Memories of childhood. What do they say to you. To many, it is painful to recall. Even so, do not cover up your pain with the things that you say and do. It is what you do to try to feel better, but it does not work. It only widens the distance to where you want to be. In your attempt to protect your feelings, you hurt the feelings of others, and this is never good. But, of course, you know this for your life has told you so. No matter how fast you run, you cannot run from the memories that cause you so much pain and misery. And to pretend you do not think those thoughts will not make life easier, in fact, the cycle continues. By the minute, day, or month, you are up just to come back down to where you never left.
You know, even if no one else does, what bothers you the most about your childhood has not gone away. You cannot stave off those thoughts of days long past that hound you from far away. They may be in the distance, yet they feel so close to you today. Emotional hurt and pain is a symptom that not all is well with how you think. No new boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, or wife, or even children will change this. If you want to change how you feel, you must change how you think.
You cannot live in the past, so why should you let the past live in you. Let what you do speak for you, not what your world has done to you. To some degree, this has happened to most of us. It is how you think about your thoughts. And, of course, your thoughts are the things that you have to think.
Your husband or wife, or not having either, does not cause the pain. Neither your employer nor your friends are the cause of the pain that you feel. When we have said it all, the pain you feel is caused by no one other than you, for you have not done what you need to do to resolve the issues ever-present in your head. It does not matter the source, but the time and place was your dysfunctional childhood and family life. It could be from abuse, lack of nurturing and caring, neglect, bullying, or some other interference; this only you know. Whatever the cause, the effect on your growth and development was all the same. This kind of treatment breeds low self-esteem and insecurity that only you can allow continuing.
Remember, it is not the job, the neighbor, or anyone else or thing. The source of your pain is how you think. It is not the real you that they see when they look your way. You have hidden your Self under layers of hurt and pain.
You have struggled long to come out. No one knows the real you, for you have not shown your Self to them. You have been afraid to look at you. When will you let the real you show up? There are those times when you allow the hurt to pour out. Though No one can hear a word, for no one is there but you. It hurt so bad not to be yourself. It aches in your heart. There are other times when you need to feel that one person, just one, loves you for who you are. But how can they when all they know is what they see you do. Your hurt has wounded you. But remember this: “I” comes before you, they, them, we, and us. When “I” do not come first, life will be disordered until “I” do.
Childhood is where our personality and sensitivities form. What comes next is the product of our environment. Our thoughts originate by way of the senses in our mental and physical environment. Then, they are molded in the image of the messages we receive through awareness and perception.
Memories of hurt and pain from the past will change when you change how you think. You must understand this for what it is, how it influences your thoughts. I cannot say it enough. When how we think and act results from the pain we feel, we must trace our pain to where it leads. That would be our childhood.
“Defense Mechanisms are psychological strategies brought into play by various entities to cope with reality and maintain self-image. Healthy persons normally use different defenses throughout life. An ego defense mechanism becomes pathological only when its persistent use leads to maladaptive behavior such that one or both the physical and mental health of the individual is adversely affected.” They are helpful when they are needed, harmful when they are not.
Your childhood is real, and the effect that it has on you is real. You must look back one last time. First, though, you have to stop your defensive behavior, which takes work and practice. It is no different, though, from other efforts that require repetition. You have to drop your guard, remove the façade while at the same time keeping your emotions under control. There are only a few times when self-control has a valuable purpose, and this is one of them. When your self-esteem and image of yourself is at the level it should be, there is no need for self-control: It will let you down just when you have come to depend on it.
The Creator created you to be a complete person, and now you will be. That goes for all of us. It is a journey that begins with the first step, and the first step should always be taken in early childhood—though for far too many, there is no one, or not the right one, to train them.
If the trip back through the hurt and pain is too difficult to take, try being me, and I will be you. It will help you understand how the millions who suffer here and around the world may feel. How they act is a way to learn about you. You can do it when you change how you think. You are not alone. Yes, many of us were hurt. The pain has its roots in and grows from a life where others have interfered to keep you in turmoil and doubt. They added “clutter” to an already hurting mind. You have to go back to this point, as painful as it may be. It is there where your path to the right way of thinking begins.
There is no doubt some parts of your memories from childhood, and even beyond, are clouded by time, but it does not change a thing. You were a child in an adult world. It does not matter. It is the thoughts of your childhood that hurts. All that you read and listen to here is to help you understand why you think, feel, and act the way you do. You will have to wonder no more.
Is what you see when you look the way you remember it to be? Some things you can change; others you have to change how you think about them. You can never change the past; it has all been said and done. Memories of days since passed should not be your guide. It is for a good reason. What you can recall about the past can change. Then some of your memories of your past may not be as you thought.
You can go to the past in your mind when you want. Just remember to come back. There is no room there. The time is filled with life that has already been lived. And the past leaves no space for rearrangement of any of the pieces. A life lived has taken the space. It is not easy to move forward when you spend more time thinking about what was and what may be more than what is. As for the future, even when you imagine it, do it with a degree of restraint.
If you suffer, and there is not just one way, you do not know why for if you knew why you would not suffer. The why is, you tell yourself, at times, in ways you are not aware of, that you are not worthy. You think that you are not good enough. And you do not deserve to be yourself and be happy. Do not say that in any form. If you do, know that it is not valid. It is not true. The Self does not want to hear it. When you hurt yourself, there is a memory that has hurt you. When love is not there, the place where it should be will not be left empty. Hurt will fill its place.
The drive to survive is born with us. It is the first law of nature. Do no harm to what God has given us. If you do, it will cause you grief and will harm others in your life, as well. Most—if not all—of the problems in our lives today are caused by how we think today. Not what others think about us. We bring these problems on ourselves. Many times, it is when we think we know the thoughts of others as well as we know our own.
I hope that what I have said will have meaning to you and that it helps to heal your mind from the hurt and pain from a time long passed. Yes, it is your childhood, look back and move on. It will no longer have the same meaning. The heavy burden is there no more. Memories of childhood will be light as a feather blowing in the wind. For the first time, you are free.
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