The Journey Starts Here
Why We Feel the Way We Do
You may ask, what could motivate some of us to do what we do. The thing we can do to know the answer, is to know it when we see it. We are the gatekeepers of our mind. What I say now and what I will be saying is not academic. I simply look at life in a way you may never have. And I will give you answers to questions that you did not know you ever had. It is how I see the world and life as it was given. From the beginning to the end, it is all about life, and how we think.
What I have to say is not fiction it is about life and our existence, as I believe it to be. It is not about what you have been told. It is about the way that it is. What is here will help you to know that to see, you must look. You may, see you in what I have to say. When you do not, maybe it will be someone you know and love that comes to mind. Or perhaps one of those troubled souls who you see act out their hurt in all the wrong places and wrong ways when there seems to be no reason. Now you will know what that might be. It is a matter of knowing the real you. The person you see when all else is peeled away. Through growth and enlightenment, you can change the course of your life, if that is what you need or want to do.
This blog is about how we think, feel, act, and why. It is a guide in how to live a better life through your thoughts. It will help you to understand how we all, think. And will show that if how you think is disordered your life will be the same. How you think is the root cause of your negative feelings. The focus is on the Self: your Self, her Self, him Self and my Self―all of us. I did not always know what I know now. I will share what I know with those who will listen. What I have written is the truth, as I know it to be.
First, you have to listen. The more you listen, the more you will understand what it is that you hear. You are sure to think, and feel what you hear if you listen. There will be truths that will cause you to change how you perceive the world around you. This is good. It will challenge the way you think. If it is not a cause to think, what cause is it? I had to think about me. And you will have to think about you.
For those times when we need to connect with what it means when we say, “that’s life,” this will be a reference. It is a way to look at the true nature of what is and how it came to be. The truth tells all when it is told. It is what we have to depend on. It is about how we view the world that each of us lives in. Your world is not just what is around you. It is also what is in your mind, and the things that go on in your head. It is for all of us who have had thoughts about why we think the how we do. Change may be a stranger. As you step closer, you may see a friend.
The Fire This Time
“The Negroes of this country may never be able to rise to power, but they are very well placed indeed to precipitate chaos and ring down the curtain on the American dream.” This is a quote from James Baldwin’s book The Fire Next Time.
And so it was.
Just a short four years later, in the nation’s Capital, I would be standing in the midst of what seem like hell on earth. Some were running, stumbling and falling. Others held on to all that they could as they ran in and out of the shops and stores. More than a few made sure there would be nothing left to burn. Even the bricks were ablaze and crumbling. They were all ages, sizes and shapes, but the one thing they had in common, they were all Black. The area was off-limits to military personnel who were not part of the operation. But I figured out a way around the restriction. I would don my government issued fatigues—our green non-dress uniform—to blend in.
Armed soldiers and military personnel were shouting orders but no one seem to be listening. They took no steps to stop the protesters. Their orders were to stand by, with weapons pointed down. Even as the buildings continued to burn, in places a corridor of flames, they stood by. The heat was intense, only matched by the intensity of the expressions on the faces of the young, and old alike, who were carting off as much as they could carry. It was a free for all. Though there was no doubt in my mind that some of them were there because of their anger. Dr. Martin Luther King had just been assassinated by the system in the form of James Earl Ray. You could expect no less. Oh the irony, when all the smoke cleared and the flames had been doused the guided as well as the misguided were left living among the ashes. The rage had given in to despair. The Black low-income neighborhoods had been reduced to ruin.
Just a few months before his death, Dr. King and leaders of the Southern Christian Leadership Conference (SCLC) held a meeting to plan and organize a Poor People’s Campaign for the coming spring in Washington, D.C. Organizers intended for the campaign to be a peaceful gathering of poor people from communities across the nation. They would march through the Capital and visit various federal agencies in hopes of getting Congress to pass substantial anti-poverty legislation. They planned to stay until some action was taken.
The Poor People’s Campaign did not focus on just poor Black people but addressed all poor people. As history records, before their plans could be realized, Dr. King was cut down by an assassin’s bullet. Although feeling the sorrow of his death, a decision was made to carry on with the campaign. On May 12, 1968, the first wave of demonstrators arrived in Washington. One week later, Resurrection City was built on the Washington Mall. This was a ramshackle settlement of tents and shacks to house the protesters. And as I learned firsthand, to call it housing is being generous, at best.
This time I decide I want to take a close look at the other side of the protest, though still up close, but more personal. I had to focus my mind to take in what my eyes were seeing. Some wandered about with a sort of dazed look as just waking up to a bad dream, while others seemed to seek solace and refuge in their primitive accommodations. It was clear, to me, that most were taking on the symptoms of defeat. It would not take much—under these conditions—to become demoralized. People were hungry; there was not much food or at least an orderly way of providing it to those who needed it most, the young and the old. And there was mud all over and if you did not have boots, and most did not, you had to secure your shoes some place and do your moving about in bare feet. It was a mess. The mud seemed knee-deep in places. This was the heart of the “Poor Peoples” encampment. I went as I go to many other places. I was just curious, not much more than that. But what I saw caused me to return.
It was, to put it simply, a hopeless situation no matter how well intended. The King has died. There was a leadership vacuum; it could not be overcome. The best that I could do was pick several out of the multitude to take to the base for a hot meal and a break from the drudgery of living in such inhospitable conditions. And in two short weeks, I would be discharged from the Air Force and out in the “real world” myself. How was I to know though, that Chicago would be my next destination. Here destiny would step forward once more. Her hands were waving my way. I did not know if I was creating my destiny or it was being laid out for me. Either way, I would be there to see it all. It was not a plan, it just happened.
This is Chicago the time and place that the SCLC would try to resurrect the Poor People Campaign. It was not to be. The eyes of the nation were focused on the Democratic National Convention, the “other” event. Fate had dealt its hand and the cards had been played. It was inescapable, the end of the civil rights era was drawing to a close. There would be a last gasp and a whimper from the Black Power movement to be replaced years later with the rap and hip-hop culture. The sign of greeting is no longer Soul Brother, it has been replaced by my nigger. As it is plain to see, it was a turn by degrees for the worst. If they could only see us now. Time stands still as life moves on. Now here we are.
August 26 to August 29, 1968
I came here to Chicago to find a job, and see my father for the first time. Both of the things I did do. Even so, my mind would not let me rest. I could not resist the draw of the action on the streets leading up the 1968 Democratic National Convention. The convention was held during a year that would be remembered as a wakeup call and a warning to our nation. How easily it seems for us to forget.
Headline 2012: The Pentagon Is Offering Free Military Hardware to Every Police Department in the US
It was a social revolution with no blueprint. The Viet Nam war was in full force, and American “politics” had become a dangerous game in my lifetime. First, there was Dr. Martin Luther King on April 4 and the civil unrest that followed. Two months after Dr. King’s death on June 5, as if timed by fate, came the murder of Democratic presidential hopeful Senator Robert F. Kennedy. Was all of this some kind of test? Yes, it was, and the grades are still coming in. For me, it was as if I had been programmed—I did not think of this then—to be an up close witness to the contest of what is and what is not. I had to be there and did not know it, and had no choice. I quit my job not really knowing why.
My 21st birthday marked the beginning and what soon followed is best described as police brutality and all out “war” on the protesters. It was people control, a step to the future that could not be taken back. There were no hot burning flames of the riots in Washington. The soldiers in Washington had been ordered to stand at ease. It appeared that Mayor Daley had issued orders to “attack and destroy.” And they were followed to the letter. Even bystanders were not safe from the swinging batons if they could not run fast enough.
There were indiscriminate beatings it mattered not male or female, young or old they were routinely clubbed bloody. It was as close as you could get to gender equality. No one was exempt. One scene that was hard to put out of my mind was that of a young female protester—with blood streaming down her ashen face—being dragged by her long blond hair; she was in shock. At this point, she had gone limp the “fight” had been beaten out of her. The only sign of life was a grimace and a moan when her head was allowed to hit the pavement. The cop only let go when he realized the cameras were trained on him. Up to then, it was “caveman.” It was not the Chicago that I had come to love. I would soon be on my way home to Arkansas, I had seen enough. I now had the space to distance myself from the images in my mind.