately, it all seems to be fading away in the fog of body washes and summer’s eve.
SPECIAL NOTE: The pursuit was not always with difficulty.
When mating first took flight, it was helped by instinct and smell. Of course, we try to cover up as best we can our natural aroma in this day and time. Man and woman likely did not look much different from each other, so it would not have been looks or some special outfit or hairstyle that fired up the desire for sex. Or romance. Unlike today, man and woman did not have sex face to face, which came to be known as the missionary position. So named because early missionaries advocated the position as “proper” to primitive Peoples, to whom the practice was unknown. I believe this to be a legend. However, it would be interesting to know how this came to be. And as far as I know, no other animal does the do while facing each other.
Yes, we are animals, and man and woman had hair covering their bodies—for a good reason—with just four things of note setting them apart. Those things that made the difference, of course, were the sex organs and the female breast. It has to be this way for the survival of the species. And, of course, without perky and firm breast, how would a newborn eat? Whether we believe we were created or evolved, we could not be the same. We had to be different to be. Man and woman were built to accommodate each other for mating. The penis and vagina were not born by accident. Survival, and sex (reproduction) are our strongest drives, and they are with us from the start. Some choose to deny it, some run from it, and others rush to embrace it.
Just a little sniff will go a long way. Leave your mark, and men will follow you—that is—if they can smell you. Sex is in our nature as living beings. And so is our scent. The marketers would have you believe otherwise.
WHY YOU FEEL THE WAY YOU DO—IT IS HOW YOU THINK
You are the GATEKEEPER of your mind: The one and only person responsible for what you have to think about. You choose the company you keep, the places you go, where you work, where you play and where you stay.
You may ask what could motivate those among us to say and do things they do. What you can do to know the answer is to know it when you see it.
What I say now and what I will be saying is not academic. It is my look at life in a way you may never have. And I will give you answers to questions that you did not know you had. It is how I see the world and life not as we know it is, as we think we do. From the beginning to the end, it is all about life and the way we think.
What I have to say is not fiction, though it does come from the realm of my mind. I did not ask for it. I turned my mind around, and it was there. What I think, feel, and say is about life and the parts of the whole that are our existence. You have not heard it before, for it has never been told. I will say much, and little about many things, and my energy will come from you. And I will need to know how you think about what I think. To see, you must look. And when you look, you will see the answer that, for so long, has eluded you. And It is about how you live your life, all the while thinking what you have been told you should think. It is not about what they have been telling you. It is about the way that it is.
What is here will help you to know that to see, you must look. You may see your SELF in what I have to say. If your mind is closed and you have not found the vision to see you, you may let go enough that someone you know and love will come to mind. Or perhaps you will be reminded of one of those troubled souls who you see act out their hurt in all the wrong ways in all the wrong places when there seems to be no apparent reason why. Now you will know what that might be. It is a matter of knowing the real you—the person you see when you take off your “outside” for the day.
Through growth and enlightenment, you can change the course of your life—as can we all—if that is what you need or want to do.
My blog is about how we think, feel, act, and why. It is a guide: a reference to help you live a better life through your thoughts and how you think them. That—in turn—will help you to understand how we all think. And it will show that if your thinking is disordered, your life will be the same. How we think is the root cause of our negative feelings. The focus here is on the Self: your Self, her Self, him Self, and my Self―all of us. I did not always know what I know now. I will share what I know with those who will listen. What I have written is the truth, as I understand it to be.
First, you have to listen. The more you listen, the more you will understand what it is that you hear. You are sure to think and feel what you hear if you listen. There will be truths that will cause you to change how you perceive the world around you. It is good. It will challenge the way you think. If it is not a cause to think, there is no thought? I had to think about my SELF. And you must think about your SELF and who you are to you, not to others.
For those times when you need to connect with what it means when you say, “that’s life,” this will be your reference. It is a way to look at the true nature of what is not told, why is it so, and how it came to be. You will see it when you believe it. And to believe it, you must listen to the words as you read. The truth tells all, and you will know it. It is the “real” that we have to depend on in our world. The question then is, what is not? It is about how we view the world that each of us lives in. Our world is not just what is around us. It is also what is in our mind and the things that go on in our head. So, this reference and guide is for all who have had thoughts about “why do I think and feel the way I do.”
Do not listen to a disordered mind and let it tell you what to do. It matters not if it is your mind and your way of thinking or that of someone else. If what is said or done to you and what you tell yourself makes you uncomfortable and ill at ease, you and your mind are where you should not be. One important thing to keep in mind is that no one can make you feel any way other than how you wish. That is unless you have given them permission to do so. And this is clear to them by how you treat yourself. They “see” you. You do not. And this is a true example of “they see you coming before you get there.” Your reputation (how you act) has indeed preceded you.
How you think is how you will act and when how you think is disordered, something is not right with the thoughts you have to think. You are insecure about who you are, or should I say who you think you are. You are better than you think. When you think the way you do, you will see yourself build your life and the things you care about up just to tear them down. You will repeat this behavior and thinking throughout your life until you change how you think. You will do this without fail. But, of course, you know all is not well. It is a pattern that does not change. That is until you change. All wrong things come with a price. It is so even when you will not allow yourself to acknowledge the cost. Disordered Thinking is what it is.
When your thinking is disordered, it can and often does cause hypersensitivity. No one—even those relatives and friends who care about you—wants to stand close to the “flame.” Few of them will say they do not want to be scorched, but it is what most of them are thinking. But some who would rather come near will not for fear of being upset. When you change how you think, how others treat you will change as well. You know the pain of living with how you think. And how hard it is to deal with what is going on in your head, and much too often, your body.
When how you think is disordered, how you act is known well before “we see you” as you move through your life, and you are not soon to realize it. When things are not right, we first look at all the other places for an answer. Though one thing is for sure, we will not harm ourselves with full knowledge of what we are doing. It goes against the first law of nature. That is growth and survival. And to grow, you must be strong. You have to believe it to see it. What do you believe?
For each one of us, there are things that we should never do. If what you do cause a problem, then the problem starts with you. You can do most of the things you choose to do—it depends on how you do them. Never do anything in a way that will bring harm to yourself or others. You may not see it, for harm has many faces. It will hold you back when you could be going forward and have you rushing in when still, is what you should be. To change your mind, you have to change how you think. Disordered Thinking is what it is.
When how you think is disordered, how you act will be an inevitable extension of this way of thinking that hinders progress and leaves a trail of regret and disappointment. Something you know—though—in many ways, you feel helpless to change. So when things are not right, you first look at all the other places for an answer. For sure, though, no one would harm themselves with full knowledge of what they are doing. It goes against the first law of nature. That is growth and survival. And to grow, you must be strong.
Once you know better, you will do better. Have you ever heard someone say, “they know better than that.” No matter what we may think, when a person knows better, they will do better. You and I may think they should know, but that does not mean they do. You cannot do wrong when you know better. It is not possible, just as you cannot think of two things at the same time. Which is on par with no two objects can occupy the same space.
You have to believe it to see it, and when you see it, you will know. What do you believe?
Why and when are more significant than what, and why is the reason. To know your own why is to know the only why you can ever know for certain. You know what others tell you, but how can you know for sure if the why they tell you is their why or just a lie. It could be their why, or it could not. There is no way to know if what they are telling you is true. Often it is what you want to believe and has as much to do with your feelings for or about the “teller” as it does with what is being told.
It takes knowledge and understanding of your Self to know your own why. And depending on how you think at any given time, you may have doubts about your own why. For sure, you should never act until there are no doubts in your mind: Not one. When you do not know why it is because of how you think and how you think is disordered and does not serve you well.
Take the time you need to think before you act. Regret should not be the outcome of what you do. You must always know what moved you to act. It would not be possible to justify what you do if you—yourself—do not know why. You should know all that you need to know to understand why you think as you do.
When you say, what you say is more important than what you say. You have to say what you want to say at the time that is right to say it. The right thing said at the wrong time and place will not have the desired effect, and in fact, could be quite damaging to you and your relationship with others. Do not say a word until it is time. As in most things that we do, timing is the key. You must know this before you act or speak. That is unless you are talking to yourself to know what to say to someone else.
The right thing said at the wrong time is worse than not saying anything at all. Words are to convey our thoughts, as we want them to be understood. And what is hard to argue with is that you say and do what you mean. It is not so true when your thinking is disordered.
Knowledge is not good or bad. It is what you do with it that decides what it is worth. And to learn, you have to listen, and you have to listen until you know what is said and, even more so, what it means. You have to listen to learn and learn to listen. When it is your time to talk, you have to listen to yourself to know when you have said enough. You have to know when to hold back. You can and will lose much when you do not know when to stop talking.
Nothing is hard to do. You just do not know how to do it yet.
You should try to say what you will do, not what you will not. This includes saying what you will not do now. You should only say—if you feel you must—what you do not want to do. What you will try your best not to do. Will not is a negative way to think. It comes from a thought of which you cannot be sure. With this way of thinking, you must put forth an effort to hold back. It requires a measure of self-control, which will, inevitably, give way and let you down. It will be when you feel you need it most. And one time is one time too many. When you think your Self needs to be controlled, you are where you should not be doing what you should not be doing. It is not natural nor normal.
The only thing for sure you will not do is a thing that you cannot do. No one knows the future. Minds change people change.
Will is a great word: the word after I, which comes when thinking a positive thought. The third word gives it meaning. I will do, I will not do are examples of what I mean. Will do, is a will to act. It is a kind of freedom that can take you places. I will not, stops you in your tracks. If you do what you say you will do, you have kept a promise, if only to yourself. If you do not, you have broken a promise. And it shows a lack of commitment and fail to follow through. There are very few reasons, if any at all, to break a promise. And the most important promise is to yourself. You must always be true to who you are. Otherwise, how would others know you? You say and do one thing today, and it is a different story tomorrow.
If I do not tell myself the truth, I cannot tell it to you. Not a thing can exist for long without it. The truth is what we depend on to know what we do is right. Even so, the truth can be “smothered,” though, not extinguished , by a blanket of lies. You cheat yourself when you do not keep your promise and tell the truth. Each time that you do, you take one more step away from who you are. Never do a thing to take away from your Self. The Self is our core, the essence of each one of us. It is where we go to be ourselves. A place you would never leave on your own, but your mind will.
Your power and strength come from your core, the Self. If the ways of life have kept your mind away, you are the one to get it back. No one can do this for you. It is not an easy thing to do. Your mind should be where you are. And when it has left where it naturally belongs, it will be hard to find its way back. It happens to you when there has been major trauma in your life. And no, you have not lost your mind. You cannot lose it. It can take leave.
To be and remain weak is a choice, as well. It is what you have when you have not learned to be strong. Strength is what keeps us in one piece and from coming apart. Without it, you will not stand firm: you will not speak out, so no one will hear you when you talk only to yourself. It is the way of nature. And if you do not feel you can do these things, your thinking is disordered. You are not the person you are telling yourself you are. God created you to be you.
Weakness does not have the strength to be strong. It is a sign that not all is well. When that which is weak is joined with that which is strong, the weak is not made stronger. The strong is made weaker. Be it cream to coffee, ice to tea, or anything that keeps you from just being you. What was once strong has now been diluted. The strength or weakness of the mind is how you think your thoughts. It is not how good or bad you are. It is a state of mind. To feel or act offended is to be weak. To feel an offense and not act offended is a show of strength. The greatest strength is that which comes from within. Inner strength gives us what we need, to do what we need to do.
Weakness comes from not having the chance in childhood to become strong. You are left to do the best you can on your own, which does not bode well for survival. We are to follow a growth and development process—not designed by us—to grow and be strong enough to tackle the challenges of life—for they will come. When that does not happen, you are unable to stand on your own. You must have the nurturing and care that you need to flourish and be strong. It is a thing that is difficult for anyone to overcome when they have never been properly cared for when they needed it most. It stunts growth in all areas of development. Finally, though, overcome it you can—when you know what made you weak. And there is no age limit to do better.
It is beyond difficult to be strong when you are struggling to survive. You will put your best foot forward and do good. Just to turn around and take one step back to from where you came. Of course, this you know. The voice in your head says, you can do this. Then the reality created not by you but for you would not allow you to be you. All the time, your mind will not leave you alone. You would be afraid to step up to the line and compete against others. But a standout on your own.
Too weak to win and not strong enough to lose. Have the will but not know the way. You cannot learn this on your own—someone has to teach you how to walk. And you must use your mind to practice how to think. Nothing is as hard as it seems. You just do not know how to do it yet.
You cannot do more than you are capable of, though, you can become more capable.