It Is How You Think
You Feel and Act How You Think
born to be free you are the master of your destiny
To Love And to Cherish
Born to be free, but then comes marriage. And marriage comes with a contract—vows—that is as unnatural as marriage itself. This may sound shocking, and to some of you, I am sure it does. But read on and listen to what I have to say. Then you may understand my position and how I think about freedom. To honor and obey, who does that now, or ever has. To bind two people together goes against the natural order of life. It is an unnatural coupling—other than for sex and reproduction—between two people who are different in a major way.
But, of course, man and woman must come together for it is our duty and responsibility, passed on to us by the Creator to assure that human life would endure. Furthermore, to this end and also in God’s plan is that what we do in the furtherance of life be enjoyable. It is built in us to want to feel good and we do this best when we share what we feel with others. Man, woman, and child: We learn to appreciate this instinctively at a very early age. All the time recognizing that timing matters.
above all
Marriage, and its vows, is the greatest agreement that never was.
There is but one true relationship, and that is through our bloodline. Though not always close, and you may not get along, kinship is forever. It is the relationship built to last. All others that are, or that may come to be, are unnatural and difficult to maintain, at best.
The institution of Marriage was founded on the prospect of longevity and closeness: One of the most personal relationships. But it has come to be accepted by most, it seems, as the hardest to hold together. You will often hear that it takes ongoing and never ending work to hold it together. All kinds of “glue” are used to keep it from coming apart—though—none of it stands a chance against the mighty power of infidelity. It is high on the list and the most serious and damaging to the minds of those involved when that driving, unrelenting emotion known as desire takes control.
It could be part of the problem (knowing there is a way out) or the solution. Either way, marriage comes with its own remedy if the relationship cannot go the distance. And that is by way of a divorce, which is born from the beginning. Long Before the ceremonial, I do. It is not love when one or the other or both are living a lie.
Too close for comfort
And coming in second as a place where feelings can sour, even though not as personal as marriage and family, is on the job. Where at times you must try to be someone you are not for eight to twelve hours. It could be any place where you feel you almost have no choice but to be there, which causes you to think in ways you would rather not (see above). For whatever the reason why, you think you must. If there were a list of places and circumstances, it would be limitless. But there is a good reason why a society needs us to be in these “up close” relationships and places.
And if I have not been direct enough before, here it is: Born to be free, we are; though, it all comes down to a need for control and a good measure of stability. An orderly society is born from dependence, a level of control, power when and where needed, and expectation. You cannot avoid much of it as much as you might try. And to be a contributing member to the world community, you should not.
Some situations new to us can be quite uncomfortable to later be environments we look forward to being in and an active participant.
SHE WANTS SOME AND HE SLEEPS
Most humans and other animals need their space and do not take kindly to attempts to control them. It is the wild, if it could be called that, which is in all of us. We are born to be free. It is a vital part of self that makes us who we are. It is the core of how we came to be. We had to be different, just as we had to come in contact with each other and closer than some wanted to be. Does husband and wife in separate beds come to mind here? Going without sex even though you are married, oh my goodness, what is that all about? There are few, very few, acceptable answers to that question.
Being close is more than just a factor in relationships, and it is not natural not to be close/intimate when one or the other desires to be and there seems to be no apparent reason why not. As previously stated, long periods of time together—when there is a main ingredient missing—is ripe for getting on each other’s nerves. If you feel you don’t want to be there and feel you must, you will compensate. We know where this can/will lead. Some of the worst outcomes are born from the alienation of affection.
Many of the ills of societies today and the past are because we have to be near each other when we would rather not. You want it your way, and I want it mine. And the times are few when we want the same. I do it, you do it, and nations do it. One could wonder, if one were so inclined, why is it this way? Why can we not all get along? We may never know why, but we do have to work with what is, if longevity is one of our goals. It is a problem with major and significant consequences.
We are not doing a good job living among each other when the origin of racism, sexism, ageism, religious differences, and a host of other hurtful and hateful feelings and emotions are in us. Those who think they know the answer to the question planted the seed. Is it born in us or is it born from us: questions worth asking. Now, this is what I do. I look to nature. There is one other thing that is central, and at its core, someone has to be in charge.
Born to Lead or Born to Follow
There must be leaders, followers, and all that is in between for society and our lives to function as they should. As it is, we have one who owns the means of production, and the other is the worker. Just look at nature for proof. What can and does cause a problem and disorder is when you have followers wanting to be leaders when they are not, and leaders—in name only— who do not know how to lead. One is there by order of their birth, it was handed down to them, or by some other means without merit. A lack of will, skills, or knowledge is the likely reason others toil away in jobs that have no meaning to them other than a paycheck. Whatever the outcome, it is how both think the thoughts that they do.
There is another group, those who are where they are by force or the weakness of their mind. I will call this group the ones who let others—wives, husbands, boy/girlfriends, and a host of other folks—tell them what to do. All of this causes an unnatural balance that goes against nature. Of course, some who follow begin to lead and work their way up. They had it in them all along. They were where they were only because of circumstance. Nothing is so small that it is not big enough to grow. The main ingredient is in you.
You must be strong, and there are points of care necessary to be so: First, there must be a healthy seed (you), next; that seed must be planted (parents) in fertile soil; then once it sprouts into the world, the creation, which would be you and I (humans), will need weeding to keep the intruders at a distance, and water from the heavens or the hands. God provides the sunshine as well.
CREATED AND BORN WHAT GOD WANTED US TO BE
MALE/FEMALE
There are some who say nothing ever changes — the way it is, is the way it has always been. I say nothing is the way that it has always been. Not a thing made to change has remained the same. One thing that does not change—however—is the roles of nature. The Creator gave the male and the female their roles for life. He handed his greatest gift, which is life, to us with trust. If we even think about going against the will of God, life will be no more for humankind. It is so no matter what God is to you if anything at all. Where we are in our lives can change if change is what we want. The changes may be so small that it seems that there are no changes at all, but when you reach milestones, you will know.
One thing we all should remember, with freedom comes responsibility. The freedom to speak comes with knowing when to do so or not. The freedom to choose comes with “knowing” the choices. And the freedom to be you comes with knowing who you are.
FREEDOM TO CHOOSE
Everyone wants the freedom to do whatever they want, but few know the right thing to do with it when they get it. Some suffer from role confusion when society’s conventions no longer bind them. They want the role reserved by nature for the other one and turn their backs on their own. Some things can change; the core of our existence will not change to the extent that roles will reverse. If so, where would life go? God, The Creator, created us with specific attributes, both male and female alike. It is the way he wanted it to be. And this is the way it shall be, or not a thing will be. None is as blind as the one who refuses to see.
When you go against nature, you go against your best interest. You can only get to where you want to go from where you are. We have been cast in our role; what we do now is act it out.
BORN TO BE YOU NOT ME
I say, be the best person that you can be, is the only person that you can. You remember the person, the real you. Let no one tell you who you should be because ultimately, you answer to no one but you. No one can know you the way you know you. So do not let them think they do.
attractions or distractions you be the judge
“What Distracts You The Most Is Your Mind”
Attractions or distractions, you be the judge. There are reasons why you let things distract you, even when you do not know why. When you are distracted, it can be good, or not good at all. It depends on your thoughts and how you are thinking them. If a thing distracts you when you have good thoughts, it likely is not good. If you are distracted when your thoughts are not good, the distraction could be welcomed and a relief. It is the thinking that you do afterward that makes the difference in what you do next. So, it is not all about distraction. There should be more in our lives that we are attracted to than not. And there are several cautions that will be in your best interest to remember.
When you find a person, place, or even a “thing” attractive to you, it opens a “one-way” channel for your feelings. It is not a distraction—it is an attraction. It is by way of a preference we all have for that which “pulls” us in. We are attracted to people, places, and things that are attractive to us. But what turns me on may not do a thing for you. It is not by us; it is in us.
Attractions lead to desire, and it is from this point where how you feel, and act will decide the outcome. Here is where a misinterpretation of the circumstance is likely to occur. Is it real, or is it the imagination with a heavy dose of fantasy? An image created to take your mind for a ride.
the road leads back to you
Since the advent of modern-day marketing, lines are blurred, and it is difficult for many to know what they are attracted to or not. Is it unfettered attraction, or have you been led to think—by suggestion—what you find attractive. What you think you feel may be the hype and manipulation of the marketing machine. Just as in relationships, what you think you see may not be that at all. When you peel away the veneer, you realize it was just an illusion, a trick to gain your attention. There is truly little that is what it seems to be; do you really know what is in that? You can “read the label” and still not know.
It has all come down to us against them. As has been put forth by the cautionary rule, “Let the buyer beware.” Is this person, place, or thing just another someone or something made up to draw you in to seal the deal? And then it is a wrap. These objects of attraction are like magnets; they draw you in when the wise thing would be to maintain your distance. Some will forgo all the signs to the contrary and plunge headfirst into the swirl of promotions, sales gimmicks, and marketing gadgets. The techniques are not exclusive to business concerns. There are men and women of all levels of society just as adept.
sex appeal
Though we can be attracted to many things, the intense feelings you can have for the opposite sex tugs at your emotions and can play havoc with your mind. You must decide, for no one can do it for you if the feeling is actionable. Or just the result of your life circumstance; loneliness, for example. The answer comes, and you must know it when it does, for it is not always so apparent. And there are those times when the intent is to deceive. Another word for that is a setup. One should know the difference, for it could be a life saver. You should take the first step in only after an invitation to do so.
You are the gatekeeper of your mind, so you must know what to allow in your head.
When you are attracted to the object of your desire, the mind tends to go on a flight of fantasy. And before you know it, if you are not grounded in reality, you will take off into the unknown. As is often the case, it may turn out to be something/someone you should walk away from rather than to venture closer. Much of this you may already know from firsthand knowledge; if so, treat this as just a reminder.
We base our preferences on how we view our wants and desires. They are subject to change as our mind goes from one thought to another. It depends on what is there to think about and what this does to how you feel. So, this is a consideration that you must give before losing yourself in the excitement of this most powerful force of attraction. It draws you in rather than pushes you away. Far too many, to their detriment, are distracted by their attractions.
What distracts some the most is when they think about what they believe others think about them. And, of course, it is how you think. So, then they try a never-ending effort to change things about themselves that cannot or should not be changed. They change how they dress, how they speak, and yes, even their face. In their effort to cover up what they think is a not so nicely shaped nose, cheekbones, eyes, skin tone, or other believed to be flaws, some apply cosmetics of all kinds to the point where those who know them feel forced to lie and say they look natural and so becoming. It is not a nice thing to do to your friends and loved ones.
MAKEUP IS FINE FOR THE RIGHT REASON
Do it because you want to not because you think you have to.
on your way out
Remember this, a change in makeup will not change who you are. The Self is your makeup. It is the soul of a person, it is who you are, and it does not change. New makeup is not what you need. An overhaul of how you think is what you need and will take care of any feelings of inadequacy, if there are any. It will change how you feel, which will change how you act and view the world around you. Let how you act be the face that you show the world. You should not depend on your looks to speak for you. Your outer person is only there to compliment who you are and not to be the complete representation of you.
Makeup and a getup (outfit) will not keep you up, forever: How you think can. When how you look does not match your inner Self, it creates pressure. You then must try to act the way you look. The real you can only come out when the outside is inside. How you feel, then, depends on how you look, and with time the looks will change right before your eyes. Try as hard as you might—your looks will not remain the same. They will lose a step to age. No one can march against time. The hands on the “clock” can standstill; the hands of time will not. And the struggle with who you see in the mirror is just as futile.
You fool no one when you try to hide, and there is no cover-up to make up for the difference. It is how you think and how you think leads the way to what you do next. To change how you feel about yourself, you have to change how you think about yourself. You have done too much, though, when what you do have you looking like who you are not—even worse—to act the same. We can see you and so can you when you look.
A race against yourself can never be won
dependent thinking has no place to go
Dependent state of mind. It is talking to you. Should you listen? To understand what comes next, you must become a part of what you hear when you read. But you do have to listen to what you hear. They are not the same. You must put forward the effort to listen, hearing you do not. It has to sink in and be what you want to do, not what you are told to do.
“It is what got me here and would not let me leave until it carried me away.”
If you want to listen to what I have to say, then say what you have to say. Nothing but the truth is the only way we can understand who we are and how we feel. Now is the time. Fill in the blanks, if only in your mind.
My name is __________and I live in___________. I am__________. My______________. I now realize that_________. And it is because____________. When I was growing up my_______. I got_________. Why________. There are times when________. I have tried_________. No one________. I need________. If_________. Then________. They__________. It_________. I am open to__________. I just feel________ I think_________.
Dependent or not, much of what I say may not be clear to you on first reading. But it will all be clear to you once you understand. It may take more than just a glance; we do not always understand the “new” when we first look. And this is change. What we think we know is not all there is. What you read here, and if so inclined, listen to, is just another way to look at life. If you are dependent on anyone, or you have been, you will see yourself and understand. It is not a story. What you see is the truth. There are two characters: You and I. There is a reason why our lives are the way they are. No matter how you live, a dependent state of mind only grows until you think it away.
It keeps me from sinking, but it doesn’t allow me to swim.
You can only tread water for so long. You have to swim, or you will sink. And you must know how to swim. Someone must teach you: few of us learn on our own. When you refuse to give in to defeat, you do your best at learning from what you think about what you see. And what we see may not always be what we think it is. But until you know, say so.
Dependent with no one to depend on
It all begins with a walk through the mind. At some point, many will become dependent on others. They are not soon to realize the gravity of this burden until they are bowed by its weight. You are now where you need help to help yourself. What is this, you will say to yourself and find it depressing even to have to ask? I never knew that I thought this way, you will think. One thing you will know without delay, it is a sign of weakness. Looking back over your life, you realize it is nothing new. It is your background and upbringing that was a breeding ground for this type of behavior. And what was set in motion then still gets in your way today.
Once the dependent mindset comes to life in the mind, it will tug on you for many years to come. It will hold you back and become a way of life. And many of your choices are made with this way of thinking. You reach for the quick and easy. You will do that when you are willing to settle for less than your best. And you pay for it by letting go of what dignity you have left. And you know, the independent things you did when you were growing up could not help you overcome the weakness in you. It was all deep down inside. It held on and would not let go. No doubt you have had accomplishments and did not have the mind to hold on to them. Employment, marriage, leadership, and positions of respect all of it, you have let or is letting slip away.
Do not do it; not a day longer.
Nothing has seemed to change your dependent way of thinking. It could be you who win just to lose on purpose, unaware or refusing to be aware. I don’t know, just a thought. It is a thought worth thinking that no one would put forth the effort to win and then lose on purpose. Your mind—yet again—telling you what to do. When you should have been the one doing the talking and telling your mind who’s the boss. You did not do the best for yourself, and it was all caused by your insecure feelings and low self-esteem, which had always been there. It—in turn—caused you to think in ways that made no sense. You did not have the space to learn to love yourself. You do not hurt that which you love. And hurt is what you were doing.
Hurting is the reason for it all. You need to feel loved to give love.
When your roots are planted in loose soil, it will cause you to feel uncertain about who you are. All you can do is search for something to hold on to, to keep from blowing in the wind. Only a drive to survive is what you own. And one day, you open your eyes. It is then that you realize you have become dependent on those around you. It got the best of you and drove you to the wall.
When you live your life this way, you always have to keep the edge—stay in control—which you cannot do. When you let go of your grip and try to be yourself, your advantage will give way, and so will your hold. You have to be yourself first because that is who you are, and in doing so there is no need for control. When we are not being who we are, it will not be us, they know. If you have not had this experience, think about what it would be like for those who have. The hunter is now the game. Do not think your “Self” into the grip of dependency. Though there are aspects of life that must be as we expect them to be. We depend on this as we do life itself. It is nature’s way, as intended.
now you do as i say
Now you see it, now you don’t. It was an illusion.
To depend on is a way of life. The way it is meant to be. To be dependent on a person, place, or thing is just a way to say I quit. It shows a lack of “Self” awareness.
You should never think you cannot accomplish on your own. That you need the help of someone else just to be whole. It is not how anyone should live. Never think you have no choice. In a relationship, on the job, or any other time or place, you have to feel free to be you. We have the right to be who we are. Our role in life depends on it. We can be no one else. You only do this when you find it hard for whatever reason to be yourself. No one can know who you are when you do not know yourself. How can they? Though they will try, with your help, to tell you who you are. If ever we stray from our SELF, we must find our way back. There is no other way to look at it.
We can search, but we will not find a thing more important to us than being aware of the Self. If not, we cannot have reliable expectations of what life has in store for us.
You are the only one who can say who you are
Our world has to be made ready for us before we arrive. We are born for others to take care of us. It is to be that way—that is—until we can take care of ourselves. To do so, we have to be made ready. These are the things that we get from those who are responsible for our care. If we do not, our life can be a difficult road to travel. And no one will be eager to help if they think you should already know what you do not. Many will see this as your fault—the person who this lack of care and guidance has hurt. That is unless they have a reason to care. Not at all, though, if they feel they have no choice but to do so.
You cannot lift yourself up when your mind is holding you down. To be dependent when you should not be is not a good thing to be. But, it is what you do when you do not have confidence in yourself. It will not let you grow. You can be in a relationship where you are being held back by how you think your thoughts, not knowing what would cross the line that you know is there, if you could muster the strength to be you. All along, you are feeling your status is in doubt. And of course how could you think otherwise.
Depend not on a source when you do not know what you give for what you get. Simply put, this means when someone is helping you, and you do not understand why. For that which you are not sure, not a thing about it can be for sure. There is not much we can be sure of when we are not sure of Self.
When you are dependent, you do not know if your feelings are true, or you are just trying to survive. You do what you think you must do while all the time painfully bound by your status. You don’t know if you should draw a breath when you are unsure if you should breathe. In times such as this, your thinking will be disordered. It caused you to think yourself into this. It would be another step like the other steps that got you here. You do not want to leave, but you cannot stay. You, at last, hear your Self calling. And you must listen to what you hear. It was the only way to be you. There is no room for you there.
dependent thinking has no place to go
where there is a need there is a way
We do have to depend on life for what we need. It is one of the rules of nature. It is how we survive. To depend and to be dependent on are not the same. One we must and the other we should try with all our might not to be.
Light Skin vs. Dark Skin why a choice
Light Skin Dark Skin Mixed
MY RESPONSE TO A NATIONAL PUBLICATION ON COLORISM
The author speaks of colorism among Black folks in this country—well, I have news for her. It is no different wherever there are Blacks who are the descendants of slaves, having a range of melanin and pigmentation, hair texture from nappy to bone straight, and other attributes and characteristics that you would expect from the rape and ravaging of the Black woman. Combine this with the natural and expected inclination to want to imitate in ways possible the actual or perceived attributes of those who hold the ultimate power; you get colorism.
HISTORY TELLS ITS OWN STORY
White, for many worldwide, has more worth in society than other “colors.” And for some Blacks—with our inherited history—lean toward, though, not fully embrace, this type of thinking. Three hundred years is an awfully long time to be dominated: Enslaved if you will. There is no way it could be otherwise. It would defy every realm of psychology and what we know about the brain and memory.
What is prized is what is wanted; if you have it and others do not, you know it, and they do as well. And it all stems from the enslavement of Blacks. First, the physical our ancestors had to endure, and just as damaging, if not even more, the inherited mental damage to the lineage born after that. History tells its own story.
Furthermore, and most significantly for most of the occupied earth, and at times, it feels like it could extend to other planets, is that Blacks do not have that essence of beauty. Unless, however, we border on having “European” features. Until not too long ago, most if not all of the countries in Africa were colonies of White countries. First, they lost control of the continent then started to lose their identity. Now the women—I am sure some men—are bleaching their skin, and the women and girls are straightening their hair and wearing weaves and wigs. They have been adopting the “white look” for some time, and it is now expected. But no less disturbing. You never become numb to seeing it.
For us, the Blacks in America, what are the features and attributes that would be enough to classify us—a group of people—as a race. Yes, I said group. And at what point or dividing line would this change our classification. We, as Black folks, do not have our own name; we did not all come from the same place in Africa, and most of us do not know our ancestral roots. Many of us are the offspring of ancestors who themselves were the offspring of a bred in miscegenation and so we are of different shades and hues. Some of us grew up in a different family life—in different “worlds” because of the differences.
Black folks are light skin, dark skin, and all of the shades in between.
LIGHT BRIGHT AND DAMN NEAR WHITE
There are just as many who do not share a common worldview, so I ask, how can we be expected to think or act as a group consistently over time lockstep. That is just asking too much. It is not going to happen. Color difference, skin tone, and, yes, hair texture—which presents a psychological and physical challenge for most Blacks—are used to classify and judge us the world over. It is what it is. And we—as descendants of slaves whose bodies were the property of others, who lost our combined identity—became divided as the result of the sexual desire of the master and his drive for the comforts of wealth.
Light Skin: A Story My Mother Told Me
The train ride home, in many ways, would signal some of what was to come from an unexpected source. As my mother tells it, she was cradling me in her arms. Just as you would expect a new mother would. And easing up to her side, in this segregated train, a nice White woman could not let her need to know hold her back. I guess looking was not quite enough for her. She had to know why my mother had a White baby in her arms. I must have been a tad lighter then, or it could have been my skin next to my mother’s much darker complexion that gave this appearance. Maybe this is what gave me a white enough look that this dear woman could not resist.
My father and mother are Black, just as I am. We have a past where the female of our race was not allowed to say no to the plantation boss. For this reason, some Black folks are more black than others are. It is the same with the way we think, for some. We run the color wheel from cold black to almost white. For me, as it is with many Blacks, one parent—my mother—was dark(brown)-skinned, and my father is light, exceptionally light. Hard feelings and just plain old hate as the result of this kind of setup is guaranteed. For sure, when a light-skin offspring is the result of this kind of coupling. It is just another level of complication when there should be none.
It began with a boat ride, or should I say ship. It has been complicated for Blacks from the first time we set foot on soil that was not Africa.
And of course, the complete control over the Black female by the White master allowed him to use our women, and in many instances our men, as they willed. When you see this, you will see dissension. The shade of a Black person’s skin made a difference then, and as so stated, it makes a difference in the Black community to this day. It is an issue. It is a type of tension that kind of simmers and will often boil to the top; stopping just short of the tipping point. I have had to fend off a number of attacks–verbal and physical–from my own people. Needless to say and with regret, they were darker skinned. Now that is a hell of a thing. Some were so upset with my skin tone that they flung the yellow m_ _ _ _ _f_ _ _ _ _ _. word my way.
There are times when a truce and an uneasy alliance is all you can get. It is the old light skin vs. dark skin, with the light skin as the winner, in most cases. That is what is thought by those who do not know our history or choose to ignore it for insecure reasons. But who is counting. We are on the run. It is what the mind can be made to believe. You never know which way to turn. So, you turn on the one closest to you. That would be your Self.
One thing that has always been—as far as we know—is free will. We like what we like and should have the right to do so. And as it relates to mates, the love for the yellow bone has not changed. They were a prize from when the first one was created by the White man and Black woman. Now the Black man and White woman are creating their very own. It should have been expected.
There is no right or wrong when it comes to mating and whom you choose to mate with; it is simple as that. My body, my choice. Why not when you have one. I see not a thing wrong with that if mating is not forced as was done to us. It is what it is, and it was handed to us. It was all born in slavery and lives on in us. All there is comes from what was. It is called history. We can deny it, but we will not change it. Black men saw and, of course, could do nothing about the White man taking and raping the Black woman and girls, at will.
BEAUTIFUL BLACK WOMEN AND GIRLS
When the plantation owner/slave master so desired, he would rape the wives and daughters of the defenseless man slaves: his cruelty had no end. So, the desire to do the same with the White woman grew each time a “yellow bone” was born. For it reminded the Black man of what the White man had done to and with his own. And as an inevitable consequence, it created a desire in the Black man for the light, bright and White. So, the White man, through his actions, planted the seed deep in the Black man’s psyche, and from that inauspicious beginning, the thought of the forbidden fruit with its allure, would grow and sprout into action from the Black man’s mind.
HAPPY HAPPY FAMILY
If you are mad at me for what I have written, it only means you do not understand what I wrote. If you want me to explain, just ask.
The legacy of slavery is real
touch me feel me come with me
The Sense of Touch
Touch is the first of the five senses to develop in the womb and, thereon, plays an essential role in our everyday life and even in our existence. While the other four senses (sight, hearing, smell, and taste) are in specific parts of the body, the sense of touch is all over. A nerve, also known as a sensory neuron, comes from every part of the body to carry impulses to the brain or spinal cord concerning the condition of the body. Within the body, the nerves are like the branches of a tree. They run to every part of the body, from the soles of the feet to the top of the scalp and from just below the skin to the inner organs such as the heart, liver, and lungs. They give us information about the things with which our body comes in contact. And body to body contact is one of those things.
The skin is the largest organ in the body. The nerve endings in our skin tell us what we feel, physically. The skin is a feeler. It is the organ used by the body for touching. Some areas of the body are more sensitive than other parts because they have more nerve endings. The body’s most sensitive areas are our hands, lips, face, neck, tongue, fingertips, feet, and the vaginal and groin area. Women tend to have a better sense of touch due to smaller finger size. All they need to do, in my opinion, is to use them more often, as should men. The body is more sensitive in different areas for a reason. We detect if something is squishy, wet, juicy, smooth, rough, hard, or soft through the sense of touch.
If you are normal, with no hang-ups, it feels good to be touched by those who want to touch you.
But of course, if someone touches you and it is not the touch you want or the right time, that is different. It can be a very unpleasant feeling, to say the least. It can cause you to react in a very unpredictable way, as you know. It usually does not end well. Or what is worst, you say nothing to the offender. You have to be the master of your world to be in touch with your Self. So, do not be touched when you wish not to be. The most intimate senses, of course, are the sense of smell and touch. So, when you feel it, you will know it. And who would have ever thought that there would come a day when there has to be a national campaign to let people know it is OK, even a good thing, to touch again.
This nonsense, if nothing else, tells us that political correctness has become a caricature. It is making fun of itself.
There are married couples, would you believe, that go for years and never touch each other. Some take it a step further and sleep in separate beds in different rooms. Now that is bad and is not good for any reason. We know some of the best touching goes on under the sheets. Touch, in this scenario, is likely the last sense we use just before we taste it. What about those taste buds on that tongue. You may see it, you may hear it, you may smell it, but when you touch it, you know it is real. Just as with love. “I want a love I can feel the only kind of love I know is real.”
There is nothing more real than the feel of the human body. That is when I know that you are there. To move your hands slowly and circuitously from the crown of the head to the bottom of the feet, on the way taking in the hills, the valleys and sweeping the curves. Around the toes making sure to spread them apart gently using each of your fingers, size appropriate, between each toe. Reaching and stretching to softly massage the “fat meat.” All the time, the scent beckons you to the honeypot. It is the smell of nature’s pearl. There is no better feel or smell than that of a freshly washed body—not just any body—where there are no cover-ups, no fancy displays, and adornments.
Now some like it a little sweated up from the start, after exercise, or some other activity when the “funk” is high. But however you like it, you know it is right when all you hear is the silent call of desire. A whisper though no word has been spoken.
The body has a language of its own. It tells you what it feels. The back will arch, the thighs will flex and tense, and the mound of Venus will quiver ever so slightly. And under the hood wishes to set free.
The body prepares itself for the man and woman as the brain directs the fuel of life to areas that say, I need you now. The juice flows, the tide rises, and the boat floats. All is ready. You move to be received. There is an ache of desire and a flame of passion that blinds the eyes, for we need not see. All comes from a thought, a smell, and the human touch. You are in another world though you have not left the one you are in now. It is a free fall as you pass yourself and leave your heart behind. Touch the taste of the body sweet. And find me where the minds meet.
Touch has a tremendous impact on most animals’ physical and psychological well-being. Our skin containing sensory receptors allows us to identify several distinct types of sensations. Numerous studies of humans and other animals have shown that touch greatly impacts how we develop physically and respond to the world mentally. So, this leads me to talk a little Sigmund Freud, “the father of sex,” and his theory. This one relates to touch, and I have my own experience from childhood that illustrates his approach. It also has to do with breastfeeding.
And I have just a little to say about what I remember of being aroused for the first time. Though likely, it was not the first, just the first that I was old enough to remember. I guess I was about, I don’t know, maybe three.
But first, let’s talk breastfeeding
In the first eight to twelve months of your life, a baby is often frustrated in their need to suckle. This can be because Mother is uncomfortable or even rough with the baby or tries to wean too early. Then the baby may develop an oral-passive character. Now, remember this is coming from Freud. An oral-passive personality tends to be rather dependent on others. They often retain an interest in “oral gratifications” such as eating, drinking, and smoking. It is as if they were seeking the pleasures they missed in infancy. He just may be on to something here.
Touch with YOUR lips no teeth please
When we are between five and eight months old, we begin teething. One satisfying thing to do when you are teething is to bite on something. Your Mother’s nipple, for example, is one of the things you find tempting. If this causes a great deal of upset and precipitates an early weaning, you may develop an oral-aggressive personality. These people retain a life-long desire to bite on things, such as pencils, gum, and other people. They also tend to be verbally aggressive, argumentative, sarcastic, and so on. I do not know about that, but I know about this. Or should I say what I was told. Not by my mother but by a person who seemed to know everything and everybody and known as the neighborhood’s “head gossiper.” She was an aunt and lived next door when I was a child.
My aunt told me that my mother would come to where I lived and breastfeed me. She did not say how often. I did not live with my mother or my dad. I lived with my dad’s sister and her husband. And on this one day, while my mother was nursing me, I did the unthinkable. I bit my mother’s nipple off, yes, that’s right, off. I must have been angry. Each time my mother left, I am sure I felt abandoned. Abandonment is another one of Freud’s theories. Knowing what I know now, I understand. She did not have much to choose from the choices she had made. And her options were limited for we know: IT IS HOW YOU THINK
did I do that
I do not recall any of this, nor do I know that it actually happened. But I could see myself doing what I was told that I did. With a beginning like mine, who would not be upset and sad at the same time. And likely quite hungry. If my aunt had not told me this, I would have never known. As my aunt so gleefully told me, I just opened wide and chomped down on my mother’s nipple. It appeared to Freud that the infant found its greatest pleasure in sucking, especially at the breast. Though, I have never seen where he addressed nipple mutilation by an infant/toddler. If that is indeed what occurred.
Before I wind things down on the sense of touch, it would be remiss of me not to say a little something about sex. And as I mentioned, Freud was—if nothing else—the self-anointed sex master. For Freud, the sex drive is the most important motivating force. In fact, for him, everything, all of our actions and thoughts, somehow has its roots in our sexuality. Freud felt it was the primary motivating force not only for adults but for children and even infants. He was not bashful about promoting his theories and the public in Vienna—where he introduced his ideas—was more than a little shocked. These were not the most enlightened times.
Touch and Orgasm
The capacity for orgasm from a neurological sense is there from birth; this is true. But Freud was talking about more than orgasm. Sexuality meant not only intercourse, but also all pleasurable sensation from the skin. It is clear that babies, children, and, of course, adults, enjoy being touched, caressed, kissed, and so on. Freud noted that different parts of our skin give us the greatest pleasure at different times in our lives. Later theorists would call these areas erogenous zones. Now let us move on to my arousal.
MY FIRST MEMORY OF BEING TURNED ON
I remember my aunt giving my cousin and me baths in a number 3 size washtub. She is a year older than I am and always acted much older than her age. My body and mind, at the age of three, or maybe it was four, did not know any difference between what I saw and what I was feeling. It was all the same and had no label. The last bath of this kind was when my aunt noticed my aroused state, and the routine came to a sudden stop. As if a warning sign popped up in her head.
Here is the rest of the story
My aunt would sometimes keep me when her sister, my aunt (who would become mother by adoption), I lived with, was at work. So I am sure the coed bathing had gone on for a while. And I can only imagine how overworked my sense of sight must have been, and I am all but sure a touch here and there as well. None of it lasted long enough for me. As with most things in a young mind, the feelings moved on after that dreadful day. There was no carryover of feelings for my cousin; of course, I did not know what a cousin was at my age. I was just getting in touch with my feelings. It was just sensual, not a thing personal about it. It could have been anyone. The feeling would not have changed.
Hearing the bad news of no more baths in the #3 tub with my tub mate, I did what a small child with big feelings would do, I acted my age, crying and throwing a fit. I ran under the house to hide, which I would do when I did not get my way. Acting out when I could not is something that would hound me for years to come. Of course, I no longer sought refuge under the house. But I would still react in a not-so-nice way when someone did not agree with me. Though, who among us would not be upset to have your pleasure snatched from you — as you were enjoying it no less. Then or anytime would be just as cruel.
It is a shock to your system with no warning or prior notice, much like it would feel turning over in the middle of the night aroused by the onset of desire: And guess what, you reach for your love mate, husband, girlfriend, boyfriend, or wife and what you expect is not what you get. The body says, not tonight, I am not in the mood.
I cannot say that I understood what was happening to me. But what I did know is that I had lost something that feels good. To touch and be touched is universal; there is no equal. It is how our souls truly connect. Without it, where would we be? A lonesome soul is what you would have.
Thinking our Thoughts is what we do
MORE TO THINK ABOUT
Thinking our thoughts is what we live to do. There is nothing more critical to your sense of Self and well-being than your thoughts and how you think them. Our thoughts and how we think them are what determine what we do and say. What we want from our lives depends on it. They are our own and one thing we have that no one can take from us. So, embrace that power with all your might.
Thoughts will come and go, but they do not go away. You will not undo a thought. Once you have a thought, you think it, or it lives on in your memory as just a thought. There is not a thing that a thought will reverse to. Though, your perception of which our thoughts are based might change. In turn, this could change what you think. You can have the thought again. But not think about it in the same way or manner. If it connects with things in your life, it will move forward.
You must know the existence of people, places, and things to have a thought about them. When you do know but do not remember, you know no less. A new thought will remind you if there is a need. You will not know how much you know until you know more than you know now. We do not use what we know as we learned it. It was only information then. We use what we learn after it becomes knowledge. Knowledge is when you have a full and complete understanding of what you have learned. That is how and why it is knowledge. Know what you think you know. Know what you do not. Knowledge will do you no harm. However, how you think about and act upon what you know can. You can be perfect in what you do. However, you will not be perfect in how you think.
NOW IS THE TIME
Life depends on decision-making
Life is full of decisions that you and I must make. There are times when you have to decide on what you do not know. If you do not know what is around the corner, you may choose not to go there. Our thoughts can lift us up or hold us down. It depends on how we think them. You have no power greater than to think your thoughts. No one knows what you are thinking but you; they only see how you act. And—of course—you act on what you think and feel. Thinking is fuel for the mind. How great it is to use.
By its nature, we tend to spend more time thinking a negative thought, not that we think more negative thoughts. And it is for a good reason—it requires more attention just by its nature. It can cause you to imagine the worst, and you can dwell on it to no end. If it does leave, it will keep coming back until you think it through.
Positive feels good. Negative does not.
The most useless and damaging thought anyone can think about is what they think others think about them. It causes discomfort, worry, and low self-esteem for those open to it and is the direct result of disordered thinking. To be overly concerned about what others think about you is self-defeating with no redeeming value. You should not let that cause you a minute of pain. Let no one, including yourself, influence your thoughts to make you feel bad—though many will try, and so will you. More than likely, they would not approach you with this in mind if they did not think they could. How you act is how you are known. No one can know what is on your mind.
How you act is what will lead others to believe what they do about you. That is if they do not have their reasons to think otherwise. But for those with no agenda, it is how you are thought of when they think of you. How else can they know who you are? When you change how you think and act—if that is what you need to do—you change what is thought of you.
Painful thoughts are painful to think
When you have painful thoughts, there is a cause. Painful thoughts, if you take time to think them, will show in how you act. You can come to depend on them and wallow in your misery, perversely being relieved by the pain. And then take it a step further and feel that it is normal. But, of course, it never is. Yes, it does hurt to think the wrong thoughts, and it cannot be realistically rationalized away. What you think should not be the cause of pain. And the reason for thinking this way, has its roots in childhood. No matter what actions of yours stirs it now. When in pain, you will make hurtful decisions for yourself and others as well.
what a frustrating mess
You cannot be the best at what you say and do when your thinking is disordered. One of the most difficult tasks in life is to change how you think, when that is what you need to do. You must understand how and why you think the way you do. You have to know how to think the way that is best for you. Do not let how you think, and act be based on thoughts you are not sure of, for how you act will be unpredictable; this you know. Now, you must admit that you need to change how you think. That is the first step to being you, the real you.
Do not listen to a disordered mind and let it tell you what to do. It matters not if it is your mind and your way of thinking or that of someone else. You and your mind are where you should not be if what is said and done and what you tell yourself makes you feel uncomfortable and ill at ease. One important thing to keep in mind is that no one can make you feel any way other than how you wish unless you have given them permission to do so. And this is evident to them by how you treat yourself. They “see” you; you do not. And this is a true example of “they see you coming before you get there.” Your reputation has indeed preceded you.
How you think is how you will act and when how you think is disordered, there is something wrong with the thoughts you have to think. You are insecure about who you are, or should I say who you think you are. You are better than you think. When you think the way you do, you will see yourself build your life and the things you care about up just to tear them down. You will repeat this behavior and thinking throughout your life until you change how you think. You will do this without fail. It is a pattern that does not change. That is until you change.
When your thinking is disordered, it can, and often does, cause hypersensitivity. No one—even those relatives and friends who care about you—wants to stand close to the “flame.” Few of them will say they do not want to be scorched, but it is what most of them are thinking. But some who would come near if not for fear of being upset by your words and actions. When you change how you think, how others treat you will change as well. You know the pain of living with how you think and just how hard it is living with what is going on in you.
When how you think is disordered and how you act is preceding you as you live your life, you are not soon to realize it. When things are not right, we look at all the other places, first, for an answer. For sure, though, we will not harm ourselves with full knowledge of what we are doing. It goes against the first law of nature. That is growth and survival. And to grow, you must be strong. You have to believe it to see it, and when you see it, you will know. What do you believe?
self confidence
If you are not sure of what you think about your thoughts, you will not have the confidence to make informed decisions in your best interest. You should not allow thoughts that bring more weight than relief to think to take up room in your mind. Perhaps another time if they come back not the same, but similar. If—however—you choose to continue, it will cause mixed feelings. Then, yes, you will act in ways that you cannot always foresee or predict. Do not let these kinds of thoughts take hold. It will leave you with a conflicting view of what is real. You must see these thoughts for what they are: a type of bad dream or recurring nightmare that does not want to go away. When you do not, you will bow to the weight, which is sure to lead to “Self” sabotage.
I cannot say it enough about how we act is what others use to judge us, and it is the face that we show the world. Thoughts and feelings are not for us to see. The best we can know about the thoughts of others and how they feel is by how they act. This is how others know us, as well. Plainly put, we relate to each other by the actions we take and the moves we make. And as we about, no one has an obligation to understand us. That is a personal responsibility if you wish to be understood. And that you should.
It is not as hard for you to change how you act as it is not to. You do it all the time. When you start to think better, you will act better. If you do not see you—think—whom do you see. We touch others by what we say and do, and likewise they touch us by what they do. How we think is where it all begins. And there is not a time when we do not think. That is not the problem. What we think can be.
When how you think and act is the result of the pain you feel, you must trace your pain to where it leads. That would be your childhood. Your childhood is real, and its effect on you—good or bad— is real. You must look back one last time. First, though, we have to let down our defense, drop our guard, maybe, for the first time. The hurt that you feel maybe clouded by time, but as you know, it does not change a thing. We were a child in an adult world. It does not matter; it is the thoughts of our childhood that hurts. If it is not you, it is someone you know, whether you know it or not.
If the trip is difficult to take, try being me, and I will be you. It will help you understand how the millions who suffer here and around the world may feel. How they act is a way to learn about us. You can do it after you change how you think. Yes, many are hurting. The pain has its roots in and grows from a life of being interfered with. We have to go back to this point. It is where our path to the right way of thinking begins.
Is it the way we remember it to be? Some things we can change, others we have to change how we think about them. The past will never change. Memories of days since passed should not be your guide. It is for a good reason. What we can recall about the past can change. Then our memories are more false than they are true. They tell us what was, not what is or what is going to be. You can go to the past with your thoughts and thinking when you want; just remember to come back to the present. There is no room there. All the things there have been. The past is filled.
Spending too much time thinking about the past than “living” in the present has its problems, and they are not small. For one, you are looking back when you should be looking ahead. Life is in front of you, and when not paying attention, your path forward will be hazardous to you and the turmoil as a result, will cause problems for those around as well.
If you suffer, and there is not just one way, you do not know why. If you knew why you would not suffer. The why is you tell yourself that you are not worthy. You think you are not good enough and do not deserve to be yourself and be happy. Do not say that in any form. If you do, know that it is not true. The Self does not want to hear it. When we hurt ourselves, there is a memory that has hurt us. When love is not there, the place where it should be will not be left empty. Hurt will fill its place.
The drive to survive is born with us. It is the first law of nature. Do not do harm to what has been given. This will cause grief and will harm others in your life, as well. Most of the problems in our lives today are caused by how we think. Not how others think. We bring the problems on ourselves. Many times, it is when you think you know the thoughts of others as well as you know your own.
YOU MUST LISTEN TO LEARN AND LEARN TO LISTEN
You can look but not see and hear but not listen.
You have to be prepared to learn. You must learn how to listen and listen to learn. You have to listen to what you read. Listen to what is said to you and listen to your Self. When we are born, we do not know how to listen. It is an acquired skill. You first hear, and then you listen. When you listen, you feel the sound of your thoughts. If you want to think about what you read, you have to listen to what you read.
To hear is not to listen. It is not the same. It takes no effort to hear. This is if you want to or not. To hear is one of the senses. It is there by nature and has no on and off switch. The senses let us live and are the means to be in touch with our world. They make life worth living. They are tools of nature. To listen is not a sense it is a skill. If you want to listen, it must be what you want to do.
You must have a deep sense of purpose and a strong drive to learn. Not just, hear what is said or what you read. When you listen, what you hear or read has your attention. Your mind is closed but to this. When you focus on what you hear to where your mind takes over, you are listening. In so many ways, it is much like meditation. What we listen to can be calming when we feel it. You have to want to learn to listen. Until you do, you will just hear.
Our lives are shaped by how well we know how to listen. Just because you can hear does not mean you are going to listen. We hear with our ears, but we listen with our mind. The words begin to sink in. It is then that you are focused. You are there. And will see what we really mean when we say the things that we do. You can look but not see and hear but not listen.
There is a time to listen. There is a time to think. There is a time to talk. Listen, think, and then talk, to know when it is your time is what determines the outcome. These are the things we must know for knowledge to flow. It is the way to have give and take. All will have a chance to express their thoughts. It works best when one talks and one listens. The key is to know when it is your turn. When you listen, you do that, not a thing more. We do this when our mind tells us to. This is how you think what is being said.
You cannot be sure of what you have heard if you have not listened. As a result, what you say may not be what you mean. You can talk and hear at the same time, but you will not be listening. If you try, it would be like trying to think two thoughts at the same time. Neither one can be done. Our mind moves to what we are thinking of. There is no dual track for how we think. And a thought will not divide. Just as you cannot say two words at the same time.
When we say what needs to be heard, someone will listen. You should not say a thing until you say it to yourself. No matter what you say, you should make sure to say what you know. There is a lesson in all the things we say and do.
Though our life is always on one track—it does not mean we have to have a one-track mind. The mind is meant to explore the possibilities, to wonder, to create, and to consider what is and what can be. There is no limit to where the mind will go, so there are times when we have to call it back.
label me not with your words
Do You Know Your Place
Label me not with your words. If not, how will I know who or what you are? You must know where you belong. If not, you are lost. There are things a society must have in place for us to thrive and grow. Life would not be the same without them. The means and use of its tools to function is one of them. One such tool for all groups is the use of symbols and labels. There must be labels that we know by shapes and words to make sense of our world. We will not have a thought worthy of thinking about anything if it does not have a label. Without one, you would not know what it is. Nor will we know its purpose.
We use labels to know what we are doing. It all began with life and the world, as we know it. We were born with instinct so that we could survive in this new world. Some say that they do not have a place. And they refuse to be labeled or “put in their place,” which is a wrong way to think. If you do not have a place, you do not have a place to be. Of course, we are all in and at a place. Although, it may not be the place we want to be. We were born to belong, to fit in, not to be alone. We all have a place of our own that we only have to find. You will know that you are there—where you belong—when you find it because you will feel it.
LABEL THESE
If someone tells you or it is merely inferred that you should stay in your place, do not be offended, for you will be where you are until you are not. Now, if you say to yourself that you have no place, that it is somehow an insult to be told to stay there, and of course, it is “stay” that is most objectionable, it will only cause you harm. Just take a moment to think about what you are saying when you say this. We all have a place starting in our mother’s womb. It comes with a label that tells who we are. It will tell where our place is in the order of our birth, as well, and this does not change.
We have labels that will change as we change over time as our roles in life change. When we feel that we do not have a place, we will get less from the place we are in now. And when we move on, we take less with us and have less to work with where we are going.
When you are not content with your place, change your place, and your label will change: You do this by changing the way you think. Some go back to school. Others make sure to fill out the space they are in now—getting the most from what they have. You change the way you think by being aware of how you think. Everyone has a place, and that place is where you want to be. No one can misplace you but you. Each of us defines who we are. The future is in our hands. Even with its ebb and flow of life. Know what it is you see when you look. I am who I have been looking for—who are you?
mission possible with you and your mind
WE THINK TO LIVE AND LIVE TO THINK
“To tell a person what to think will not teach them how to think.’ We are how we think.”
The “mission” has been accepted: Here is where you should be if you are someone you know has ever lived with the hurt and pain that only a dysfunctional childhood or emotional trauma can breed. The seed is planted and grows from a family life— no matter its makeup—that does not provide the nurturing, caring, and protection to produce a healthy mind.
Childhood must be a safe and loving place for a child to grow strong of mind and character. But, unfortunately, the world’s troubles—as we see and even experience them—seeds are firmly planted and fostered in the minds of children who are now adults. And from those seeds, a way of thinking grew that is destructive to each of us and the environment.
What is allowed is done
- Racism
- Sexism
- Ageism
- Hate
- Wars
- Environmental Destruction
- Fear Mongering
- You Name It
GIVE IT A CHANCE
Why Do I Feel The Way That I Do
You may ask, and you would not be alone in doing so, “why do I feel the way that I do.” When not all is right, and you think it should be, and you see no reason it should not, disordered thinking is the cause of your anguish. When how you think is disordered, it takes you further away from your true Self. The mind now has a mind of its own. It is making decisions without you. There is no time or place that this should be. You are the master of your mind and must always be in charge of you.
There is but one stage of your life where your mind will take leave of you. It all stems from early childhood trauma and a dysfunctional family life, which allows you few good thoughts to think. And how you think today has its roots in what happened to you “yesterday.” My mission is to show you why and how this might happen. And there will be times when I will do this in a not-so-conventional way. It does not mean that I have strayed; it merely says that the road back to Self will at times be without a marker. You must have faith.
Using current events, I will show how the actions and behaviors of “news-makers,” both public and private, that result in adverse outcomes originate and have their roots in early childhood. You do not make decisions that will cause harm to others and the very source of our existence, if not for dysfunction in the family setting and possible mental defect passed from one generation to the next.
Some of what I say could cause you—when you first read it—to question how it applies to how you think. And my answer will be, all things you do require you to think. My words will challenge some of the things you have come to believe as certain truths. It will take you up, around, and back again, but the steps will lead back to you. Where the road leads, we will follow. You must know how you think to think better. You must always know what is on your mind. There is no wrong to be said here, for, after all, it will be how you think and feel about what you see. Who are you? Do you really know? Are you, you, or are you the product of someone else’s invention?
It Is How You Think
Through this blog, I will address many of the issues that revolve around why we all think the way we do. We will see how changing how you think will change how you feel and relate to the people, places, and things in your life. And you will come to see how becoming the true person you are meant to be will give you the vision to see what is, not what you may have thought it to be. You will come to a better understanding of your thoughts and your thinking process just as I have come to know the real me. I am talking about the person I was created to be. Because for sure, you have to be you, and I have to be me.
When you try to be someone you are not, you are no one until you find yourself again. Life is made better, or worse, by how we think. And to change HOW YOU THINK—if that is what you need to do—is a good mission to be on.
What we do here will not only better the lives of those who follow “It Is How You Think,” it will also touch those who are touched by those who do. My goal is to give you the tools to help you change how you think, therefore, how you feel and act. It is a new day and a new way. If you, a family member, or friend has been touched in any way by childhood trauma or otherwise mishandled by others in your life, this is the place to be.
Learn to Listen and Listen to Learn
What is here—if you listen—will take you where you did not know that you had ever been. It will help you see where you thought you were, is not where you were at all. It is about change: A change in how you think. There are no words here formed that will tell you what to think. Before help can help you, you must help your Self. There is no therapy, counseling, or medication that will be effective until you do. When I say you, I am talking about the Self, your Self, her Self, and him Self—all of the Selves who need to find their way back.
Push Back Against Your Resistance
The Self is your core; it is your soul—it is the essence of you. It is where you go to be your Self. A place you would never leave willingly. Our power and strength come from our Self. It is how we survive through the worst of times. If the ways of life have forced you away, it is your choice to go back. First, though, you must have the will to do so. It is not an easy thing to do until you know how. And nothing is hard to do. You just do not know how to do it yet. Now you will know.
Mission Enlightenment
From Self to Self is when you have achieved an enlightened way of thinking. It is not what is done to you. It is what you do for yourself that determines what your life will be. You must change your way of thinking to get back in touch with your Self. The best that you can ever be is to be you. You must always be true to Self. Never do a thing to take away from who you are.
What we do here will clear the clutter from your mind. It will guide you through what it takes to live a better life by examining and understanding your thoughts and how to think them. It will be made clear how disordered thinking is the root cause of negative feelings and behavior. You will see your Self as it is, not how you may have thought (been encouraged to believe) it to be. You will relate to and recognize a part of yourself that you have only known in passing.
What you will hear if you listen will open up a way of thinking that will allow you to become the person you were meant to be. The real you. Welcome home.
The body and the mind both have the ability to heal themselves, but the body puts up the least resistance.
HATE: the seed did grow in the heart of woman
In the Heart of Woman, the Seed Did Grow
Prologue:
HATE: Be warned that you read The Birth of Hate at the risk of having shifting emotions, rising passions, and unrestrained thoughts. It does not promote neither does it condemn an ideology, religion, or cultural belief. Instead, it is about what is, was, or could have been. You will love it, hate it, or not. What you will not do is feel nothing.
What is hate? Why do we do it, and when did it start. There are many answers to the question, with no one definition settled on by past and present-day thinkers. Though keep in mind that hate is brought on most often by the action of others. There is a cause, and it does bring about an effect. We are not born with hate in our hearts; it does come to life in our minds. It is an emotion that lives on as long as we are reminded that it is there: a flame once lit that is not easy to snuff out. And the source of our hate and resentment is what gives it strength. The strength to smolder long after the flame has died down. It is so strong it often clouds our judgment and causes us to think thoughts we rather not.
Here is what some of the great minds have to say about hate.
- Sigmund Freud defined hate as “an ego state that wishes to destroy the source of its unhappiness.”
- Based on writings by James W. Underhill, loving and hating invariably involve an object, or a person, and therefore, a relationship with something or someone.
- Penguin Dictionary of Psychology defines hate as a “deep, enduring, intense emotion expressing animosity, anger, and hostility towards a person, group, or object.”
- René Descartes viewed hate as “an awareness that something is bad combined with an urge to withdraw from it.”
There are many more who have their take on what it is when we hate. One thing is for sure, it is a strong feeling. For me, that has no redeeming value; though, some feel that it does. I believe what my life has told me, and so should you. But, if what we want is to understand what hate is, we must first know why we do it and when did we start. So, with that, why don’t we start at the beginning. What do you believe? Were we created, or did we evolve? Either way, there was a first of its kind for all there is.
Created by God or just evolved, Man by nature has the role to rule over the woman.
Did this statement cause your pulse to quicken and your heart to race? I ask you this because I think it may have. And if you are a woman, it is most likely so. It is no wonder, though, no matter our point of view or that of the bible, all do not share the pointed message that Man shall rule over Woman. On its face, the Book of Genesis reads in a way that could cause you to come away with the belief that God was the first to hate or to be hated. The thing is, it did come from somewhere. And just where is that place. An assortment of philosophers, pontificators, and other “deep-thinkers” have their theories and thoughts of what hate is. I will leave that to them.
What is more important to me is how is it that hate came to be at all. How and why it started. Follow along with me as I lay out my thoughts.
In The Beginning
Genesis is the book of the beginning, of the creation of life and all that is. The bible tells us this. Two verses certainly could be the seeds of hate. First, Adam and Eve ate from the tree of knowledge of which God had warned them not to do. For this transgression, he placed on them, for lack of a better word, a curse. God’s curse on “our first humans” could be construed as the first instance of hate. And the curse that he placed on Eve is exceptionally harsh: and “Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow, thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.”
Not only has the wrath come down on Man and Woman, but the woman shall also have the added burden of Man ruling over her. The curse on Eve appears to be laced with a bit of venom. That is at the core, to this day, of the man/woman relationship. In the real world, God’s design (or the bible writers) for women plays a significant role in what we think of each other. And if we tell the truth, most of the time, what we think is not particularly good.
If you choose to take the bible as the word of God or not, there is no denying that the treatment of Man and woman is not equal. It is the way of life, of nature. And with no doubt is a cause of resentment and hate. No person with a sense of self wants anyone to rule over them. Any right-thinking person would see this curse or will of God, as many—both Man and woman— would with justification. Not a humane thing to do. And it is hard to deny that it would not be easy to live with or be reminded of through life’s journey. And it is not a stretch to think that Eve would have hate in her heart for not only Man but also God for bringing on her such a horrible fate.
To have Adam as her master, the only Man there is, could not have been an easy thought to think. Adam not just being her master but a weak one at that. We cannot forget what happened in the garden. Was it the apple or was it the woman? Or perhaps the snake. No, it was as it is today:
TEMPTATION
It is not easy to dodge what is plain to see. Not just in eons past, but what we see today. Perhaps that is why there is such a high divorce rate and couples finding it hard to stay together. You read and hear it all the time that a marriage takes work. I say work is what we do to get what we want and need; we should not have to work hard to keep it. So how would you, with all of this work, find time and space to appreciate the life that you have? It is undoubtedly one of those things that should cause you to think. But if this is true—as it appears that it is— the hate we see today is firmly rooted in the past.
There has been fertile ground from the beginning for hate to sink its roots. God’s words would be reason enough for Eve to be the birth mother of hate and female resentment. We see it all around us. It festers and comes to a head much too often. It is The Battle of The Sexes. Let the jostling begin.
Let us call it for what it is; both Adam and Eve were set up to fail. And fail they did. You want proof.
Just one killing of another person is enough. Not to say that Adam or Eve ever took a life—the bible does not say they did. But their progeny did, and we have killed since forth. We do it as a way to get what we want or destroy what we do not. It is where some go first to settle a dispute. The bible is replete with wars and conflicts that almost always end in death. Nations were and are to this day exhorted to fight each other. These atrocities are not the fault of the woman. It came after her, not because of her. Though, the seed of hate was planted in Eve by life itself.
Of course, I say what I do only if the bible’s story is true. True or not, nature is. And if we looked at it from that point of view, what constitutes Man and woman would not change. The way that we live our lives would be the same.
It goes deep whether it comes from the “theory” of evolution or by the will of God. Now, let us look further.
No matter if you subscribe to evolution as the beginning of life or creation, one thing we know for sure, hate grew with us. And another thing we know is that a woman can hate men even though she loves her “own Man.” And a man has his way of thinking as well. Many do believe, and they believe strongly that the word (WORD OF THE BIBLE) is the power. Man’s power over the woman is at the root of human relationships and all that grows from it. It has been this way as far back as our minds can take us. But is this the way it has to be? What is done will not be changed. What can be done now can be that change. What is next will follow.
Hate—Who Was First
God commanded that Man would “rule over woman.” It is taught by religious doctrine, words of the bible, and other sacred books. Those words pack a great deal of power in thought and deed. It is there where we should first look to understand the human condition. We can deny it, pretend it is not there, and hope it will go away. But these three words—rule over the woman—are the foundation of how much of life is lived today. For those who believe in creation, these words are inherently true. Even when viewed through the lens of science, the relationship does not change much, if at all. By nature, it is still at the core and is the basis of the survival of the species.
Both Man and woman must agree, or one will dominate. The dominant one would have been the Man, for the woman could refuse to mate, at which time reproduction would cease.
Creation or evolution, either way, no matter your view, is not hard to understand why the woman would be the first to show signs of hate. How could she not when God is sounding increasingly like a man and is promising her pain. And Man is giving it to her. No matter how it may have been, Man and Woman had to come together for the good of the whole. It could be no us without them. The human race could not survive without it. When it is all said and done, we look at what the male and female mean for life. I do not think that hate was intended: not by us. It is just a feeling brought on by a thought and the actions of others. However, it does go deep and is hard to suppress. For a good reason, we now know.
There was a time in our history when consent had no standing, and the Man used force when all else failed. There were no laws to protect the life and liberty of the woman. The Man did with her as he pleased. The only rights the woman had was the one to do as she was told. And if she refused, there would be a price to pay. The Man would withhold everything the woman would need for survival until she gave in. If not, he would beat her into submission or worse. Depictions of how the Man/Woman relationship may have been in prehistoric times show that brute force was the first choice to gain compliance rather than the last.
The male would just take what he wanted. To this day, it still exists in some measure in most societies of the world; though, we are not quick to own up to it.
Here is another thing that we will not admit. You or I, male or female, will have the controlling power in our relationship. One of us will have the last word. Someone has to be the one. When more than one thing is set in motion, either at the same or different times, hardly if ever will they stop at the same time. But, of course, it would be hard for two people to measure unless one knew that they should not be the one to have the last say. Now, this would have been the woman for sure. And let us be honest here, it is much that way today when one listens while the other talks. It is a conversation.
If it is all listening and no chance to talk, you are engaging with a dictator. The one who is doing all of the talking, the dictator, would more or less be telling you what to think or not.
Love and Hate What Is There To Know
Love and hate, far apart yet so close. At first, there may or may not have been love, but for sure, there were those times, and there were many, when Man and woman were close, if just in the physical sense.
I don’t know about the warm and fuzzy feelings. But indeed, they did, mate. We are proof of that. And it would be reasonable to believe the signs of love were there early on. But being forced to mate against your will even once could turn any good feelings into hate. To feel you have no power to resist can cause resentment and the seeds of hatred to grow. Love is a gift—hate is pain. One you give and accept freely, the other you handle as best you can. It does not matter if you are on the giving or receiving end of things. Love and hate were born in the heart and mind of the woman. And there is just a thin line between the two.
Love or hate, created, or evolved, we likely would not be here today if the woman had an intense hatred for Man. That is unless there was a need only the Man could provide, and there was. Protection and food were what the Man had in his favor. It is not likely that his sexual prowess or charming ways won over the woman. However, it all came about, and we know it did. There were a Man and woman of some kind to birth and bring forth the human race and male and female for most other forms of life. It would not have been easy for them to mate or her to conceive if the woman did not want the Man near her. It is clear, though, that he protected her and made sure that her basic needs were met.
Now, this could have been just for obvious reasons. That is, for her to be healthy and strong enough to bear children. But, of course, it is possible, and some would say likely, that sex alone was a good enough reason. You would not have to be a deep thinker to conclude that It was certainly made to feel good and pleasurable for a purpose. As we know not all things are so. As there are things that we do that feel bad, that is for a purpose as well.
Let Us Do It Again
There was not as much to be concerned about other than survival during the early days. Politics and the agendas we see today were not even a thought back then. In the beginning, sex, more likely than not, was the sole reason for wanting to mate. But if the woman did not want the Man, a man, any man near her, I could see this as the harbinger of force to copulate. It would be reasonable to think that it was not this way at first. Having sex, by nature, is meant to give pleasure to assure that the Man and woman would have the desire to do it again. It is the timing of the act that would have/could have been an issue. Much as it is to this day. No matter how we came to be, the drive of the Man and woman was not meant to be the same, for a reason. Just a bit of tinkering with your thoughts will tell you why. Though, it is asserted today that women and girls are just as eager for sex as men and boys are. I tend to agree.
Another thing that could have caused the woman to hate is taking on more than one mate by Man; though, it would not be a stretch to say that the woman would do the same in Man’s absence. Here is where nature, God, as I believe, or however we came to be, comes into play again. The act of conception is much shorter than pregnancy, so the Man would impregnate more than one woman at a time by nature. But, again, it was a matter of survival. Needs must be met to grow and prosper, and the offspring carried forth the seeds of life. Man and woman mating is how we do it and how they did it.
Conception
No matter how it all came about or whatever the scenario, we still cannot get away from the fact that it takes a male and a female to produce offspring. Though, the burden is on the woman. Her body has to prepare itself each month for conception. Then she must carry the baby for nine months. A mother’s instinct overpowered by a wish to survive could have caused her to think it was a thing she would rather do without, for it is reasonable to postulate that pregnancies came in succession, for there was no modern-day birth control. So, the woman’s options were few. The maternal death rate must have been high. Most certainly could have added to the hate that the woman had for Man with all of the pain that ensues.
We know that many mothers do not survive the nine months of pregnancy. And it would be reasonable to conclude that just as many died during childbirth. It would not have taken long for the woman to make the connection between the Man chasing her down, mating, and death. You do not have to be a deep thinker to know that this would add to the mothers’ consternation. I am all but sure, their detestation for the one who put them there would be on “steroids.” No doubt—though—all of these feelings were overruled by the motherly instinct for here we are.
Mating, carrying of the baby, and childbirth bring us to life. Whether by God or evolution, this is the process by which we become breathing and thinking human beings.
Nature was “designed” in a way to further the growth and development of the species. There had to be a relationship between the Man and woman that would allow this to happen. Even if there was some force or coercion, which, of course, the Man would be the one to do this, he had the greater strength. He was born with it. God gave it to him to protect against the threat to life, which means all dangers, including the creation and nurturing of life by Man and woman. We do not know how it came first, but it was now on them to mate and nurture the offspring. The proliferation of the species is by design and was necessary for the birth and evolution of human life. The Man had the power. So, force was used when force was required. Not that it was or is the right thing to do. We must continue to remind ourselves, that it was in the beginning.
There were no laws for Man; nature ruled. Hate either started here at the very beginning or a little further down the line. It would seem that it was inevitable. It was built in, or mistakes were made.
The Man had to be ready and wanting to copulate; therefore, he could do so only when aroused—have an erection. So it would be at any time or place. The woman, on the other hand, may or may not have been receptive to the act. It is not hard to imagine that this could cause some bitter feelings. And when taken with all else could have given the woman a reason to hate. I am not so sure. What I do know is that it takes a man and a woman to create another human. Created or evolved, what we believe will not change a thing. It will all remain the same. The man and woman sex organs (genitals) were designed for coupling to allow for giving and receiving.
The penis and vagina were not an afterthought and not by chance. It is how it was and, for now, how it is. Even so, hate does not stop where it began. It spreads like a virus or a deadly disease.
A passage from the Book of Genesis reads, “And Adam knew Eve his wife; and she conceived, and bare Cain, and said, I have gotten a man from the LORD. And she again bare his brother Abel. And Abel was a keeper of sheep, but Cain was a tiller of the ground.” Now I am thinking that both Cain and Abel’s jobs were the kind of occupations that would be looked upon as a good thing contributing to others’ health and well-being. Now in the next reading, we will see that is not so for poor Cain, “but unto Cain and to his offering he had not respect. And Cain was very wroth, and his countenance fell.”
Now that he is angered and full of hate, Cain kills his brother Able. He has learned hate. Or did he feel it? From here, the bible is replete with wars, killings, and rapes. This story is from the bible, so either you believe it, or you do not. For sure, hate was born from us, and all of these things have come to pass. Now let us look at it from an evolution point of view.
Biological Process of Evolution
The biological process of evolution and the beginning of life on earth, for many, is no more or less believable than the Book of Genesis. Even the most noted scientist would find it complicated to understand. A line has been drawn, and sides have been taken. It is the main event of all things that we challenge. Were we created, or did we evolve? The beliefs are just as strong for both sides. Each is steadfast in their views. Well, why not both. I call it Creavolution. Creation because at some point we did not exist, it is how we came to be. It matters not if you believe in God or religion. It is so.
Evolution gives shape to our lives, and it is how we grow. These two are the forces that are one with all life all the time. It is the new, which the Creator created, and all things that evolved from it. Look at it this way; we have to use what we know to understand what we do not. At one time, you and I were not here. Now we are. The sperm and egg of our parents created us.
We were created to evolve to create, and we evolve when our needs are met. All that we need was here before us. But someone does have to teach us how to live. Where there is a need, there is a way. If there is no way, there is no need. It is nature. It is life. For life to exist, there must be the means for survival if we are to survive. Live is what whoever or whatever created the first of us wanted us to do. That is why hate was not strong enough to destroy life, though, many lives have been destroyed.
Life, as we understand it, is to create more life. That is to be fruitful and multiply. It is what keeps all living things alive. What else we do is up to us and is just a by-product, not the main event. All life must first be to grow and become. Growth starts when life begins. And when life began, soon after came hate. The seeds were planted in fertile soil by those who came before us. And the harvest thereof we will reap. The symptoms remain the same when the cause does not change. Hate will be with us as long as we are reminded of its presence. It is by us that it survives.
Man or Woman
In the beginning, Man had no reason to hate. He was in charge. He had it going on. The woman had the burden of hate placed on her, for she received just what Man would offer. If we changed the names, it would still be the same. We are now known as Man and woman. We have a name, which is our label. We must use the labels that we know by shapes and words to make sense of our world. As we grow and change, our labels will change. We will not have a thought of what a thing is if it does not have a label. Nor will we know its purpose. No one would know who we are, and we would not know them. You and I would not even know who or what we are.
There are things a society must have in place for us to thrive and grow. Labels are one of these things. Life would not be the same without them. In fact, before long, there would be no life. There first would be disorganization and, ultimately, chaos and death.
Womayn
Definition: Woman without the man.
There are groups, some well-known, and others not so much, that represent the interest of women. It is a good thing, but some of the things they say cause me to pause and think, what does it all mean. One aspect goes to the heart of our existence. They say they are not a part of Man when—of course—we are a part of each other. They refuse to carry the woman label and say that they will not stay in “their place.” Instead, they refer to themselves as “womayn.” They do not want to be part of Man, and their thinking is somewhat understandable. Yet we must be able to live together to survive. We are from the same beginning and alike in so many ways. And the difference does not amount to much.
If you take away our reproductive organs and make further adjustments to our anatomy, you will not have males or females. You will have a person. But that is not the way it is, nor was it to be. Still, we have some who say they have no place and do not put a label on them. We are here. Thus, we do have a place and a label. Yes, if we accept it or not, it is so. In many ways, just being a person with a name, which is a label, tells who we are and where we stand. Some things we can change, others—of course—we cannot. We have to change how we think about them.
Why do we make it so hard to live when living is what we should want to do.
We all have a place starting in our mother’s womb. It comes with a label that tells who we are. And our place is in the order of our birth, as well. That order does not change. There are labels that we have that will change as our roles in life change. When we feel that we do not have a place, we will get less from the place we are in now. What we do know is that Man was gifted, or damned— depends on your perspective— with the physical power to rule. To change the label from woman to womayn now will not change what is; the label cannot come before what is to be labeled. In other words, it must first be before it is. And the woman is as is the Man. What can change is the woman’s place, for we all have a place to belong.
If I am Man and you hate me, I should not have to wonder why. It is in the details of our existence. Though there is one thing that is not in doubt, we need each other.
Do You Know Your Place
We were born to belong, not to be alone. To do so, we have to fit in someplace. We must stand up before we can stand out. We do this with the help of those who support who we are and what we do in a place where you can be your own person—the authentic you. Being likewise can be in doubt if you are a woman. When restrained by nature’s rules and Man’s dictates, the mind can traverse that thin line between love and hate. She, the woman, may have felt put upon by the cruel hand of fate. That creavolution—how I believe we came about—dealt her a card less than she needed to play. You could wonder why, but there is no need. In the beginning, life was basic.
The drive to reproduce was born in Man. It is the one thing that would assure the survival of the species. We came into existence with no room for error. It is more than doubtful that equality of the sexes was on the mind of Man or woman. Life would not allow for it at that time. The mind could not go there, for there was no basis in the present reality. So, this is one time in our history when we, both Man and woman, did have to stay in our place. To know when is to know how.
Instinct and the sense of smell were essential for mating. Man and woman likely did not look that different from each other, so it would not have been good looks. And unlike today, sexual intercourse was not face-to-face. It is likely little if any show of affection took place. Romance probably came in second, or at least down the line a bit. It would be interesting to know just why humans thought romance would be a way to go. Just maybe it was a type of ownership expressed in a more sophisticated manner. When I first penned these words, I wrote, “there is no other animal that does this.” I was wrong because later on, I witnessed it myself, first hand. Is there anything to take from this?
Preface: (prehistoric caveman account) Hair mostly covered the entire body of both Man and woman—for a good reason—with just four things of note setting them apart. Those things that made the difference, of course, were the sex organs and the female breast. It had to be this way for survival and feeding the young.
Whether we believe we were created or we evolved, we could not be the same. We had to be different to be at all. Man and woman were built (designed) to accommodate each other for mating, if not a thing else. And Man was given a choice by way of strength to choose. It would not be a stretch to think that the woman would not be eager to accept this type of arrangement. For better or worse, some would say not much has changed. That may be, but survival is our most vital drive, and sex is how we do it.
“And Cain went out from the presence of the LORD, and dwelt in the land of Nod, on the east of Eden. And Cain knew his wife; and she conceived, and bare Enoch: and he builded a city, and called the name of the city, after the name of his son, Enoch. And unto Enoch was born Irad: and Irad begat Mehu’ja-el: and Mehu’ja-el begat Methu’sa-el: and Methu’sa-el begat Lamech. Lamech took unto him two wives: the name of the one was Adah, and the name of the other Zillah.”
“And Lamech took unto him, two wives.” Now, this was just another reason for the woman to hate.
Love or hate, the Man and woman have a bond. We are the only one of our kind. There can be no one without the two. Did you notice that Man was written with a capital M when there was no need to do so? It may seem—to some—that male chauvinism was at work. But, no, I did it on purpose and for a reason. What were your emotions? Did you feel hate or anger and want to strike back. If so, you are likely a Woman. And for Man, you should not have to wonder why.
Epilogue:
What do you think? Take a moment to gather your thoughts. You just witnessed The Birth of Hate. You can say with assurance that you are among the first to do so. You have seen what no one has had the privilege to see. No one has composed words or constructed sentences and paragraphs before to say what they have said here. In the most fundamental sense, hate is not newborn. How I see its birth is. There was no attempt to be an indictment, and it is not. It was just a walk back in time—an extrapolation of a given using logic as a guide. It is so, no matter your present-day beliefs.
Woman’s burden Because of Man
The Woman and Girl Do This Because Of Man
A Heavy Load To Carry
From the time they rise in the morning to when they lie down for the night, a female (woman/girl) has to check and recheck that nothing is showing, smelling, or telling. It is hard out here for the female gender. And to add to this, she has to always be alert to the males’ presence and intentions. So why don’t I just run down the list to highlight just how tough it is.
- When wearing a dress or skirt, must sit a certain way where men and boys are present
- When wearing pants, must make sure they are not too form fitting in the genital area
- She will usually wear black to avoid the above
- Must do the “sniff test” before leaving home
- No spitting blowing of the nose or other natural body functions in the presence of her boyfriend
- To add to the item just above, absolutely no expelling of “wind” from the lower orifice
- Must not admit to having no more than one or two past lovers—if that
- Add to the above; a virgin is expected even at the age of fifty: slight exaggeration
- Must pretend not to be too sexually experienced while at the same time acting as if she is
- And last, but certainly not the least, must grin and bear it
I am a man and what I have said comes from observation. And I will admit that what I think I see may not be that way at all. So if I a wrong and the burden for women and girls is not what I have described, please correct me—where I am wrong— and feel free to add to the list. There has to be more. Your contribution will become part of the conversation. So let your voice be heard.
And how you think is how you will feel and how you feel is how you will act.
THE MESSENGER
James R. Yarbrough
Thought
What Do They Say To You
Snapshot In Time
I SEE YOU
Community
THE BEAT GOES ON
BLACK MAGIC WOMAN
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