To be self-aware is to know who you are. The Self is our core, the essence of you. It is where we go to be ourselves. A place we would never leave on our own. Our power and strength come from there. If your mind and the ways of life have kept you away, it is a choice to go back. It is not easy to do. That is unless it is what you want. And you have to want to above all else.
How we think, feel and act comes after we are born. It is not born with us. It is not the Self. These are things that make up our personality. It is the way we show the world who we think we are. In other words, what we think of ourselves. Though not always true. It is how we act and may change as we change the way that we think. The Self will not change. It is the you that was created for you. Your Self is your own, given to each one of us. None is the same. Life evolves, but the Self does not change, it does not shrink, it does not grow. It can be smothered. Then, of course, you will not be able to express yourself. The way we think is what smothers the Self. It will not let the real one surface. The self is there for all of us to be. It is not about how one behaves. That has more to do with our personality.
Personality, unlike the Self, is a group of character traits that help to define who we are. It is this grouping that is the most affected by the seeds of doubt. Doubt is the root cause of disordered thinking. Our thoughts, feelings and how we act change, but we do not. Of course, that is if there is no conflict, which would be with the Self. One of the ways that the things we believe in are shown is through our character. It is how we are viewed by others. As well, it is part of us that tells what we think about ourselves. It will vary at times. Though it will only be the real you when it matches your Self.
We are born with a map of who we are. It makes up the person that is you. The person we were meant to be. It is the core of the human being and does not change. As with all things, the physical side of us does change with time. Our genes, of course, decide how we will look. We have no say in this. It is part of our creation. We do have a say in the life we create. As does who we create our offspring with. And this would be the other parent, the co-creator of this new life.
There are some who will say that a person has changed, that they do not act the same. They may have changed how they act, though they are not different. Not a thing has changed about who they are. They are still who they have always been. What has changed is how the person thinks, feels and act. The core of their being, which is the soul, has not changed. You cannot sell it and you do not lose it. It is the real you. You cannot be who you are not and will tire out trying. Yet, there are many who do try. Your disordered thinking is what keeps you from being real. It keeps your Self from shining through. This creates an image that is not who you are. I am the one who I have been looking for. Not the one you know.
Pain Does Not Cause Pain How You Think and Act Does
Your husband or wife does not cause your pain. Neither your employer nor your friends are the cause of the pain that you feel. The pain that you feel is caused by no one other than you. It does not matter from where it came; you allow it to do what it does. It is not the job, the neighbor or anyone else or thing. The source of the pain is your thinking.
Stressful experiences in early childhood can have long-lasting impacts on kids’ health that persist well beyond the resolution of the situation. My entire childhood and much of my adult life, no matter the bright spots, was filled with pain. I could not be me for any length of time. My mind would not let me. What was wrong had to be made right and what was wrong was in me. I had known from when I was a small child—three or four, maybe—that my thoughts and how I would think them was adding to my pain. My heart would ache and my soul would scream, why me. These were times when little was known about why we do the things that we do. We now know more about emotional trauma and abuse in childhood and its effect on the mind, this is good.
What is not so good is that those who know do not know what they should. It seems that what no one wants to admit, and we (society) will not own up to, is what we are doing to us. I ask myself, what is the end game. Does anyone know? A childhood of pain and hurt can only lead to one thing, a life of the same. That is, if you do not listen to what you hear. And it is difficult to do that when you are still clinging on to debris from your childhood. A cluttered mind leaves no place for good things to go. You let pain you did not cause, cause you to suffer from pain you did cause. When how you think and act is the result of the pain you feel, you must trace your pain to where it leads. That would be your childhood.
Your childhood is real and the effect that it has on you—good or bad— is real, as well. You must look back one last time. First, though, you have to let down your defense, drop your guard, maybe, for the first time. If the trip is difficult to take, try being me and I will be you. To see life the way that I saw it—even though not through my eyes—will help you to understand how the millions who suffer here, and around the world may feel. How they act is a way to learn about you. When you change how you think, it can be done. Yes, many of us have been hurt. Your pain has its roots in and grows from a life being interfered with. You have to go back to this point. It is where your path to a right way of thinking begins.
It is the thoughts of your childhood that hurts. If it is not you who you see when you look, you are likely to recognize someone you know and possibly love. Or someone you just care about. Maybe it is someone you have empathy for, never knowing why they act the way they do. There is someone you know here—whether you knew it or not. Now you will know and have a better understanding of them and yourself. It is a matter of self-awareness, which simply means feeling good about yourself. Knowing who you are and being the real you; the person you were meant to be. That goes for all of us, you, them and me. It is a journey that begins with the first step, and the first step always begins in early childhood where the basis of your personality and sensitivities are formed. What comes next is the product of your environment. It is there in your mental and physical environment where your thoughts are formed by way of the senses and are molded in the image of the messages you receive through awareness and perception.
My self-esteem, which most of the time ran low, caused me not to do my best. It was not that I could not be my best. I just would not let myself do it. I was weak though I acted strong, and that is not pretty and fools no one. It is not likely that we can have a productive life without a heavy dose of self-esteem. We all need it. It is being Self-aware and it will not leave you, it is with you for life. It is how a child develops a healthy sense of self-worth; that I am “somebody.” This does not always happen when it should. What has the most negative impact on our lives is when it does not develop at all. You need it to live an emotionally mature life. It is not likely that you can have a productive life without a heavy dose of self-esteem. We all need it. If this does not happen in early childhood, it will cause you to think, feel and act in ways you would rather not. Life will be difficult, at best. It can take years, if ever, to gain what you never had, but always needed.
That your view may be clouded by time and the hurt that you felt does not change a thing. You were a child in an adult world. You must first be aware of something before you can have thoughts about it, and your thoughts are based on perception. Life is understood and lived through your senses, and for each sense that is lost, there is a reduction in the ability to perceive and interact with the world around you.
We allow ourselves to be reminded of things long past that serve no useful purpose in our life today. A memory from your childhood can be one of them. The best place for a child to grow up is a place that nurtures and cares. It is there where childhoods grow. As well as being nurtured, we are born to this world to nurture. We are born with an instinct to live. It is in our nature though it does not always show.
The American Academy of Pediatrics in a Healthy Children article defines self-esteem as “the way in which an individual perceives herself—in other words, her own thoughts and feelings about herself and her ability to achieve in ways that are important to her. This self-esteem is shaped by not only a child’s own perceptions and expectations, but also by the perceptions and expectations of significant people in her life—how she is thought of and treated by parents, teachers and friends. The closer her perceived self (how she sees herself) comes to her ideal self (how she would like to be) the higher her self-esteem.”
What I write is inspired by the Creator. It is a natural process, not forced or coerced. It is written as it flows into my mind, and my life experiences and observations of the wonders of nature are the foundation for my insight. I am on a mission to let how I think be a voice that has not been heard. What I write and say is what I believe.
My life has been a road well traveled. There have been freeways, side streets and dead ends. I have been cautioned, sped up and slowed down. I have changed lanes, merged with traffic and yielded to the right of way. I have been first at four way stops and the last to leave. I have driven through heavy rain, sunny days, and dark nights. It is after the darkest of them all, that I came to an intersection. I could pray on or move on. I now move with the traffic. I speed up when I can slow down when I should and pass when I must. Though, I am not in a hurry for life to me is not a race. We get to the end of the road soon enough. I made a decision to stay on the road of life. To take the off ramp is a thing I did not want to do.
I know there is more to say than what has been said. What I have to say is not academic; I simply look at life in a way you may never have. It is how I see the world.