Self Awareness Not Self Control


“To tell a person what to think will not teach them how to think. We are how we think.”


Here is where you should be if you or you know someone who has ever lived with the hurt and pain that only a dysfunctional childhood and emotional trauma can breed. The seed is planted and grows from family life— no matter its makeup—that does not provide the nurturing, caring, and protection to produce a healthy mind. Childhood must be a safe and loving place to grow strong of mind and character.

You may ask, as many do, why you feel the way you do. When not all is right, and you think it should be, and you see no reason it should not, disordered thinking is the cause of your anguish. When how you think is disordered, it will take you further away from your true Self. The mind now has a mind of its own. It is making decisions without you. There is no time or place that this should be. You are the master of your mind and must always be in charge of you. Being in charge of yourself is not to be confused with self-control. Self-control is not a goal to strive for; the Self should never be out of control. Self-awareness will win the day if all is well with your thinking parts.


There is but one stage of your life where your mind will take leave of you. It stems from early childhood trauma and a dysfunctional family life, which allows you few good thoughts to think. And how you think today has its roots in what happened to you “yesterday.” I will show you why and how this might happen. And there will be times when I will do this in a not-so-conventional way. It does not mean that I have strayed; it merely says that the road back to Self will, at times, be without a marker.


You will not hide your true feelings for long. Some try to do so by self-control. This is not the answer. It takes an effort that pits your mind against your own Self to do so. Life is all about being who you are, the real you. You can only control your Self for a short time. Any effort to do more will produce no better results. At this point, your control will lose its grip, and your hold will give way. That is when you will act the way you really feel. This is what you are trying to hide when you use self-control. It happens when a thing you have worked for is at stake, and it is close at hand. If it does or not, what is for sure, you will lose self-control at some time or place.

You must strive to be self-aware. You will not lose it once you have it. To be self-aware is to know who you are. It is your core. It is the Self.

Some of what I say could cause you—when you first read it—to question how it applies to how you think. And my answer will be that everything you do requires you to think. My words will challenge some of the things you have come to believe as certain truths. It will take you up, around, and back, but the steps will lead back to you. Where the road leads, we will follow. You must know how you think to think better. You must always know what is on your mind. There is no wrong to be said here; it will be how you think and feel about what you see. Who are you? Do you really know? Are you, you, or are you the product of someone else’s invention?

It Is How You Think

Through this blog, I will address many issues around why we all think the way we do. We will see how changing how you think will change how you feel and relate to the people, places, and things in your life. And you will see how becoming the “true” person you are meant to be will give you the vision to see what is, not what you may have thought it to be. You will better understand your thoughts and thinking process just as I have come to know the real me. I am talking about the person I was created to be. Because, for sure, you have to be you, and I have to be me. When you try to be someone you are not, you are no one until you find yourself again. How we think is what makes life better or worse.

What is done here will not only better the lives of those who follow “It Is How You Think,” but it will also touch those who are touched by those who do. My goal is to give you the tools to help you change how you think, therefore, how you feel and act. It is a new day and a new way. If you, a family member, or a friend has been touched in any way by childhood trauma or otherwise mishandled by others, this is the place to be.

Change Your Mind

What is here—if you listen—will take you where you did not know that you had ever been. It will help you see where you thought you were, is not where you were at all. It is about change: a change in how you think. You will find no words here formed that will tell you what to think. Before help can help you, you must help your Self. No therapy, counseling, or medication will be effective until you do. When I say you, I am talking about the Self, your Self, her Self, and him Self. All of the “Selves who need to find their way back.”

Welcome Home

The Self is your core; it is your soul—it is the essence of you. It is where you go to be your Self. A place you would never leave willingly. Our power and strength come from our Self. It is how we survive through the worst of times. If the ways of life have forced you away, it is your choice to go back. First, though, you must have the will to do so. It is not an easy thing to do until you know how. And nothing is hard to do. You just do not know how to do it yet. Now you will know.


From Self to Self is when you have achieved an enlightened way of thinking, if that is your destiny. It is not so much what is done to you as it is what you do for yourself that determines what your life will be. You have to change your way of thinking to get in touch with you. The best that you can ever be is to be you. You must always be true to Self. Never do a thing to take away from who you are. But first, you must know.

Self Sufficient

What we do here will clear the clutter from your mind. It will guide you through what it takes to live a better life by examining and understanding your thoughts and how to think them. I will illustrate and make clear how disordered thinking is the root cause of negative feelings and behavior. You will see your Self as it is, not how you may have thought it to be. You will relate to and recognize a part of yourself that you have only known in passing.

If you listen, it will open up a way of thinking that will allow you to become the complete person you wish to be. The real you. Welcome home.

The body and the mind both have the ability to heal themselves, but the body put up the least resistance.
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