Self to Self
What I say here is about more than my Self. The words are sure to resonate with meaning for anyone who has ever asked, “Why Do I Feel the Way That I Do.” If you listen to what you hear from the words on this page, it is likely to open your mind to things about yourself you have refused to see. Or it could bring forth feelings and emotions that you were not aware that you had.
My life is not so unique—it is different, for I am still here while many who walked the same path as I, could not find their way back home. The will to survive could not overcome their feelings of low self-esteem and insecurity. Their thoughts about their childhood would not let them be. Man, woman and child: They all faltered and failed to take back their mind. For me, life was a challenge at every turn. There were times when I slowed; though, I never stopped. I went the distance from Self to Self. My hope never dimmed on those days where I had to close my mind to thunder, shield my eyes from lightning and steady myself on the ground that shook beneath my feet. If not for finding my Self, again, my fate would have been no different from those who lost their way. Will and desire pulled me through. It had to be there for me to be here today.
My life has all been a road well-traveled. There have been freeways, side streets and dead ends. I have been cautioned, sped up and slowed down. I have changed lanes, merged with traffic and yielded to the right of way. I have been first at four-way stops and the last to leave. I have driven through heavy rain, sunny days, and dark nights. It is after the darkest of them all, that I came to an intersection. I could pray on or move on. I now move with the traffic. I speed up when I can slow down when I should and pass when I must. Though I am not in a hurry, life for me is not a race. We get to the end of the road soon enough.
I had always struggled to understand my place in the world. It seemed, from the time that I was very young, I had no place to belong; I did not fit. I saw nothing that said to me, welcome home. Through the years, I searched to find the origin of my thoughts. I dodged the truth as long as I could. And the truth is, that from the very moment that my parents created me my roots were planted in a place not yet cultivated for my arrival. No “place” had been prepared for me. The seeds of my beginning assured that I would be challenged and no foe would be as formidable as I would be to me. This inauspicious beginning stayed true to its nature for it was a life I had to wrestle with day by day from year to year.
My strength can from within for there was no force or reason that could know my struggle or sooth my pain. All I had was me and my mind and they proved over time to be my strongest ally. I stood tall when I could but my thoughts would always find a way to let me down. I have been to the edge of the abyss, and just at that moment when my hands went up, I was drawn back by the light of another day.
Through perseverance and an overwhelming drive and determination to be me—the real me—the person who I knew all along I could be, I was rewarded with my life. And I feel chosen to share my knowledge and understanding with those who are called to come. There is a sense that has emerged from my soul that has given me a vision of the workings of the mind and has shaped how I see the world. It is a gift. My awakening came as I realized my purpose in life. It is then that I knew to continue along my path that had now been cleared of the clutter that caused my disordered thinking. It is how you think. And how you think is how you will feel and how you feel is how you will act.
What I write is inspired by the Creator. It is a natural process, not forced or coerced. It is written as I listen to my Self. And my life experiences and observations of the world around me and the wonders of nature are the foundation for my insight. I am on a mission to spread the word and my life has prepared me to be “The Messenger.” You do not have to search for the truth. It has been here all along. You have to believe it to see it. When you see it you will understand. There is more to the mind than what you know.
When you ask yourself a question you must know the answer when you hear it. You have to listen to learn and learn to listen. To do that you must know your Self. The Self is your soul. It is not your mind. You are your Self and your mind abides by your will. This is the way it must be. When it is not, your thinking will be disordered and you cannot know for sure how you are going to feel or act in your relationship with people, places and things, and with your Self. You will not be sure what to do and when you do what you do, you will not know if you are doing it right. It is how you think and when how you think is disordered it will not let you be the person who you were meant to be.
I have not always known that I knew what I know now.