born to be free you are the master of your destiny

To Love And to Cherish

Black Man Placing Wedding Ring On Black Woman's Finger

Born to be free, but then comes marriage. And marriage comes with a contract—vows—that is as unnatural as marriage itself. This may sound shocking, and to some of you, I am sure it does. But read on and listen to what I have to say. Then you may understand my position and how I think about freedom. To honor and obey, who does that now, or ever has. To bind two people together goes against the natural order of life. It is an unnatural coupling—other than for sex and reproduction—between two people who are different in a major way.

But, of course, man and woman must come together for it is our duty and responsibility, passed on to us by the Creator to assure that human life would endure. Furthermore, to this end and also in God’s plan is that what we do in the furtherance of life be enjoyable. It is built in us to want to feel good and we do this best when we share what we feel with others. Man, woman, and child: We learn to appreciate this instinctively at a very early age. All the time recognizing that timing matters.

above all


Marriage, and its vows, is the greatest agreement that never was.

There is but one true relationship, and that is through our bloodline. Though not always close, and you may not get along, kinship is forever. It is the relationship built to last. All others that are, or that may come to be, are unnatural and difficult to maintain, at best.

The institution of Marriage was founded on the prospect of longevity and closeness: One of the most personal relationships. But it has come to be accepted by most, it seems, as the hardest to hold together. You will often hear that it takes ongoing and never ending work to hold it together. All kinds of “glue” are used to keep it from coming apart—though—none of it stands a chance against the mighty power of infidelity. It is high on the list and the most serious and damaging to the minds of those involved when that driving, unrelenting emotion known as desire takes control.


It could be part of the problem (knowing there is a way out) or the solution. Either way, marriage comes with its own remedy if the relationship cannot go the distance. And that is by way of a divorce, which is born from the beginning. Long Before the ceremonial, I do. It is not love when one or the other or both are living a lie.

Too close for comfort


And coming in second as a place where feelings can sour, even though not as personal as marriage and family, is on the job. Where at times you must try to be someone you are not for eight to twelve hours. It could be any place where you feel you almost have no choice but to be there, which causes you to think in ways you would rather not (see above). For whatever the reason why, you think you must. If there were a list of places and circumstances, it would be limitless. But there is a good reason why a society needs us to be in these “up close” relationships and places.

And if I have not been direct enough before, here it is: Born to be free, we are; though, it all comes down to a need for control and a good measure of stability. An orderly society is born from dependence, a level of control, power when and where needed, and expectation. You cannot avoid much of it as much as you might try. And to be a contributing member to the world community, you should not.

Some situations new to us can be quite uncomfortable to later be environments we look forward to being in and an active participant.


Most humans and other animals need their space and do not take kindly to attempts to control them. It is the wild, if it could be called that, which is in all of us. We are born to be free. It is a vital part of self that makes us who we are. It is the core of how we came to be. We had to be different, just as we had to come in contact with each other and closer than some wanted to be. Does husband and wife in separate beds come to mind here? Going without sex even though you are married, oh my goodness, what is that all about? There are few, very few, acceptable answers to that question.


Being close is more than just a factor in relationships, and it is not natural not to be close/intimate when one or the other desires to be and there seems to be no apparent reason why not. As previously stated, long periods of time together—when there is a main ingredient missing—is ripe for getting on each other’s nerves. If you feel you don’t want to be there and feel you must, you will compensate. We know where this can/will lead. Some of the worst outcomes are born from the alienation of affection.

Many of the ills of societies today and the past are because we have to be near each other when we would rather not. You want it your way, and I want it mine. And the times are few when we want the same. I do it, you do it, and nations do it. One could wonder, if one were so inclined, why is it this way? Why can we not all get along? We may never know why, but we do have to work with what is, if longevity is one of our goals. It is a problem with major and significant consequences.

We are not doing a good job living among each other when the origin of racism, sexism, ageism, religious differences, and a host of other hurtful and hateful feelings and emotions are in us. Those who think they know the answer to the question planted the seed. Is it born in us or is it born from us: questions worth asking. Now, this is what I do. I look to nature. There is one other thing that is central, and at its core, someone has to be in charge.

Born to Lead or Born to Follow

There must be leaders, followers, and all that is in between for society and our lives to function as they should. As it is, we have one who owns the means of production, and the other is the worker. Just look at nature for proof. What can and does cause a problem and disorder is when you have followers wanting to be leaders when they are not, and leaders—in name only— who do not know how to lead. One is there by order of their birth, it was handed down to them, or by some other means without merit. A lack of will, skills, or knowledge is the likely reason others toil away in jobs that have no meaning to them other than a paycheck. Whatever the outcome, it is how both think the thoughts that they do.

There is another group, those who are where they are by force or the weakness of their mind. I will call this group the ones who let others—wives, husbands, boy/girlfriends, and a host of other folks—tell them what to do. All of this causes an unnatural balance that goes against nature. Of course, some who follow begin to lead and work their way up. They had it in them all along. They were where they were only because of circumstance. Nothing is so small that it is not big enough to grow. The main ingredient is in you.

You must be strong, and there are points of care necessary to be so: First, there must be a healthy seed (you), next; that seed must be planted (parents) in fertile soil; then once it sprouts into the world, the creation, which would be you and I (humans), will need weeding to keep the intruders at a distance, and water from the heavens or the hands. God provides the sunshine as well.




There are some who say nothing ever changes — the way it is, is the way it has always been. I say nothing is the way that it has always been. Not a thing made to change has remained the same. One thing that does not change—however—is the roles of nature. The Creator gave the male and the female their roles for life. He handed his greatest gift, which is life, to us with trust. If we even think about going against the will of God, life will be no more for humankind. It is so no matter what God is to you if anything at all. Where we are in our lives can change if change is what we want. The changes may be so small that it seems that there are no changes at all, but when you reach milestones, you will know.

One thing we all should remember, with freedom comes responsibility. The freedom to speak comes with knowing when to do so or not. The freedom to choose comes with “knowing” the choices. And the freedom to be you comes with knowing who you are.


Everyone wants the freedom to do whatever they want, but few know the right thing to do with it when they get it. Some suffer from role confusion when society’s conventions no longer bind them. They want the role reserved by nature for the other one and turn their backs on their own. Some things can change; the core of our existence will not change to the extent that roles will reverse. If so, where would life go? God, The Creator, created us with specific attributes, both male and female alike. It is the way he wanted it to be. And this is the way it shall be, or not a thing will be. None is as blind as the one who refuses to see.

When you go against nature, you go against your best interest. You can only get to where you want to go from where you are. We have been cast in our role; what we do now is act it out.


I say, be the best person that you can be, is the only person that you can. You remember the person, the real you. Let no one tell you who you should be because ultimately, you answer to no one but you. No one can know you the way you know you. So do not let them think they do.

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