What I have to say here may or may not be for you. The way to know for sure is to read it and understand it. It may not be relevant to you in a personal way and how you think and feel, but you may know someone, a friend, a relative, or perhaps a mate who comes to mind when you think about what you see when you see any one of them. So do not be quick to turn away. And no, you cannot feel another’s pain.
” Do not cover up your pain with your words and what you say and do. It will only cause you more pain. You do it to feel better, but you know it does not work—that is not for long. It is a fix, not the solution. The longer you go without resolving what brings on these feelings of despair, the more masking you will try to do. A cover-up of what bothers you returns as the “makeup” comes off. “
No matter how fast you run, you cannot run from the agonizing emotions you stir up all too often in a cauldron of hurt feelings and memories that never were. This brew is sure to bring on the pain. And to be strong and pretend it is not there will not make life easier. For you know, even if no one else does, the pain is still there; it has not gone away. You cannot drink the daily brew and expect to feel better. Emotional hurt and pain is a symptom that not all is well with how you think.
No new boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, or wife will change this. If you want to change how you feel, you must change how you think. You cannot live in the past, so why should you let the past live in you. It is pain that you feel. Do not let your pain be the reason why you act in ways that you rather not. What you do in life caused by your pain will never be the real you, the person you are meant to be. It is how you think.
Your husband or wife, or not having either, does not cause your pain. Neither your employer nor your friends are the cause of the pain that you feel. When all has been said, the pain that you feel is caused by not understanding your childhood and the aftermath that must be left where it belongs, in the past. It does not matter from where it came; you allow it to do what it does to your happiness and well-being. It is not the job, the neighbor, or anyone else or thing. The source of your pain is how you think. It is not you that they see when they look your way. You have hidden the real you under layers of hurt and pain.
You have struggled long to come out. No one knows the real you, for you have not shown your SELF to anyone. You have been afraid to look at you. When will you let the real you show up? There are times when no one is around that you just lose it. It hurt so bad not to be yourself. It aches in your heart. There are times when you need to feel that one person, just one, loves you for who you are. You have been wounded by your hurt. Remember this: I come before you, they, them, we, and us. When I do not come first, life will be disordered until I do.
If you have memories of hurt and pain from your past, it will change when you change how you think. You have to understand this for what it is—how it influences your thoughts. Emotional hurt and pain without a remedy can last a lifetime, but how you think about pain can and should change. If you cannot change what you have to think about, change how you think.
Memories of hurt and pain from the past will change when you change how you think. You have to understand this for what it is and how it influences your thoughts. It cannot be said enough. When how we think and act is the result of the pain we feel, we must trace our pain to where it leads. That would be our childhood: A foundation of family dysfunction and trauma. This kind of beginning guarantees a hard way to go and a struggle, if only in your mind.
”Your childhood is real, and its effect on you is real. You must look back one last time, painful yet necessary. First, you must stop your defensive behavior, which takes work and practice. It is no different, though, from other efforts that require repetition. You must drop your guard and peel back the façade while at the same time keeping your emotions under control. This kind of control is one of the few times self-control has a useful purpose. When your self-esteem and image of yourself are at the level they should be, there will be no need for self-control. You are then “YOU” and can now live your life purposefully.
I wish you peace and happiness, which you so deserve.