memories of CHILDHOOD

 depressed-childChildhood Memories What Do They Mean To You

Blog Note 2-1-16

Memories of childhood. What do they say to you. To many, it is painful to recall. Even so, do not cover up your pain with the things that you say and do. It is what you do to try to feel better, but it does not work. It only widens the distance to where you want to be. In your attempt to protect your feelings, you hurt the feelings of others, and this is never good. But, of course, you know this for your life has told you so. No matter how fast you run, you cannot run from the memories that cause you so much pain and misery. And to pretend you do not think those thoughts will not make life easier, in fact, the cycle continues. By the minute, day, or month, you are up just to come back down to where you never left.

You know, even if no one else does, what bothers you the most about your childhood has not gone away. You cannot stave off those thoughts of days long past that hound you from far away. They may be in the distance, yet they feel so close to you today. Emotional hurt and pain is a symptom that not all is well with how you think. No new boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, or wife, or even children will change this. If you want to change how you feel, you must change how you think.

You cannot live in the past, so why should you let the past live in you. Let what you do speak for you, not what your world has done to you. To some degree, this has happened to most of us. It is how you think about your thoughts. And, of course, your thoughts are the things that you have to think.

to show unresolved anguish and pain from childhood trauma
MEMORIES THAT worry ARE NOT WORTH THINKING

Your husband or wife, or not having either, does not cause the pain. Neither your employer nor your friends are the cause of the pain that you feel. When we have said it all, the pain you feel is caused by no one other than you, for you have not done what you need to do to resolve the issues ever-present in your head. It does not matter the source, but the time and place was your dysfunctional childhood and family life. It could be from abuse, lack of nurturing and caring, neglect, bullying, or some other interference; this only you know. Whatever the cause, the effect on your growth and development was all the same. This kind of treatment breeds low self-esteem and insecurity that only you can allow continuing.

Remember, it is not the job, the neighbor, or anyone else or thing. The source of your pain is how you think. It is not the real you that they see when they look your way. You have hidden your Self under layers of hurt and pain.

The Struggle Is Real The Why Is Not

Remember This

You have struggled long to come out. No one knows the real you, for you have not shown your Self to them. You have been afraid to look at you. When will you let the real you show up? There are those times when you allow the hurt to pour out. Though No one can hear a word, for no one is there but you. It hurt so bad not to be yourself. It aches in your heart. There are other times when you need to feel that one person, just one, loves you for who you are. But how can they when all they know is what they see you do. Your hurt has wounded you. But remember this: “I” comes before you, they, them, we, and us. When “I” do not come first, life will be disordered until “I” do.

THE SENSES TALK TO THE BRAIN AND THE BRAIN TALKS BACK TO US

Childhood is where our personality and sensitivities form. What comes next is the product of our environment. Our thoughts originate by way of the senses in our mental and physical environment. Then, they are molded in the image of the messages we receive through awareness and perception.

Memories of hurt and pain from the past will change when you change how you think. You must understand this for what it is, how it influences your thoughts. I cannot say it enough. When how we think and act results from the pain we feel, we must trace our pain to where it leads. That would be our childhood.

Memories and Defense Mechanisms

Do You See You

“Defense Mechanisms are psychological strategies brought into play by various entities to cope with reality and maintain self-image. Healthy persons normally use different defenses throughout life. An ego defense mechanism becomes pathological only when its persistent use leads to maladaptive behavior such that one or both the physical and mental health of the individual is adversely affected.” They are helpful when they are needed, harmful when they are not.

Your childhood is real, and the effect that it has on you is real. You must look back one last time. First, though, you have to stop your defensive behavior, which takes work and practice. It is no different, though, from other efforts that require repetition. You have to drop your guard, remove the façade while at the same time keeping your emotions under control. There are only a few times when self-control has a valuable purpose, and this is one of them. When your self-esteem and image of yourself is at the level it should be, there is no need for self-control: It will let you down just when you have come to depend on it.

The Creator created you to be a complete person, and now you will be. That goes for all of us. It is a journey that begins with the first step, and the first step should always be taken in early childhood—though for far too many, there is no one, or not the right one, to train them.

If the trip back through the hurt and pain is too difficult to take, try being me, and I will be you. It will help you understand how the millions who suffer here and around the world may feel. How they act is a way to learn about you. You can do it when you change how you think. You are not alone. Yes, many of us were hurt. The pain has its roots in and grows from a life where others have interfered to keep you in turmoil and doubt. They added “clutter” to an already hurting mind. You have to go back to this point, as painful as it may be. It is there where your path to the right way of thinking begins.

Those Old Memories Keep Getting In The Way

There is no doubt some parts of your memories from childhood, and even beyond, are clouded by time, but it does not change a thing. You were a child in an adult world. It does not matter. It is the thoughts of your childhood that hurts. All that you read and listen to here is to help you understand why you think, feel, and act the way you do. You will have to wonder no more.

Is what you see when you look the way you remember it to be? Some things you can change; others you have to change how you think about them. You can never change the past; it has all been said and done. Memories of days since passed should not be your guide. It is for a good reason. What you can recall about the past can change. Then some of your memories of your past may not be as you thought.

You can go to the past in your mind when you want. Just remember to come back. There is no room there. The time is filled with life that has already been lived. And the past leaves no space for rearrangement of any of the pieces. A life lived has taken the space. It is not easy to move forward when you spend more time thinking about what was and what may be more than what is. As for the future, even when you imagine it, do it with a degree of restraint.

If you suffer, and there is not just one way, you do not know why for if you knew why you would not suffer. The why is, you tell yourself, at times, in ways you are not aware of, that you are not worthy. You think that you are not good enough. And you do not deserve to be yourself and be happy. Do not say that in any form. If you do, know that it is not valid. It is not true. The Self does not want to hear it. When you hurt yourself, there is a memory that has hurt you. When love is not there, the place where it should be will not be left empty. Hurt will fill its place.

The drive to survive is born with us. It is the first law of nature. Do no harm to what God has given us. If you do, it will cause you grief and will harm others in your life, as well. Most—if not all—of the problems in our lives today are caused by how we think today. Not what others think about us. We bring these problems on ourselves. Many times, it is when we think we know the thoughts of others as well as we know our own.

I hope that what I have said will have meaning to you and that it helps to heal your mind from the hurt and pain from a time long passed. Yes, it is your childhood, look back and move on. It will no longer have the same meaning. The heavy burden is there no more. Memories of childhood will be light as a feather blowing in the wind. For the first time, you are free.

It Is How You Think

Memories Are How You Think About Them

 

 

Remember the children When Your Mind is Hurting

Happy Children Will Give You Happy Adults

Childhood Where Life First Comes To Light

Childhood is when the newborn has moved from darkness into the light. This nine-month-old child will continue to absorb the world around it. It is for us to prepare this place where the child will grow to be a product of its environment and teachings. The children are us.

I hope that you will read this post and that it will be of comfort to you, your loved ones, or someone you may know. If you feel that this does not pertain to your experience, it may help you understand better someone you know.

Your husband or wife does not cause your pain. Neither your employer nor your friends are the cause of the pain that you feel. You are the cause of the pain you feel now. It does not matter the point of origin; you allow it to live on and do what it does. It is not the job, the neighbor, children, or anyone else or thing. The source of the pain is your thinking.

Unhappy Children Will Give You Unhappy Adults

Stressful experiences in early childhood can have long-lasting impacts on kids’ health that persist well beyond the resolution of the situation. We now know more about emotional trauma and abuse in childhood and its effect on the mind, which is good. What is not so good is that those who know do not know what they should. It seems that what no one wants to admit, and we (society) will not own up to, is what we are doing to us. So, I ask myself: what is the end game. Does anyone know? A childhood of pain and hurt can only lead to one thing, a life of the same. Children are more vulnerable today than ever before because many parents don’t allocate the time to parent, teachers are not the parents and the community is not a village.

The only hope is if we listen to what we hear. And it is difficult to do that when you are still clinging to debris from your childhood. But you do have to learn to listen and listen to learn. Are you listening now?

A cluttered mind leaves no place for good things to go. You let the pain caused by others be the reason why you suffer from the pain you did cause.  When how you think and act is the result of the pain you feel, you must trace your pain to where it leads. That would be back to your childhood.

Your childhood is real, and the effect that it has on you—good or bad— is real, as well. You must look back one last time. First, though, you have to let down your defense, drop your guard, maybe, for the first time. You can do it when you change how you think. Yes, many of us have been hurt. Our pain has its roots in and grows from a life being interfered with. You have to go back to this point. It is where your path to the right way of thinking begins.

Knowing who you are and being the real you is how you open the door to let your Self walk through. The Creator created you to be a complete person, and now you will be. That goes for all of us. It is a journey that begins with the first step, and the first step should always be taken in early childhood—though for far too many, it is not. Childhood is where our personality and sensitivities form. What comes next is the product of our environment. Our thoughts originate by way of the senses in our mental and physical environment. They are molded in the image of the messages we receive through awareness and perception.

When your self-esteem is low, you will not be the best that you can be. It is not that you cannot (we cannot) be your best. You just will not let yourself do it. You are weak though you act strong, and that is not pretty and fools no one. You have to be Self-aware. It will never leave you; it is with you for life. It is how a child develops a healthy sense of self-worth. It is when you can say I am “somebody” and mean it. And it does not always happen when it should. But there is no time limit, deadline, or expiration date.

What has the most negative impact on our lives is when our self-esteem does not develop at all or is hampered. You need it to live an emotionally mature life. It is not likely that you can have a productive life without a heavy dose of self-esteem. We all need it. If this does not happen in early childhood, it will cause you to think, feel and act how you would rather not. Life will be difficult, at best when we are adults and thinking and feeling like children. It can take years if ever, to gain what you never had but always needed: Self-esteem.

The American Academy of Pediatrics in a Healthy Children article defines self-esteem as “the way in which an individual perceives herself—in other words, her own thoughts and feelings about herself and her ability to achieve in ways that are important to her. This self-esteem is shaped by not only a child’s own perceptions and expectations, but also by the perceptions and expectations of significant people in her life—how she is thought of and treated by parents, teachers, and friends. The closer her perceived self (how she sees herself) comes to her ideal self (how she would like to be), the higher her self-esteem.”

Happy Families with Happy Children

My Childhood Let the sideshow begin

I-esteem—Me-esteem—Self-esteem

You cannot substitute the absence of love, for the source must be compatible with the need.

Childhood Take 1: Action

There is one question I always ask myself each time that I write or speak about the most crucial stage of our lives, childhood. Should I include what others have said? What about the many reports and statistics, should they be included. Each time my answer is no. I do not need it to say what it means to lose your childhood. I know so well how hurtful it can be.

There is no pain equal to the hurt you feel that you do not know how to stop. The more I would think about it, the heavier the load got. It was a load I had to carry alone. No one seemed to care. My low self-esteem and insecurity were always with me. The harder I tried, the harder it got. There were not many days, especially in a row, where I felt at ease. Now I have to tell it the way it was. Here though, just a glimpse into the saddest show in town—my childhood.

Childhoods
Can B
E Sad

Early on, when I was no more than 3 or 4, I realized that my situation did not reflect in any way the lives of the girls and boys and families where I now lived with my “new family.” Parts were missing. Things did not feel right, look right, and they were not right. My feelings were all over the place. It seemed as if they were up for grabs for whatever came my way. And much did.

Childhood: How sweet it is

I was apprehensive and full of dread one minute and trying to still my mind the next.  It did not take long for me to understand why. I had no “real” family. And it was not a nice feeling. It was painful. The other kids had a mom and a dad, and I did not. It was not that I did not have parents. I did. They were alive and well. I did not have parents who—in my mind—wanted me. I could find nothing to change that thought and the way I would think about it. What I felt, saw, and heard always confirmed for me what I knew, and it told me the truth. What I did not know was why.

Why Did My Childhood Have to Hurt

I do not know why I came up short, and I no longer feel a need to know. I will never know. Indeed, it has lost its relevance and importance, it no longer haunts me, and I am okay with that. However, I would like to think there was no other choice. For now, it would be my father’s sister and her husband who would be tasked with my care. They took good care of me, and the painful thought that the “they” may have only been he is now never far from my mind. Much too soon, my uncle would be out of my life. And judging from my aunt’s surrender to her new love, I would not have her support from now on either.

My uncle died in the midst of my pubescence after suffering many months from the ravaging effects of lung cancer. If he were awake, he would have a cigarette in his hand. He once told me that he started smoking when he was a mere 8-year-old boy. And he had just crossed the threshold of 52 when he died. He was much too young on both ends, and I was too young to be in the middle. But there I was, the person who wanted me most is gone. Even so, I could not have imagined how his passing would change my life. And it would not be for the better.

It seemed only a matter of mere days, though, for sure, it was a bit longer, had passed after my uncle’s death that my childhood would change forever. I had no way to know that one of the most trying times of my life was upon me. It would be a nightmare. What was will be no more. He seemed to have come from nowhere. A man who would become, in short order, my what? I did not know, and no one told me if he was an uncle by marriage, a stepfather by my aunt’s adoption of me, or plain old mister.

It did not matter one bit what I called him; his agenda would not change. So, I did not address him at all, nor did he ever call me by my name. Either way, it would be in name only. To add to my feelings of unease, the new “man of the house” will soon be on trial for the killing of another man—a boy he and his wife raised who would become his wife’s lover.

Now He Wants To Kill Me

CHILDHOOD

This killer had thrust himself onto the scene, at least it appeared that way to me, and he left no doubt about his intentions. He wanted and got control of all that my uncle had worked for and had loved, including his wife. He wanted it all, but he did not want me. So much so that he made a threat to my mother that he would do to me what he did to the boy he raised. I did not doubt that there were no lengths he would not go to carry out what seemed to me to be an obsession. That would be my departure: Dead or Alive.

Now, I am only 13 years old. My aunt said nothing as if she did not see what her eyes were showing her. She was in love. For the second time in my life, I felt abandoned. This time by the aunt, who was now my mother, for she had adopted me: This was after my uncle’s death. I had thought it was out of love, but now I am not so sure. It may have been more about survivor benefits.

 

What Difference Does It Make

 You can never win a race against your Self. You will always be the last one to the finish line.

I am terrified as this man’s large hands closed around my throat. I feel nerves where I never felt them before. My whole body is shaking in fear. I am in shock as my aunt’s soon-to-be new husband’s grasp tightens as if he is trying to squeeze the very life out of me. I feel his dislike for me ratchet up as he shouts out his angry words not even inches from the back of my ear.

Yes, it is as bad, even worse than it sounds: He “sucker-chocked” me from behind. Suddenly and just as violent his hands were wrapped around my neck and clinched. My feet were barely touching the floor. I have no way to know what else he has in mind. Is my next breath to be my last? My heart beats as if it is headed for the finish line. As though in a hurry to stop.

Just as unexpectedly as it started this man, stepped away and went back to my aunt’s side. Had he choked me just because my aunt had asked me to turn off the television, and I had not moved fast enough? No—it was a message from this man to me. I was in his way; he wanted me gone. I was terrified, thinking about what he might do next. 

Thinking about what he would do next took my mind and twisted it in knots. It was difficult for me to go about my day when my thoughts were about having to return home. What turn would my fate take tonight? Whenever I neared the door, I did so with dread. My aunt would utter not a word. It is not as if she did not know. She was a witness to much of his cruelty and said not a thing, not one word. Had she lost her voice?  Was it shock because he did these things or was I not worth the trouble. She did not speak, and I could not understand why, though words did not need to be said. Her silence spoke for her as if her eyes did not see what they saw—this is what hurt the most.

When I was around him, I could not help but think there is not much up there. He acted as if he knew so much, which only showed how little he knew. That he could not read or write did not help his case at all. Who is this man, really, and what does it mean to me. More so, what is his plan? He came to us. We did not go to him. Only he knows what he has in mind. He had already killed my childhood, and I fear that I am next.

(To Be Continued)

IT HAS BEEN A TRIP

CHILDHOOD HURT AND PAIN

 depressed-childChildhood Memories

Blog Note 2-1-16

Do not cover up your childhood pain with the things that you say and do. This is what you do to try to feel better, but it does not work, which I am sure there are daily reminders that this is so. Each passing day you stir the pot to conjure up these thoughts of days since passed.   It only widens the distance to where you want to be. In your attempt to protect your feelings, you hurt the feelings of others, and this is never good; of course, you know this for your life has told you so. No matter how fast you run, you cannot run from the memories that cause you so much pain and misery. And to pretend you do not think those thoughts will not make life easier. In fact, the cycle continues. By the minute, day, or month, you are up just to come back down to where you never left.

You know, even if no one else does, what bothers you the most about your childhood has not gone away. You cannot stave off those thoughts of days long past that hound you from far away. They may be in the distance, yet they feel so close to you today. Emotional hurt and pain is a symptom that not all is well with how you think. No new boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, or wife, or even children will provide much relief from your “painful thinking.” If you want to change how you feel, you must change how you think.

You cannot live in the past, so why should you let the past live in you. Let what you do speak for you, not what has been done to you. To some degree, this has happened to most of us. It is how you think about your thoughts. And, of course, your thoughts are the only things that you have to think about.

Black Female Worrying

Your husband or wife, or not having either, does not cause your pain. Neither your employer nor your friends are the cause of the pain that you feel. When all has been said, the pain you feel now is caused by no one other than you, for you have not done what you need to do to resolve the issues you will not let remain dormant in your memory. It does not matter the source, but the time and place was your dysfunctional childhood and family life. It could be from abuse, lack of nurturing and caring, neglect, bullying, or some other interference. Whatever the source, the effect on your growth and development was all the same. This kind of treatment breeds low self-esteem and insecurity that only you can allow continuing.

Remember, it is not the job, the neighbor, or anyone else or thing. The source of your pain is how you think. It is not the real you that they see when they look your way. You have hidden your Self under layers of hurt and pain.

Embodiment Of Perfection I Am Unique I Am Me

Remove the hurt and pain you can do perfect things.

IF NOT PERFECT, WHAT. ADULT SUCCESS PUTS CHILDHOOD PAIN AT REST.

I comes before you, they, them, we, and us. When I do not come first, life will be disordered until I do. You have struggled long to come out. No one knows the real you, for you have not shown your Self to them. You have been afraid to look at you. When will you let the real you show up? There are times when no one is around that you allow the hurt to pour out. No one is there to hear your cry but you, so no one but you will know. It hurt so bad not to be yourself. It aches in your heart. There are times when you need to feel that one person, just one, loves you for who you are. But how can they when all they know is what they see you do. Your hurt has wounded you.

Remember this: “I” comes before you, they, them, we, and us. When “I” do not come first, life will be disordered until “I” do.

Memories of hurt and pain from the past will change when you change how you think. You have to understand it for what it is and how it influences your thoughts. I cannot say this enough. When how we think and act is the result of the pain we feel, we must trace our pain to where it leads. That would be our childhood.

Your childhood is real, and the effect that it has on you is just as real. You must look back one last time. First, though, you have to stop your defensive behavior, which takes work and practice. It is no different, though, from other efforts that require repetition. You have to drop your guard, remove the façade while at the same time keeping your emotions under control. This is one of the few times self-control has a useful purpose. When your self-esteem and image of yourself is at the level it should be, there is no need for self-control. You are then the real you, the person you were meant to be all along.

Load Too Heavy to Bear

my childhood HURT AND PAIN

I am terrified as this man’s large hands closed around my throat. I feel nerves where I never felt them before. My whole body is shaking in fear. I am in shock as my aunt’s soon-to-be new husband’s grasp tightens as if he is trying to squeeze the very life out of me. I feel his dislike for me ratchet up as he shouts out his angry words not even inches from my ear. I have no way to know what else he has in mind. Is my next breath to be my last? My heart beats as if it is headed for the finish line. As though in a hurry to stop.

Just as unexpectedly as it started this man, stepped away and went back to my aunt’s side. Had he choked me just because my aunt had asked me to turn off the television, and I had not moved fast enough? No—it was a message from this man to me. I was in his way; he wanted me gone. I was terrified, thinking about what he might do next.  

Still, I question my aunt’s lack of judgment. George—was about to be on trial for murder. He had killed someone. This fact was not in dispute nor was there doubt. His first wife had an affair with someone that the two of them had raised as a son. Not that it matters, but it is not clear to me and what I do not understand is why George and his wife took the boy in when they already had children of their own. That would be a question worthy of an answer. His wife had always shown affection for this young man, I have heard. So this could be the seed of her desire. And over the years, it is clear her feelings grew to where she could not control what was growing inside her.

Who knows when the Wife’s lust and longing first took on life and began to flourish: A glimpse of this manchild’s naked body while acting surprised that he was there? Making sure he got “safely” to bed. Whatever way it happened, eventually, a long-term relationship developed. His wife became pregnant with this boy’s—who was now a  young man—child. George assumed the child was his. At first, George had no idea what was happening, didn’t have a clue (16 years or so passed) even when it was there in his own home looking very much like his father, in no way resembling George. And furthermore, George’s son-in-law (lover boy’s brother) is the baby boy’s Uncle.

He had raised his wife’s soon-to-be lover as if he was his own. But as this young man became a “full-grown” man, he and George’s wife brought out into the light what had only been partially hidden anyway. It would not be a stretch to say that the one who didn’t know was the one who acted as if he knew it all. George.

The newly formed couple left and began living together. That, however, was not good enough for the cheating pair: George’s wife and her lover boy. As anyone with a death wish tends to do, the lover boy put himself in a position for just that. He returned to take away some of George Hildreth’s property. And at that very moment, just as he was about to lean over to start the tractor is when George raised his twelve-gauge, pointed it with accuracy as sharp as his hatred for this man squeezed the trigger and with that shot killed him. This no doubt set of the chain of events that would later come to rest at my front door.

Could what had happened to George in his first marriage have influenced his feelings about me? Perhaps he was insecure. Looking back, I can almost sympathize with that. Almost. I was of a similar age to what the boy was when he had first started having sex with George’s wife. In retrospect, I wonder if this was the case. At the time, however, my only thoughts were about survival and my aunt’s betrayal. My aunt’s behavior confused me. Until she met this person, George, who to me was not much of a man, she had been an excellent mother to me.

You Must Go Back Just Once More

If the trip back through the hurt and pain is too difficult to take, try being me, and I will be you. It will help you understand how the millions who suffer here and around the world may feel. How they act is a way to learn about you. You can do it when you change how you think. You are not alone. Yes, many of us have been hurt. The pain has its roots in and grows from a life being interfered with. The interference is where others have added “clutter” to an already hurting mind. You have to go back to this point, as painful as it may be. It is there where your path to the right way of thinking begins. That your view may be clouded by time does not change a thing. You were a child in an adult world. It does not matter. It is the thoughts of your childhood that hurts. All that you read here—if you listen to what you read—is for you and is meant to help you understand why you think, feel, and act the way you do.

Is what you see when you look the way you remember it to be? Some things you can change; others you must change how you think about them. We will never change the past. Memories of days since passed should not be your guide. It is for a good reason. What you can recall about the past can change. What you remember is not always what you thought it to be, at least in part. Even the clearest memories only tell us what was, not what is or what is going to be.

You can go to the past in your mind when you want. Just remember to come back. There is no room there. The time is filled with life that has already been lived, and the past leaves no space for rearrangement of any of the pieces. All of the space has been taken. It is not meant for us to spend more time thinking about what was or what’s ahead or could be more than we do the present. So even when you imagine the future, do it with a degree of restraint.

If you suffer, and there is not just one way, you do not know why for if you knew why you would not suffer. The why is, you tell yourself, at times, in ways you are not aware of, that you are not worthy. You think you are not good enough; you do not deserve to be yourself and be happy. Do not say that in any form. If you do, know that it is not true. The Self does not want to hear it. When you hurt yourself, there is a memory that has hurt you. When love is not there, the place where it should be will not be left empty. Hurt will fill its place.

The drive to survive is born with us. It is the first law of nature. Do no harm to what has been given. If you do so, it will cause grief and will harm others in your life, as well. Most of the problems in our lives today are caused by how we think. Not what others think about us. We bring these problems on ourselves. Often, it is when we think we know the thoughts of others as well as we know our own.

I hope that what I have said will have meaning to you and that it helps to heal your mind from the hurt and pain from a time long passed. Yes, it is your childhood, look back and move on. If not you, whom?

DO NOT LET HURT AND PAIN OR ANYTHING GET IN YOUR WAY

 

When Your Mind is Hurting Let’s Talk Childhood

Hurt and Pain by Any Other Name

Nothing can be more important than understanding the role of childhood in our growth and development. I hope that you will read this post and that it will be of comfort to you, your loved ones, or someone you may know. If you feel that this does not pertain to your experience, it may help you understand someone you know better.

Your husband or wife does not cause our pain. Neither your employer nor your friends are the cause of the pain that you feel. The pain that you feel is caused by no one other than you. It does not matter from where it came; you allow it to do what it does. It is not the job, the neighbor, or anyone else or thing. The source of the pain is your thinking.

Childhood the Root Cause of Hurt and Pain

A cluttered mind leaves no place for good things to go. You let your pain caused by others be the reason why you suffer from the pain you do cause.  When how you think and act is the result of the pain you feel, you must trace your pain to where it leads. That would be your childhood.

Childhood Should Not Hurt

Stressful experiences in early childhood can have long-lasting impacts on kids’ health that persist well beyond the resolution of the situation. We now know more about emotional trauma and abuse in childhood and its effect on the mind. This is good. What is not so good is that those who know do not know what they should. It seems that what no one wants to admit, and we (society) will not own up to, is what we are doing to us. So, I ask myself what the end game is. Does anyone know? A childhood of pain and hurt can only lead to one thing, a life of the same. That is if we do not listen to what we hear. And it is difficult to do that when you are still clinging to debris from your childhood. But, you can learn to listen to what you hear. First, though, you must learn to listen and listen to learn.

Your childhood is real, and the effect that it has on you is real, as well. You must look back one last time. First, though, you have to let down your defense, drop your guard, maybe, for the first time. You can do it when you change how you think. Yes, many of us have been hurt. Our pain has its roots in and grows from a life being interfered with. You have to go back to this point. It is where your path to the right way of thinking begins.

Stairway to Self

walk don’t run Your Hurt Away

 Knowing who you are and being the real you is how you become the person you were meant to be. That goes for all of us. It is a journey that begins with the first step, and this first step should always be taken in early childhood, where the basis of our personality and sensitivities are formed. Yes, the first step to becoming you should always be taken in early childhood, but to the detriment of way too many, it is not. The caregivers failed to do their job. What allows a child to develop a sense of worth and belonging depends on the makeup of their environment. In our mental and physical environment is where our thoughts are formed by way of the senses and are molded in the image of the messages we receive through awareness and perception.

When your self-esteem is low, you will not be the best that you can be. It is not that you cannot be your best. You just will not let yourself do it. You are weak though you act strong, and that is not pretty and fools no one. You have to be Self-aware. It will never leave you; it is with you for life. It is how a child develops a healthy sense of self-worth. This is when you can say I am “somebody” and mean it. And it does not always happen when it should.

What has the most negative impact on our lives is when our self-esteem does not develop at all. You need it to live an emotionally mature life. It is not likely that you can have a productive life, or longevity without a heavy dose of self-esteem. We all need it. If this does not happen in early childhood, it will cause you to think, feel and act how you would rather not. Life will be difficult, at best. It can take years if ever, to gain what you never had but always needed. And I know this.

The American Academy of Pediatrics

 The American Academy of Pediatrics in a Healthy Children article defines self-esteem as “the way in which an individual perceives herself—in other words, her own thoughts and feelings about herself and her ability to achieve in ways that are important to her. This self-esteem is shaped by not only a child’s own perceptions and expectations, but also by the perceptions and expectations of significant people in her life—how she is thought of and treated by parents, teachers, and friends. The closer her perceived self (how she sees herself) comes to her ideal self (how she would like to be), the higher her self-esteem.”

THE ROOTS OF DEPRESSION ARE PLANTED IN CHILDHOOD

My Sister-In-Law Is Having An Affair

Dear Messenger:

Question and Answer #1

To Tell or Not to Tell

My sister-in-law told me she is having an affair with our Pastor. What should I do?

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Dear Messenger

I was visiting with my sister-in-law this morning, and she told me that she has been having an affair with our Pastor for the past year. Not only is he the minister of our church, his wife, Claudia, is also my best friend. I wish she had not told me, but now that she has, what should I do. I want to do the right thing, but if I told anyone and my brother Bob and my best friend found out. They both would be devastated.

AFFAIRS OF THE HEART

I don’t know if I can live with this disturbing secret much longer. It is causing me to lose sleep, and my husband is beginning to think maybe something is “going on” with me. He has been questioning me about why I seem to be so distracted. I do not want him to think that there is something that I am not telling him. I feel just terrible keeping a secret from my husband. I will be having lunch with Claudia on Tuesday. What should I tell her, if anything. Should I let my brother know? He is my brother, and I love him dearly?
—Caught in the Middle

Dear caught in the middle

Well, it is not a secret anymore, and it is not your secret to keep. Your sister-in-law put a load on your shoulders that is not yours to bear. And she let you in on her sordid affair, knowing whom she was telling. Not only is she married to your brother, but she is also getting it on with your best friend’s husband. I would normally say it is not your business, but this time, it is. Here is why, what if your brother and your best friend found out what is going on and that you knew and did not tell them. How could you explain?

There is probably not very much you could say that would heal the wounds that have been open by none other than your brother’s wife, and of course, the Pastor of your church. The first person you need to speak with, though, is your sister-in-law. She is the one who should tell, and you should let her know that if she does not, you will. A thing to remember is, if she had an ounce of respect for you, she would not have felt she could do what she did to your brother and then have the nerve to tell you. She did it because she knew she could. That tells me, to put it bluntly, you have little self-esteem, and it shows. Otherwise, your sister-in-law would never have told you what she did.

WHEN HURTING HURTS THE MOST

You need to take a look at yourself and find out why you have such a low opinion of yourself. You are better than you think you are. Of course, it is how you think. And this kind of thinking always starts in childhood. You know what it is. Take one last look at your hurt and pain from the past, and then leave it there.

your TIME the only time YOU HAVE

IT IS HOW YOU THINK
IN THE BEGINNING THERE WAS TIME

{Do You really know what time it is}

time is space — space is time
Pardon Me: Do You Have The Time

No matter what time it is, time does not change. What happens in the space of time does. It is not changing; we are. It is personal. It starts for each of us when our parents create us. Be it intentional, accidental, or another reason only known to them. You nor I can share our time, for it is personal. You cannot buy, lend, or borrow time. And your time is the only time you will have.

Hands holding money exchanging with time, of course, it cannot be done. The purpose of this image is to show some "characters" will try.
could i buy a little time

Time will give you no more time when you have no more time for life. Time, though, is not as important as what you do with it. When you think of the time that you have, the first thing you should think of is what you will do with it. What is just as important is how you feel as you go about doing it. To get the most from the time you have been given, you must understand what it is and how to use it wisely. The longer it takes to know what to do, the less time you have to do it. Because for sure, you will not get your time back. Our life moves on, even if our mind does not. You can think about the past. You can never be there. Keep in mind, the only time you have is the present.

Time for conception

A system of time for each person starts from conception. There is a time to be born, a time for living, and the final time: The time to move on to another existence. We do not control time. However, we do have control over how we live our life. Time does not change; things happen. And no matter how well we live our time, there will be a time when there is no more.

You may ask much of time, but time does not give. The question asked most often is for more time. Time will not answer. It only listens at the beginning before we are aware of the concept of time, and this is at a time of life when the question is not or cannot be asked. There cannot be an answer if there is no question.

Time stands still, though we do not. We cannot stop it, slow it down or speed it up. Nor can we waste it, but you can misspend it. The thing that you can do with time is to live it. When there is no more time, there is no more life. You do not start it over, this as far as we know. Time goes on; our time does not. You should live your time. Why question it. You cannot get it back once it is gone. Time for all things was here before us and shall be when we are gone. You cannot take a person, place, or thing with you when you go.

You are the master of the time you have for the time you have it. We have been given a lifetime. And we decide what to do with our lives, which tells the kind of life we will have and the path we will follow to the end. As straightforward as this may be, many do not understand this simple truth. They still try—but can never succeed—to live their lives by what they think others think of them. And for many, to their detriment, what they feel about themselves. The only thing that you do when you do this is to live your time away. Live it. Your time is the only time you have.

THE END

PEACE BE WITH YOU UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN

We never know how much time we have left to use the time we have. Time should always be put to its best use. The next step you take is one more step closer to home. We can never breathe the next breath. The time of man is not precise. It can never be known when a thing will be, just as it can never be known when it will not. All that we can do is plan. The future is not ours to know. It can be over just when we think we do.

THINKING and reasoning is what we do

I love to think
All brains have the same parts

Thinking is what we do. Our brains have the same makeup but different—as we are—in what they can do for us. Our thoughts are one of them. There is no restriction on the thoughts that we think. There is a limit to the thoughts that we have. It is not the same for any of us. It depends on what you have in your world to think about: those people, places, and things. You will not have a thought about anything you do not know a thing about. There are no equal rights of thought.

Equality of mind ends before thought, and thinking begins. We do have the sole privilege to think the thoughts that we have—with no known limit. Now, of course, we are not all Einstein and it is best not to think you can outthink anyone, just do it.

Thinking is not equal

What I believe to be true is that there is no “workable” definition of equality. It is a moving target. Once you think that you just may have achieved it, there it goes again; off and running. Some would say that math is exact, but I am not so sure about that. Even if so, for almost all other purposes, it does not exist. How could there possibly be equality when each person sees the other person as not equal to them in some way. Have you ever known equals? Ask yourself that question and see if you know the answer. How about your family and work-life? Is anyone equal in those environments? How about the church, school, at work, and any other places: are there equals to be found among these folks. Even when there are groups with the same rank, they are not equal among themselves or their influence on others. So, think about it before you leave.

The world we live in is the thing that determines our thoughts. Our thoughts come to life based on how we perceive what we see, hear and feel. We are taught how to think no matter the genes we may have been gifted with by our creators (parents). We do not teach ourselves. We learn from the many teachers in our life. Unfortunately, some of them are not good thinkers and are just passing on what they were taught. This way of thinking flows from one generation to the next. It is much a part of what we have to live with until we know better, if ever.

Thinking is black and white until you add color

Whether we choose peace or war, love or hate, empathy or indifference, it is how you think.  Well, whatever is passed on to us, we then try it on our own. As we grow and develop, we decide what to think. Even so, what we think will be influenced by what we were taught in our formative years.

Where The Color Comes In

If you want different thoughts to think, you must open up and expand your view to include what you are not aware of now. You have to meet other people, go to places you have not been, and do things you have not tried. If you hold back, you will continue to think (in Black and White) what you have always thought and do what you have always done. Even our imagination has its roots in what we know. It cannot run away with you on its own. The dreams that we have are no different; though, you may find it hard to believe with the dreams that you have.

There are many things that someone can do for you, but thinking is not one of them. Though people we know, some we just met and even a few we have not, will try. For them to do so, they would first have to know your thoughts. There are some things that we have, which belong to no one but us. They are our thoughts. And you cannot have a thought about things you do not know to exist. We think based on our thoughts, and our thoughts are based on our perception of what is in our world to stimulate the thinking process.

There is no limit, but not all will think the same.

When I say to think a thought, what I mean is, thought and thinking is not always the same. A thought is just a thought until you think it. Think of a thought as inert, not doing a thing from when you have it until you think of what you want to do with it. The time between the two is so short; there is no way to measure. Another thing, when someone says, I know what is on your mind, well, of course, they do not. We are yet to know when someone has a thought or what they are thinking. And there is a good reason we do not.

We know others by what they say and do. We were not given the ability to read minds. You may wonder why not have the ability to know what someone else is thinking; it could be exciting to know and could give you an advantage. Take a moment to think about it. What if you knew what is on the minds of the people you know, and likewise, they could read your thoughts. The things we would do to each other are unimaginable. It cannot be possible if we are to continue to exist as we are or at all.

not thinking the best thoughts FOR TIME AND PLACE

Perception is the Foundation of Thought

Say you are strolling down a New York City sidewalk, as you look up from being distracted by your phone, you see that you and I are approaching each other, and in about five to ten seconds, we will be side by side—close enough to feel the breeze and we pass by. You will have a thought based on your perception of me and others “like” me. From here on, your thinking process will begin and conclude in mere seconds in this order: You first will have a perception of me, you then will think about what you perceive the situation or your reality to be, from there, you will feel what you perceive, and you act. like all things, it is a process.

Your perception is the first thing that will happen. You will then think about us. If you feel comfortable and at ease, you may proceed, though, with caution. If you do not feel safe, you may go in another direction. Or you may not have strong feelings either way.

No matter how you feel, your feelings will be based on what you think about me. And you will act according to how you feel. We perceive, have a thought, we think, we feel, and we act. That is the course of an action (thinking) process. Of course, this scenario would have me thinking as well, however, in a different sense and emphasis more on stimulation rather than safety. 

It is how you think

THERE IS ALWAYS A THOUGHT TO THINK AND REASONING TO DO

Thinking is exercise for the mind

A thought is not only what you had. It is also what you have. You thought, and you have a thought. You cannot force a thought. To try to do so is called thinking. Once you have a thought, you think it, or it moves on to our memory. It will not be undone. It is the same as it is with life. We cannot change the life we have lived. What exists to us is all we know. And we decide what we are going to do with it. Think about that.

Distraction or Attraction

Remember This: I come before you, they, them, we, and us. When I do not come first, life will be disordered until I do. The greatest attraction/satisfaction should be your SELF.
Distracted

There are reasons why you let things distract you, even when you do not know the reason why. When you are distracted, it can be good, or it could be bad. It all depends on your thoughts. If a thing distracts you when you have good thoughts, it is not so good. If you are distracted when your thoughts are not good, it is a good thing. It is the thinking that you do afterward that makes the difference in what you do next. It is not all about distraction. There is much in life that you can be attracted to as well. And there are several cautions here that will serve you well to remember.

I Come First

When you find a person, place, or even a thing to be attractive to you, a one-way channel for your feelings has been opened. This feeling is not a distraction. It is an attraction; you are drawn to it. And if this so happens to be a person and there is an indication that the attraction goes both ways, you now have open communications and the opportunity for advancement. It is by way of preferences that we all have for that which pulls us in. We are attracted to people, places, and things that are attractive to us. But what turns me on may not do a thing for you. It is not by us; it is in us. Attraction leads to desire, and it is from this point, how you feel, and act that will determine the outcome. Here is where a misinterpretation of the circumstance is likely to occur. Is it real, or is it the imagination with a heavy dose of fantasy, an image that has been created to take your mind for a ride?

What A Day for a daydream

Since the advent of modern-day marketing, lines have been blurred, and it is difficult for many to know what exactly they are attracted to. Is it unfettered attraction, or have you been led to think—by suggestion—what you find attractive. What you think you feel may be the hype and manipulation of the marketing machine. Just as in relationships, what you think you see may not be that at all. When you peel away the veneer, you realize it was just an illusion, a trick to gain your attention. There is very little that is what it seems to be; do you really know what is in that? You can “read the label” and still not know.

Before and after

It has all come down to us against them. As has been put forth by the cautionary rule, “Let the buyer beware.” Is this person, place, or thing just another someone or something made up to draw you in to seal the deal? And then it is a wrap. These objects of attraction are like magnets; they draw you in when the wise thing would be to maintain your distance. Some will ignore all the signs to the contrary and plunge headfirst into the swirl of promotions, sales gimmicks, and marketing gadgets. The techniques are not exclusive to business concerns. There are men and women of all levels of society just as adept.

Though we can be attracted to many things, it is the intense feelings that you have for the other sex that tugs at your emotions and play tricks with your mind.  You must decide if the feeling is actionable, for no one can do it for you. Or is it just the result of your life circumstance: loneliness, for example. The answer comes, and you must know it when it does, for it is not always so apparent. And there are those times when the intent is to deceive. Another word for that is a setup or being “catfished.” One should know the difference, for it could be a lifesaver. The first step should only be taken after you have been invited. You are the gatekeeper of your mind, so you must know what to allow in your head.

Attraction-distraction-desire

When you are attracted to the object of your desire, the mind tends to go on a flight of fantasy. And before you know it, if you are not grounded in reality, you will take off into the unknown. As is often the case, it may turn out to be something/someone you should walk away from instead of towards. Much of this you may already know from firsthand knowledge. If so, treat this as just a reminder. Our preferences are based on how we view our wants and desires. They are subject to change as our mind goes from one thought to another. It depends on what is there to think about and what this does to how you feel. So this is a consideration that must be given before losing one’s self in the excitement of this most powerful force of attraction. It draws you in rather than pushes you away. Far too many, to their detriment, are distracted by their attractions.

It is how You think

What distracts some the most is when they think about what they think others think about them. And, of course, it is how you think. Then they try a never-ending effort to change things about themselves that cannot or should not be changed. They change how they dress, how they speak, and yes, even their face. Some, in their effort to cover up what they think, is a not so nicely shaped nose, cheekbones, eyes, skin tone, or other believed to be flaws apply cosmetics of all kinds to the point where those who know them feel forced to lie and say they look natural and so becoming. It is not a nice thing to do to your friends and loved ones.

Girl did you hear that…

But remember this, a Change in makeup will not change who you are. The Self is your makeup. It is the soul of a person, it is who you are, and it does not change. New makeup is not what you need. An overhaul of how you think is what you need. The change in how you think will change how you feel, which will change how you act and view the world around you. Let how you act be the face that you show the world. You should not depend on your looks to speak for you. Your outer person is only there to compliment who you are and not be the complete representation of you.

Makeup and getup

Makeup and a getup (outfit) will not keep you up. When how you look does not match your inner Self, it creates pressure. You have to try to act the way you look. The real you can only come out when the outside is inside. How you feel, then, depends on how you look, and with time the looks will change right before your eyes. Try as hard as you might, your looks will not remain the same. They will lose a step to age. No one can march against time. And the struggle with who you see in the mirror is just as futile. The time of our lives changes, time-space does not. For time is space and space is time.

You must attract that person who you want to be.

Distraction

You fool no one when you try to hide, and there is no cover-up to make up for the difference. It is how you think and how you think leads the way to what you do next. To change how you feel about yourself, you must change how you think about yourself.  You have done too much, though, when what you do cause you to look like who you are not. Even worse—to act the same. We can see you and so can you.

Here’s Looking at you
When you race against yourself, you can never win.

You Must Know Why When and What for Success

First You Must Know Why

The Reason Why

Why and when are more significant than what, and why is the reason. To know your own why is to know the only why you can ever know. You know what others tell you, but how can you know for sure if the why they tell you is their why or just a lie. It could be their why, or it could not. There is no way to know if what they are telling you is true. Often it is what you want to believe and has as much to do with your feelings for or about the “teller” as it does with what is being told.

It takes knowledge and understanding of your Self to know your own why. And depending on how you think at any given time, you may have doubts about your own why. For sure, you should never act until there are no doubts in your mind: Not one. When you do not know why it is because of how you think and how you think is disordered and does not serve you well.

This is Why

Take the time you need to think before you act. Regret should not be the outcome of what you do. You must always know what moved you to act. It would not be possible to justify what you do if you—yourself—do not know why. You should know all that you need to know to understand why you think as you do.

When you say, what you say is more important than what you say. You have to say what you want to say at the time that is right to say it. The right thing said at the wrong time and place will not have the desired effect, and in fact, could be quite damaging to you and your relationship with others. Do not say a word until it is time. As in most things that we do, timing is the key. You must know this before you act or speak. That is unless you are talking to yourself to know what to say to someone else.

The right thing said at the wrong time is worse than not saying anything at all. Words are to convey our thoughts, as we want them to be understood. And what is hard to argue with is that you say and do what you mean. It is not so true when your thinking is disordered.

Knowledge is not good or bad. It is what you do with it that decides what it is worth. And to learn, you have to listen, and you have to listen until you know what is said and, even more so, what it means. You have to listen to learn and learn to listen. When it is your time to talk, you have to listen to yourself to know when you have said enough. You have to know when to hold back. You can and will lose much when you do not know when to stop talking.

Nothing is hard to do. You just do not know how to do it yet

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