Learn to listen listen to learn thinking for life

Our brains have the same makeup but different—as we are—in what they can do for us. Our thoughts are one of them. There is no restriction on the thoughts that we think. There is a limit to the thoughts that we have. It is not the same for any of us. It depends on what you have in your world to think. You will not have a thought about anything you do not know a thing about—not possible. There are no equal rights of thought. But we do have the sole privilege to think the thoughts that we have. And that is with no known limit. Now, of course, we are not all Einstein. But you must learn to listen.

And listen to learn

The world we live in is what determines our thoughts. Our thoughts come to life based on how we perceive what we see, hear, and feel. We are taught how to think no matter the genes we may have been gifted. We do not teach ourselves. From early childhood, we learn from the many teachers in our life. It includes parents, family members, caregivers, and others in our environment who make an impression on us. Unfortunately, some of them are not good thinkers and are just passing on what they were taught. This way of thinking flows from one generation to the next. It is much a part of what some, unfortunately, have to live with and is the root cause of most, if not all, disordered thinking.

You must learn to listen

Whether we choose peace or war, love or hate, empathy or indifference, it is how we think. And whatever is taught to us, we then try it on our own. As we grow and develop, we decide what to think. Even so, what we think will be influenced by what we were taught in our formative years. The way you wish not to think is not easily undone.

If you want different thoughts to think, you must open your world to more things. You have to meet more or different people, go to places you have not been and do things you have not tried. If you hold back, you will continue to think what you have always thought and do what you have always done. Even our imagination has its roots in what we know. It cannot run away with you on its own. The dreams that we have are no different; though, you may find it difficult to believe with the dreams that you have.

AND LISTEN TO LEARN

There are many things that someone can do for you, but thinking is not one of them. Though people we know, some we just met and even a few we have not, will try. For them to do so, they would first have to know your thoughts. There are some things that we have, which belong to no one but us. They are our thoughts. And we cannot have a thought about things we do not know to exist. We think based on knowing. There is no limit, but not all thinking is the same.

THOUGHT AND THINKING

When I say to think a thought, what I mean is, thought and thinking are not always the same. A thought is just a thought until you think it. Think of a thought as being inert, not doing a thing from when you have it until you think of what you want to do with it. The time between the two is so short there is no way to measure. Another thing, when someone says, I know what is on your mind, well, of course, they do not.

We are yet to know when someone has a thought or what they are thinking. And there is a good reason we do not. We know others by what they say and do. The Creator did not give us the ability to read minds. If you are wondering why not, just think if you knew what is on the minds of the people you know and see, and lack wise, they could read your thoughts. The things we would do to each other are unimaginable. It cannot be possible if we are to continue to exist as we are or at all. You must learn to listen.

Thought is not only what you had. It is also what you have. You thought, and you have a thought. You cannot force a thought. To try to do so is called thinking. Once we have a thought, we think it, or it moves to our memory. You will not undo it. It is the same as it is with life. The life we have lived cannot be changed or altered. What exists to us is all we know. And we decide what we are going to do with it. Think about this.

THE THINKING PROCESS

Say you (White Girl/Woman) are walking down a city sidewalk (at night), and you see that you and I (Black Male) are approaching each other and within seconds will be at each other’s side. You will have a thought based on your perception of me or people who look like me. It is the first thing that will happen. You will then think about us. If you are at ease with what you think, you will continue on your way, most likely unbothered. However, if you do not feel safe for some reason—that can only be known by you—you will go in another direction or proceed with caution: tension building each step of the way. Or you may not have strong feelings either way. No matter how you feel, your emotions will be based on what you think. And you will act according to how you feel.

We perceive, have a thought, we think, we feel we act: That is the order of the thinking process. So, you must be listen to learn and learn to listen.

LEARN IS WHAT WE DO

time: how much do you need

YOU CAN NEVER HOLD BACK THE HANDS OF TIME

Time is like the wind you cannot see; you only see what it does. Do we really know what time it is.

What is it that makes time so important? Why do we speak about it like no other. There are times what we say about time should come with an explanation. It is time, your time, my time, what time is it, now is the time. And let’s not forget, I don’t have time for this.

You will not know when it is time to do a thing until after you have done it. It is one of those things in life you cannot know for sure. How many times have you said it is time and it was not? If it has become a reality, then it was the time. One thing is for sure; we live for no less or more than the time we have to live. Without it, there would be no space for things to go. For time is space. And all things that exist occupies space. Space was here when we arrived. We are the occupiers. We do not touch space: only move around in it when the Creator chooses a time/space for us.

TIME and SPACE

“First God made heaven & earth. The earth was without form and void, and darkness was upon the face of the deep, and the Spirit of God was moving over the face of the waters. And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. And God saw that the light was good, and God separated the light from the darkness. God called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night. And there was evening, and there was morning, one day.”

All things that come into time and space with life will depart—when there is no more of this life to live. It will be a new day, a new place, and another time. There is space for all to fit. To yonder, we will go.

Time, as we know it, is a concept of “man.” And many cut theirs short by how they live their life: the things they say and do. And they do this not realizing how little time they have. They do this, of course, because of how they think and how they think when they think this way is disordered. When you act in ways that hurt you, you are hurting inside, and there is where it hurts the most. And each time that hurt is acted out, it takes from the time you have to be yourself.

TIME IS WHAT SPACE IS

THIS IS TIME THIS IS SPACE

No matter what time it is, it does not change. However, what happens in the space of time does. It is not changing—we are. For you and me, it is personal. It starts for each of us when our parents create us and is not shared. You cannot lend, nor can you borrow it. And your yours is the only time you will have. More will not be given when you have no more. Time—though—is not as important as what you do with it.

When you think of your time, you should first think about what you will do with it. What is just as important is how you feel while you are doing it. To get the most from you have, you must understand what it is and how to use it wisely. The longer it takes to know what to do with it, the less time you have to do it. Because for sure, you will not get it back.

What Clock Do You Watch To Know What Time It Is

There are two kinds of time in my way of thinking. It is what God gave us—that would be our life time—and universal time/space, which is the greatest of all. It does not change nor does it expire. What I am saying may be clearer if it is thought of in terms of the world, as we understand it to be. The world has 24 (?) time zones. The United States uses six standard zones. Therefore, the question is, when is the right time? With every area of the world having its own zones, how can you know what time it is? Neither of them is correct when next to the other. Time that can change is invented by man. It is never the same and is not valid. The time for all there is will always be as long as there is space.

TIME DOES NOT CHANGE WE DO

The clock on the wall has less to do with the outcome than the actions we take and what we do. Time will be the same no matter the clock on the wall. It is whole, as it is with space. We will not divide it. There is but one time, and it is the same all the time. The concept of our view of time was imposed on us by us. All things live by the rhythm of nature. However, we are the ones who live by the clock. We do—though—need the means to measure what we do and when we do it to keep our lives in order. To know why we are where we are at all times.

On the whole, a clock or any instrument to measure time is a way to know when or not. A means to measure the times of our lives is one of the things a society must have to maintain order. Otherwise, it would be utter chaos. So, you cannot build a society without it.

If we had the power over the nature of time, what would we do with it, where would we put it? Would we add a little here, take a little there? For sure, it would be the “final step” to the end. Wars would be fought over it. It would be stolen, and some would lie, cheat and steal to get more of it. Those with no power would get none.

WHAT CAN YOU DO WITH IT

  • CAN YOU EAT it
  • CAN YOU RIDE it
  • CAN YOU MAKE LOVE TO it
  • YOU CANNOT LEND NOR CAN YOU BORROW it
  • SAVE, LOOSE OR DO ANYTHING ELSE WITH IT
  • YOU MUST RESPECT IT

You should not make your decisions based on time. It will not accomplish a thing on its own. Decide what you want to do, then make good of your time to do it; this should be the order of how you decide. No matter how much you have, if you do not know what you are going to do with it, you will not know how much you need. What matters is how you are going to fill the space. If you bake a cake for the required time but use the wrong ingredients, you will not get the cake you want. Then, you would have a cake you cannot eat, and time you no longer have. This was your time.

Let us take a look at God’s time, which does not change. You add or remove items from a room. It makes no difference when you move these things, the space does not. No matter what you do or when you do it, the space remains the same other than its content.

WHERE ARE WE WHERE ARE WE HEADED

TO THE NEXT LIFE WE GO

We may ask much of time, but it does not give. The question asked most is for more. Time will not answer. It is closed to and does not hear what we have to say. It stands still to infinity. We cannot stop it, slow it down or speed it up. Nor can we waste it. The thing that we can do with time is live what we have. When there is no more time, there is no more to live. We do not start it over. It goes on; our time on this planet does not. So, live it. You cannot get it back once it is gone.

WHEN WE GO WE DO NOT TAKE TIME WITH US

Time for all things was here before us and shall be when we are gone. It is the only thing out of all things that we can depend on. Remove all things that exist—what is left is the space. There is no void in space for it was created to be occupied: We are here, and so is the rest of all that exists. It has been complete from the start when God created it. In the beginning, there was space for all things. All we are aware of, which does not amount to much, and the much that we are unaware of and do not have the vision to see.

We are the master of the life we have. Each of us is blessed with one. All lives are one. They are individual. No two are the same. Not one breathes the same breath. When we can, we decide what to do with our lives. It tells the type of life we will have and the path we will follow. As straight as this may be, many do not understand this simple truth. They still try—but can never succeed—to live their lives for and through others. The only thing that you do when you do this is live your time away. Live it, do not live it away. Ours is the only time we have. Do not say I cannot do it for me. I will let someone else do it. No one can do for you what only you can do for yourself.

We never know how much time we have to use what we have. So, you should always use your time wisely. When you do not know what to do next, do what you know now. Never rush or force your next step. We can never breathe the next breath. It is not for us to know it all. It is for us to understand what we need to know. The time of man is not precise. You can never know, with confidence, what will happen next. All we can do is plan. The future is not ours to know. It can be over just when we think we do.

God created it not to be changed; it cannot be changed. The existence of life is one of them. If this is not so, who would turn off the lights after we know how to do it our way, and there is no more to see. It is not within our reach. We will not change the nature and makeup of life. It is not for us to do. Humans did not assign the roles for our species, and we cannot reassign them. But we can destroy what we have that until now was more than enough. You are not God.

MAN and WOMAN

AND BABY MAKES THREE

We are still learning how to think

We will be learning about how we think and the workings of the brain as long as there is the power of thought. There can be no end. Just as it is with life, there will always be much left to learn. It would be a lofty goal to want to know why there is life. To think we can know this reveals a great deal about how we think. And it is a road with no end, as well. We are yet to discover why one would take a life. To indicate how far we are from these incredible feats, researchers who study the brain are still trying to figure out why we sleep. Sleep: a thing that seems so basic, and they do not know. We have dreams, and no one knows why.

Time is what we need, and we know we have that. What we do not and will not know is how much. Even if you try being God and ending it yourself.

How Much Time Do You Have Left to Give

Time is like the wind you cannot see; you only see what it does. Do we really know what time it is.

What is it that makes time so important? Why do we speak about it like no other. There are times what we say about time should come with an explanation. It is time, your time, my time, what time is it, now is the time. And let’s not forget, I don’t have time for this.

You will not know when it is time to do a thing until after you have done it. Time is one of those things in life you cannot know for sure. How many times have you said it is time and it was not? If it has become a reality, then it was the time. One thing is for sure; we live for no less or more than the time we have to live. Without time, there would be no space for things to go. For time is space. And all things that exist do so in space. Space was here when we arrived. We are the occupiers. We do not touch space. We only move around in it. We live when the Creator chooses a time/space for us.

“First God made heaven & earth. The earth was without form and void, and darkness was upon the face of the deep, and the Spirit of God was moving over the face of the waters. And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. And God saw that the light was good, and God separated the light from the darkness. God called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night. And there was evening, and there was morning, one day.”

All things that come into time and space with life will depart—when it is time—without the life we have. It will be a new day, a new place, and a new time. There is space for all to fit.

Time, as we know it, is a concept of “man.” And many cut their time short, and they do this not realizing how little time they have. You would certainly think so when you look at some of the things that people do. They do this, of course, because of how they think and how they think when they think this way is disordered. When you act in ways that hurt you, you are hurting inside, and there is where it hurts the most. And each time that hurt is acted out, it takes from the time you have to be yourself.

Time Is What Space Is

No matter what time it is, time does not change. However, what happens in the space of time does. Time is not changing—we are. For you and me, it is personal. It starts for each of us when our parents create us and is not shared. You cannot lend, nor can you borrow time. And your time is the only time you will have. More time will not be given when you have no more to live. Time—though—is not as important as what you do with it.

When you think of your time, you should first think about what you will do with it. What is just as important is how you feel while you are doing it. To get the most from the time you have, you must understand what it is and how to use it wisely. The longer it takes to know what to do with your time, the less time you have to do it. Because for sure, you will not get your time back.

What Clock Do You Watch To Know What Time It Is

The clock on the wall has less to do with the outcome than what we do. Time will be the same no matter the clock on the wall. It is whole, as it is with space. We will not divide it. There is but one time, and it is the same all the time. The concept of our view of time was imposed on us by us. All things live by the rhythm of nature. However, we are the ones who live by the clock. We do—though—need the means to measure what we do and when we do it to keep our lives in order. To know why we are where we are at all times.

On the whole, a clock or any instrument to measure time is a way to monitor and control how and when things should or should not be done. A means to measure the times of our lives is one of the things a society must have to maintain order. Otherwise, it would be utter chaos. A society could never be built without it.

There are two kinds of time in my way of thinking. It is the time that God gave us—our own time—and universal time/space, which is the greatest of all. It does not change. It does not expire. What I am saying may be clearer if it is thought of in terms of the world, as we understand it to be. There are seven world time zones. The United States uses nine standard zones. Therefore, the question is, what time is the right time? With every area of the world having its own time zones, how can you know what time it is? Neither of them is correct when next to the other. Time that can change is invented by man. It is never the same and is not valid. The time for all there is will always be as long as there is space.

If we had the power over the nature of time, what would we do with it, where would we put it? Would we add a little here, take a little there? For sure, it would be the “final step” to the end. Wars would be fought over time, it would be stolen, and some would lie, cheat and steal to get more of it. Those with no power would get none.

You should not make your decisions based on time. Time will not accomplish a thing on its own. Decide what you want to do, then make good of your time to do it; this should be the order of how you decide. No matter how much time you have, if you do not know what you are going to do with it, you will not know how much you need. What matters is how you are going to fill the space. If you bake a cake for the required time but use the wrong ingredients, you will not get the cake you want. Then, you would have a cake you cannot eat, and time you no longer have. This time was your time.

Let us take a look at God’s time: the time that does not change. In a room there are things—they come and go. Some things are added some are removed. It makes no difference when these things are moved or changed; the space does not. Time is space.

We may ask much of time, but time does not give. The question asked most is for more. Time will not answer. It is closed to and does not hear what we have to say. It stands still to infinity. We cannot stop it, slow it down or speed it up. Nor can we waste it. The thing that we can do with time is live the time we have. When there is no more time, there is no more to live. We do not start it over: Not this time. Time goes on; our time on this planet does not. So, live your time. You cannot get it back once it is gone.

Time for all things was here before us and shall be when we are gone. It is the only thing out of all things that we can depend on. Remove all things that exist—what is left is the space of time. There is never a void in time and space. We are here, and so is the rest of all that exists. It has been complete from the start when God created it. In the beginning, there was space for all things. All we are aware of, which does not amount to much, and the much that we are unaware of and do not have the vision to see.

We are the master of the time we have. Each of us is blessed with a lifetime. All lives are one. No two are the same. Not one breathes the same breath. When we can, we decide what to do with our lives. It tells the type of life we will have and the path we will follow. As straight as this may be, many do not understand this simple truth. They still try—but can never succeed—to live their lives for and through others. The only thing that you do when you do this is live your time away. Live it, do not live it away. Our time is the only time we have. Do not say I cannot do it for me. I will let someone else do it. No one can do for you what only you can do for yourself.

We never know how much time we have to use the time we have. So, you should always use your time wisely. When you do not know what to do next, do what you know now. Your next step should never be rushed or forced. We can never breathe the next breath. It is not for us to know it all. It is for us to understand what we need to know. The time of man is not precise. You can never know, with confidence, what will happen next. All we can do is plan. The future is not ours to know. It can be over just when we think we do.

Not a thing that was created not to be changed can be changed. The existence of life is one of them. If this is not so, who would turn off the lights after we know how, and there is no more to see. It is not within our reach. We will not change the nature and makeup of life. It is not for us to do. We did not assign the roles for us humans, and we cannot reassign them. We are still learning how to think.

We will be learning about how we think and the workings of the brain as long as there is the power of thought. There can be no end. Just as it is with life, there will always be much left to learn. It would be a lofty goal to want to know why there is life. To think we can know this reveals a great deal about how we think. And it is a road with no end, as well. We are yet to discover why one would take a life. To indicate how far we are from these incredible feats, researchers who study the brain are still trying to figure out why we sleep. Sleep: a thing that seems so basic, and they do not know. We have dreams, and no one knows why. Time is what we need, and we know we have that. What we do not and will not know is how much.

temptation: it is all around you

WILL YOU YIELD TO TEMPTATION

CREATED TO DO RIGHT AND WRONG

Temptation — is it going to get you

Yield is just one sign. There are more—than I wish to count—laws, rules, and regulations to keep us from doing the wrong thing. Now think about that if you will. So it would seem that we are not that much different from nonhuman animals. We are not as civilized as we would like to think we are. Other animals are put in cages, and so are some of us. There are thousands of laws throughout the world with the sole purpose of keeping humans in line. Why would this be? Are we not supposed to be the higher-level thinkers of the animal world. If this is so, why do we need the police, the military, and other means of enforcement to keep us in check. Some among us break the law all the time, even when they know there could be punishment to follow.

Are we just wild by nature with an inclination to do the wrong thing?

Now, of course, there are no laws to regulate our relationship with each other: How we treat one another. You are my wife, but I am having sex with your “best friend,” is that right. You tell your husband that you are out with the girls when you are at the motel getting it on. I say to you that I love you when I know it is a lie. You act as if you are really feeling it when at the same time, you can hardly wait for him to roll off to his side of the bed. Your husband’s buddy cannot keep his eyes off your body parts. He does this every time your husband looks away. You enjoy his attention to the details of your assets. What are you going to do about it? Will you yield to temptation.

IS IT MORE THAN IMPULSE

On your last trip to your friend’s house, you made sure to brush up against her husband, did that satisfy you enough, or do you need more. Did he say you are excused, or did he push back in silence, letting you know that he was thrilled by the touch. A casual acquaintance you had “noticed” tells you that she wants to be with you that her loins ache for you. And you are married, will you yield to temptation. Your boyfriend you care about in so many ways and want to be with cannot satisfy you in bed. Will you yield to temptation and be with someone else just for sex. You are out with the boys, and they want to go to the strip joint; you promised your wife you would not do this. Will you yield to temptation and go instead.

You will be tempted to do things you know are wrong by moral standards but feel right by your own. Do you yield to temptation, or do you deny yourself the pleasure of being who you are. The Creator put pain and pleasure of life here for us to decide. Some believe there should be no pleasure or there should be some type of on and off switch. No such control was included when we were created, for pain and pleasure are part of who we are. And pleasure is what we seek because it feels better than pain. That is why it is so difficult, and not natural, not to yield to certain temptations. The Creator chose desire to make sure that the life of his creation would continue to be. It could not happen with pain. Pain’s purpose is to tell us that not all is well.

We are animals, yes, you heard what I said, and we are human.

When we deny ourselves the pleasures of life, all that is left is pain. Now I ask you, will you yield to temptation?

TEMPTATION

DESIRE MY SOUL IS ON FIRE

Even the feelings of love and hate struggle against the seduction of desire. You can “feel” love for one and desire another just as you can feel hate for one that you desire. If you have thought it, you know it. If not yet, you will. A true sign is when the heart race and the pulse quickens with just the thought of the object of your desire. And when in the presence of the one, the body is triggered, feelings swell and pulsate to the rhythm playing in your mind. And at that moment, no one knows but you.

We did not make it the way that it is. It is in us. The great taboo is no taboo at all. The Creator created us—that when stimulated—to have strong feelings and to be desirous of each other. The hands of nature hold the switch. You can turn your back on desire. Though, each time it will turn you back around. It is not a sin. It would not be as strong if it were wrong. We cannot erase it. However, you must maintain control of your feelings and how you think them. There should never be a time when you do not.

Of course, as with all things in life, there is a time and place if it is to be a time and place. You do not have to act on desire, but to pretend will not change how you feel. There is no human power or words that can change this. So let no one tell you that you should not feel what you do, for they desire as well. It matters not their role or title that they hold. Do not, though, confuse temptation with desire: They are not the same.

LET THE GOOD TIMES ROLL

 

 

 

Desire Is Not A Dirty Word this is true

DESIRE IS FOR YOU

 The Strongest Human Emotion

Even the feelings of love and hate struggle against the seduction of desire. You can “feel” love for one and desire another just as you can feel hate for one that you desire. If you have thought it, you know it. If not yet, you will. A true sign is when the heart race and the pulse quickens with just the thought of the object of your desire. And when in the presence of the one, the body is triggered, feelings swell and pulsate to the rhythm playing in your mind. And at that moment, no one knows but you.

We did not make it the way that it is. It is in us. The great taboo is no taboo at all. The Creator created us—that when stimulated—to have strong feelings and to be desirous of each other. The hands of nature hold the switch. You can turn your back on desire. Though, each time it will turn you back around. It is not a sin. It would not be as strong if it were wrong. We cannot erase it. However, you must maintain control of your feelings and how you think them. There should never be a time when you do not.

Of course, as with all things in life, there is a time and place if it is to be a time and place. You do not have to act on desire, but to pretend will not change how you feel. There is no human power or words that can change this. So let no one tell you that you should not feel what you do, for they desire as well. It matters not their role or title that they hold. Do not, though, confuse temptation with desire: They are not the same.

TEMPTATION IS NOT DESIRE

Pain and Pleasure

We will be tempted to do things we know are wrong by moral standards but feel right by our own. Do you yield to temptation, or do you deny yourself the pleasure of being who you are. The Creator put pain and pleasure of life here for us to decide. Some believe there should be no pleasure or there should be some type of on and off switch. No such control was included when we were created, for pain and pleasure are part of who we are. And pleasure is what we seek because it feels better than pain. That is why it is so difficult, and not natural, not to yield to certain temptations. The Creator chose desire to make sure that the life of his creation would continue to be. It could not happen with pain. Pain’s purpose is to tell us that not all is well. We are animals, yes, you heard what I said, and we are human. When we deny ourselves the pleasures of life, all that is left is pain. Now I ask you, will you yield to temptation?

born to be free you are the master of your destiny

To Love And to Cherish

Black Man Placing Wedding Ring On Black Woman's Finger
WITH THIS RING
BORN TO LOVE

Born to be free, but then comes marriage. And marriage comes with a contract—vows—that is as unnatural as marriage itself. This may sound shocking, and to some of you, I am sure it does. But read on and listen to what I have to say. Then you may understand my position and how I think about freedom. To honor and obey, who does that now, or ever has. To bind two people together goes against the natural order of life. It is an unnatural coupling—other than for sex and reproduction—between two people who are different in a major way.

But, of course, man and woman must come together for it is our duty and responsibility, passed on to us by the Creator to assure that human life would endure. Furthermore, to this end and also in God’s plan is that what we do in the furtherance of life be enjoyable. It is built in us to want to feel good and we do this best when we share what we feel with others. Man, woman, and child: We learn to appreciate this instinctively at a very early age. All the time recognizing that timing matters.

above all

BORN TO THINK

Marriage, and its vows, is the greatest agreement that never was.

There is but one true relationship, and that is through our bloodline. Though not always close, and you may not get along, kinship is forever. It is the relationship built to last. All others that are, or that may come to be, are unnatural and difficult to maintain, at best.

The institution of Marriage was founded on the prospect of longevity and closeness: One of the most personal relationships. But it has come to be accepted by most, it seems, as the hardest to hold together. You will often hear that it takes ongoing and never ending work to hold it together. All kinds of “glue” are used to keep it from coming apart—though—none of it stands a chance against the mighty power of infidelity. It is high on the list and the most serious and damaging to the minds of those involved when that driving, unrelenting emotion known as desire takes control.

A CHEATING HEART WILL TELL ON YOU

It could be part of the problem (knowing there is a way out) or the solution. Either way, marriage comes with its own remedy if the relationship cannot go the distance. And that is by way of a divorce, which is born from the beginning. Long Before the ceremonial, I do. It is not love when one or the other or both are living a lie.

Too close for comfort

ONE LESS PHONE TO ANSWER

And coming in second as a place where feelings can sour, even though not as personal as marriage and family, is on the job. Where at times you must try to be someone you are not for eight to twelve hours. It could be any place where you feel you almost have no choice but to be there, which causes you to think in ways you would rather not (see above). For whatever the reason why, you think you must. If there were a list of places and circumstances, it would be limitless. But there is a good reason why a society needs us to be in these “up close” relationships and places.

And if I have not been direct enough before, here it is: Born to be free, we are; though, it all comes down to a need for control and a good measure of stability. An orderly society is born from dependence, a level of control, power when and where needed, and expectation. You cannot avoid much of it as much as you might try. And to be a contributing member to the world community, you should not.

Some situations new to us can be quite uncomfortable to later be environments we look forward to being in and an active participant.

SHE WANTS SOME AND HE SLEEPS

Most humans and other animals need their space and do not take kindly to attempts to control them. It is the wild, if it could be called that, which is in all of us. We are born to be free. It is a vital part of self that makes us who we are. It is the core of how we came to be. We had to be different, just as we had to come in contact with each other and closer than some wanted to be. Does husband and wife in separate beds come to mind here? Going without sex even though you are married, oh my goodness, what is that all about? There are few, very few, acceptable answers to that question.

ASLEEP AT THE WHEEL

Being close is more than just a factor in relationships, and it is not natural not to be close/intimate when one or the other desires to be and there seems to be no apparent reason why not. As previously stated, long periods of time together—when there is a main ingredient missing—is ripe for getting on each other’s nerves. If you feel you don’t want to be there and feel you must, you will compensate. We know where this can/will lead. Some of the worst outcomes are born from the alienation of affection.

Many of the ills of societies today and the past are because we have to be near each other when we would rather not. You want it your way, and I want it mine. And the times are few when we want the same. I do it, you do it, and nations do it. One could wonder, if one were so inclined, why is it this way? Why can we not all get along? We may never know why, but we do have to work with what is, if longevity is one of our goals. It is a problem with major and significant consequences.

We are not doing a good job living among each other when the origin of racism, sexism, ageism, religious differences, and a host of other hurtful and hateful feelings and emotions are in us. Those who think they know the answer to the question planted the seed. Is it born in us or is it born from us: questions worth asking. Now, this is what I do. I look to nature. There is one other thing that is central, and at its core, someone has to be in charge.

Born to Lead or Born to Follow

There must be leaders, followers, and all that is in between for society and our lives to function as they should. As it is, we have one who owns the means of production, and the other is the worker. Just look at nature for proof. What can and does cause a problem and disorder is when you have followers wanting to be leaders when they are not, and leaders—in name only— who do not know how to lead. One is there by order of their birth, it was handed down to them, or by some other means without merit. A lack of will, skills, or knowledge is the likely reason others toil away in jobs that have no meaning to them other than a paycheck. Whatever the outcome, it is how both think the thoughts that they do.

There is another group, those who are where they are by force or the weakness of their mind. I will call this group the ones who let others—wives, husbands, boy/girlfriends, and a host of other folks—tell them what to do. All of this causes an unnatural balance that goes against nature. Of course, some who follow begin to lead and work their way up. They had it in them all along. They were where they were only because of circumstance. Nothing is so small that it is not big enough to grow. The main ingredient is in you.

You must be strong, and there are points of care necessary to be so: First, there must be a healthy seed (you), next; that seed must be planted (parents) in fertile soil; then once it sprouts into the world, the creation, which would be you and I (humans), will need weeding to keep the intruders at a distance, and water from the heavens or the hands. God provides the sunshine as well.

BORN TO BE

CREATED AND BORN WHAT GOD WANTED US TO BE

MALE/FEMALE

There are some who say nothing ever changes — the way it is, is the way it has always been. I say nothing is the way that it has always been. Not a thing made to change has remained the same. One thing that does not change—however—is the roles of nature. The Creator gave the male and the female their roles for life. He handed his greatest gift, which is life, to us with trust. If we even think about going against the will of God, life will be no more for humankind. It is so no matter what God is to you if anything at all. Where we are in our lives can change if change is what we want. The changes may be so small that it seems that there are no changes at all, but when you reach milestones, you will know.

One thing we all should remember, with freedom comes responsibility. The freedom to speak comes with knowing when to do so or not. The freedom to choose comes with “knowing” the choices. And the freedom to be you comes with knowing who you are.

FREEDOM TO CHOOSE

Everyone wants the freedom to do whatever they want, but few know the right thing to do with it when they get it. Some suffer from role confusion when society’s conventions no longer bind them. They want the role reserved by nature for the other one and turn their backs on their own. Some things can change; the core of our existence will not change to the extent that roles will reverse. If so, where would life go? God, The Creator, created us with specific attributes, both male and female alike. It is the way he wanted it to be. And this is the way it shall be, or not a thing will be. None is as blind as the one who refuses to see.

When you go against nature, you go against your best interest. You can only get to where you want to go from where you are. We have been cast in our role; what we do now is act it out.

BORN TO BE YOU NOT ME

I say, be the best person that you can be, is the only person that you can. You remember the person, the real you. Let no one tell you who you should be because ultimately, you answer to no one but you. No one can know you the way you know you. So do not let them think they do.

BORN TO THINK LEARN TO THINK BETTER

attractions or distractions you be the judge

“What Distracts You The Most Is Your Mind”

Black Ballerinas
Attraction for me may be distraction for you

Attractions or distractions, you be the judge. There are reasons why you let things distract you, even when you do not know why. When you are distracted, it can be good, or not good at all. It depends on your thoughts and how you are thinking them. If a thing distracts you when you have good thoughts, it likely is not good. If you are distracted when your thoughts are not good, the distraction could be welcomed and a relief. It is the thinking that you do afterward that makes the difference in what you do next. So, it is not all about distraction. There should be more in our lives that we are attracted to than not. And there are several cautions that will be in your best interest to remember.

When you find a person, place, or even a “thing” attractive to you, it opens a “one-way” channel for your feelings. It is not a distraction—it is an attraction. It is by way of a preference we all have for that which “pulls” us in. We are attracted to people, places, and things that are attractive to us. But what turns me on may not do a thing for you. It is not by us; it is in us.

Attractions lead to desire, and it is from this point where how you feel, and act will decide the outcome. Here is where a misinterpretation of the circumstance is likely to occur. Is it real, or is it the imagination with a heavy dose of fantasy? An image created to take your mind for a ride.

the road leads back to you

step right up

Since the advent of modern-day marketing, lines are blurred, and it is difficult for many to know what they are attracted to or not. Is it unfettered attraction, or have you been led to think—by suggestion—what you find attractive. What you think you feel may be the hype and manipulation of the marketing machine. Just as in relationships, what you think you see may not be that at all. When you peel away the veneer, you realize it was just an illusion, a trick to gain your attention. There is truly little that is what it seems to be; do you really know what is in that? You can “read the label” and still not know.

attractions 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 or not

It has all come down to us against them. As has been put forth by the cautionary rule, “Let the buyer beware.” Is this person, place, or thing just another someone or something made up to draw you in to seal the deal? And then it is a wrap. These objects of attraction are like magnets; they draw you in when the wise thing would be to maintain your distance. Some will forgo all the signs to the contrary and plunge headfirst into the swirl of promotions, sales gimmicks, and marketing gadgets. The techniques are not exclusive to business concerns. There are men and women of all levels of society just as adept.

sex appeal

Though we can be attracted to many things, the intense feelings you can have for the opposite sex tugs at your emotions and can play havoc with your mind. You must decide, for no one can do it for you if the feeling is actionable. Or just the result of your life circumstance; loneliness, for example. The answer comes, and you must know it when it does, for it is not always so apparent. And there are those times when the intent is to deceive. Another word for that is a setup. One should know the difference, for it could be a life saver. You should take the first step in only after an invitation to do so.

attractions distractions a frustrating mess

You are the gatekeeper of your mind, so you must know what to allow in your head.

When you are attracted to the object of your desire, the mind tends to go on a flight of fantasy. And before you know it, if you are not grounded in reality, you will take off into the unknown. As is often the case, it may turn out to be something/someone you should walk away from rather than to venture closer. Much of this you may already know from firsthand knowledge; if so, treat this as just a reminder.

We base our preferences on how we view our wants and desires. They are subject to change as our mind goes from one thought to another. It depends on what is there to think about and what this does to how you feel. So, this is a consideration that you must give before losing yourself in the excitement of this most powerful force of attraction. It draws you in rather than pushes you away. Far too many, to their detriment, are distracted by their attractions.

What distracts some the most is when they think about what they believe others think about them. And, of course, it is how you think. So, then they try a never-ending effort to change things about themselves that cannot or should not be changed. They change how they dress, how they speak, and yes, even their face. In their effort to cover up what they think is a not so nicely shaped nose, cheekbones, eyes, skin tone, or other believed to be flaws, some apply cosmetics of all kinds to the point where those who know them feel forced to lie and say they look natural and so becoming. It is not a nice thing to do to your friends and loved ones.

MAKEUP IS FINE FOR THE RIGHT REASON

ATTRACTION or distraction

Do it because you want to not because you think you have to.

on your way out

Remember this, a change in makeup will not change who you are. The Self is your makeup. It is the soul of a person, it is who you are, and it does not change. New makeup is not what you need. An overhaul of how you think is what you need and will take care of any feelings of inadequacy, if there are any. It will change how you feel, which will change how you act and view the world around you. Let how you act be the face that you show the world. You should not depend on your looks to speak for you. Your outer person is only there to compliment who you are and not to be the complete representation of you.

Makeup and a getup (outfit) will not keep you up, forever: How you think can. When how you look does not match your inner Self, it creates pressure. You then must try to act the way you look. The real you can only come out when the outside is inside. How you feel, then, depends on how you look, and with time the looks will change right before your eyes. Try as hard as you might—your looks will not remain the same. They will lose a step to age. No one can march against time. The hands on the “clock” can standstill; the hands of time will not. And the struggle with who you see in the mirror is just as futile.

You fool no one when you try to hide, and there is no cover-up to make up for the difference. It is how you think and how you think leads the way to what you do next. To change how you feel about yourself, you have to change how you think about yourself. You have done too much, though, when what you do have you looking like who you are not—even worse—to act the same. We can see you and so can you when you look.

A race against yourself can never be won

dependent thinking has no place to go

Dependent with no place to go

Dependent state of mind. It is talking to you. Should you listen? To understand what comes next, you must become a part of what you hear when you read. But you do have to listen to what you hear. They are not the same. You must put forward the effort to listen, hearing you do not. It has to sink in and be what you want to do, not what you are told to do.

“It is what got me here and would not let me leave until it carried me away.”

If you want to listen to what I have to say, then say what you have to say. Nothing but the truth is the only way we can understand who we are and how we feel. Now is the time. Fill in the blanks, if only in your mind.

My name is __________and I live in___________. I am__________. My______________. I now realize that_________. And it is because____________. When I was growing up my_______. I got_________. Why________. There are times when________. I have tried_________. No one________. I need________. If_________. Then________. They__________. It_________. I am open to__________. I just feel________ I think_________.

Dependent or not, much of what I say may not be clear to you on first reading. But it will all be clear to you once you understand. It may take more than just a glance; we do not always understand the “new” when we first look. And this is change. What we think we know is not all there is. What you read here, and if so inclined, listen to, is just another way to look at life. If you are dependent on anyone, or you have been, you will see yourself and understand. It is not a story. What you see is the truth. There are two characters: You and I. There is a reason why our lives are the way they are. No matter how you live, a dependent state of mind only grows until you think it away.

It keeps me from sinking, but it doesn’t allow me to swim. 

You can only tread water for so long. You have to swim, or you will sink. And you must know how to swim. Someone must teach you: few of us learn on our own. When you refuse to give in to defeat, you do your best at learning from what you think about what you see. And what we see may not always be what we think it is. But until you know, say so.

Dependent with no one to depend on

depend on me says teddy

It all begins with a walk through the mind. At some point, many will become dependent on others. They are not soon to realize the gravity of this burden until they are bowed by its weight. You are now where you need help to help yourself. What is this, you will say to yourself and find it depressing even to have to ask? I never knew that I thought this way, you will think. One thing you will know without delay, it is a sign of weakness. Looking back over your life, you realize it is nothing new. It is your background and upbringing that was a breeding ground for this type of behavior. And what was set in motion then still gets in your way today.

Once the dependent mindset comes to life in the mind, it will tug on you for many years to come. It will hold you back and become a way of life. And many of your choices are made with this way of thinking. You reach for the quick and easy. You will do that when you are willing to settle for less than your best. And you pay for it by letting go of what dignity you have left. And you know, the independent things you did when you were growing up could not help you overcome the weakness in you. It was all deep down inside. It held on and would not let go. No doubt you have had accomplishments and did not have the mind to hold on to them. Employment, marriage, leadership, and positions of respect all of it, you have let or is letting slip away.

Do not do it; not a day longer.

Nothing has seemed to change your dependent way of thinking. It could be you who win just to lose on purpose, unaware or refusing to be aware. I don’t know, just a thought. It is a thought worth thinking that no one would put forth the effort to win and then lose on purpose. Your mind—yet again—telling you what to do. When you should have been the one doing the talking and telling your mind who’s the boss. You did not do the best for yourself, and it was all caused by your insecure feelings and low self-esteem, which had always been there. It—in turn—caused you to think in ways that made no sense. You did not have the space to learn to love yourself. You do not hurt that which you love. And hurt is what you were doing.

Hurting is the reason for it all. You need to feel loved to give love.

When your roots are planted in loose soil, it will cause you to feel uncertain about who you are. All you can do is search for something to hold on to, to keep from blowing in the wind. Only a drive to survive is what you own. And one day, you open your eyes. It is then that you realize you have become dependent on those around you. It got the best of you and drove you to the wall.

When you live your life this way, you always have to keep the edge—stay in control—which you cannot do. When you let go of your grip and try to be yourself, your advantage will give way, and so will your hold. You have to be yourself first because that is who you are, and in doing so there is no need for control. When we are not being who we are, it will not be us, they know. If you have not had this experience, think about what it would be like for those who have. The hunter is now the game. Do not think your “Self” into the grip of dependency. Though there are aspects of life that must be as we expect them to be. We depend on this as we do life itself. It is nature’s way, as intended.

now you do as i say

dependency a frustrating mess

Now you see it, now you don’t. It was an illusion.

To depend on is a way of life. The way it is meant to be. To be dependent on a person, place, or thing is just a way to say I quit. It shows a lack of “Self” awareness.

You should never think you cannot accomplish on your own. That you need the help of someone else just to be whole. It is not how anyone should live. Never think you have no choice. In a relationship, on the job, or any other time or place, you have to feel free to be you. We have the right to be who we are. Our role in life depends on it. We can be no one else. You only do this when you find it hard for whatever reason to be yourself. No one can know who you are when you do not know yourself. How can they? Though they will try, with your help, to tell you who you are. If ever we stray from our SELF, we must find our way back. There is no other way to look at it.

We can search, but we will not find a thing more important to us than being aware of the Self. If not, we cannot have reliable expectations of what life has in store for us.

You are the only one who can say who you are

Our world has to be made ready for us before we arrive. We are born for others to take care of us. It is to be that way—that is—until we can take care of ourselves. To do so, we have to be made ready. These are the things that we get from those who are responsible for our care. If we do not, our life can be a difficult road to travel. And no one will be eager to help if they think you should already know what you do not. Many will see this as your fault—the person who this lack of care and guidance has hurt. That is unless they have a reason to care. Not at all, though, if they feel they have no choice but to do so.

You cannot lift yourself up when your mind is holding you down. To be dependent when you should not be is not a good thing to be. But, it is what you do when you do not have confidence in yourself. It will not let you grow. You can be in a relationship where you are being held back by how you think your thoughts, not knowing what would cross the line that you know is there, if you could muster the strength to be you. All along, you are feeling your status is in doubt. And of course how could you think otherwise.

Depend not on a source when you do not know what you give for what you get. Simply put, this means when someone is helping you, and you do not understand why. For that which you are not sure, not a thing about it can be for sure. There is not much we can be sure of when we are not sure of Self.

From Self to Self

When you are dependent, you do not know if your feelings are true, or you are just trying to survive. You do what you think you must do while all the time painfully bound by your status. You don’t know if you should draw a breath when you are unsure if you should breathe. In times such as this, your thinking will be disordered. It caused you to think yourself into this. It would be another step like the other steps that got you here. You do not want to leave, but you cannot stay. You, at last, hear your Self calling. And you must listen to what you hear. It was the only way to be you. There is no room for you there.

dependent thinking has no place to go

where there is a need there is a way

We do have to depend on life for what we need. It is one of the rules of nature. It is how we survive. To depend and to be dependent on are not the same. One we must and the other we should try with all our might not to be.

Light Skin vs. Dark Skin why a choice

Black Women of Different Skin Tones 1-9-15
LIGHT TO DARK DARK TO LIGHT

Light Skin Dark Skin Mixed

MY RESPONSE TO A NATIONAL PUBLICATION ON COLORISM

The author speaks of colorism among Black folks in this country—well, I have news for her. It is no different wherever there are Blacks who are the descendants of slaves, having a range of melanin and pigmentation, hair texture from nappy to bone straight, and other attributes and characteristics that you would expect from the rape and ravaging of the Black woman. Combine this with the natural and expected inclination to want to imitate in ways possible the actual or perceived attributes of those who hold the ultimate power; you get colorism.

HISTORY TELLS ITS OWN STORY

White, for many worldwide, has more worth in society than other “colors.” And for some Blacks—with our inherited history—lean toward, though, not fully embrace, this type of thinking. Three hundred years is an awfully long time to be dominated: Enslaved if you will. There is no way it could be otherwise. It would defy every realm of psychology and what we know about the brain and memory.  

What is prized is what is wanted; if you have it and others do not, you know it, and they do as well. And it all stems from the enslavement of Blacks. First, the physical our ancestors had to endure, and just as damaging, if not even more, the inherited mental damage to the lineage born after that. History tells its own story.

Furthermore, and most significantly for most of the occupied earth, and at times, it feels like it could extend to other planets, is that Blacks do not have that essence of beauty. Unless, however, we border on having “European” features. Until not too long ago, most if not all of the countries in Africa were colonies of White countries. First, they lost control of the continent then started to lose their identity. Now the women—I am sure some men—are bleaching their skin, and the women and girls are straightening their hair and wearing weaves and wigs. They have been adopting the “white look” for some time, and it is now expected. But no less disturbing. You never become numb to seeing it. 

For us, the Blacks in America, what are the features and attributes that would be enough to classify us—a group of people—as a race. Yes, I said group. And at what point or dividing line would this change our classification. We, as Black folks, do not have our own name; we did not all come from the same place in Africa, and most of us do not know our ancestral roots. Many of us are the offspring of ancestors who themselves were the offspring of a bred in miscegenation and so we are of different shades and hues. Some of us grew up in a different family life—in different “worlds” because of the differences.

Black folks are light skin, dark skin, and all of the shades in between.

LIGHT BRIGHT AND DAMN NEAR WHITE

Light to Dark and all Black

There are just as many who do not share a common worldview, so I ask, how can we be expected to think or act as a group consistently over time lockstep. That is just asking too much. It is not going to happen. Color difference, skin tone, and, yes, hair texture—which presents a psychological and physical challenge for most Blacks—are used to classify and judge us the world over. It is what it is. And we—as descendants of slaves whose bodies were the property of others, who lost our combined identity—became divided as the result of the sexual desire of the master and his drive for the comforts of wealth.

Light Skin: A Story My Mother Told Me

The train ride home, in many ways, would signal some of what was to come from an unexpected source. As my mother tells it, she was cradling me in her arms. Just as you would expect a new mother would. And easing up to her side, in this segregated train, a nice White woman could not let her need to know hold her back. I guess looking was not quite enough for her. She had to know why my mother had a White baby in her arms. I must have been a tad lighter then, or it could have been my skin next to my mother’s much darker complexion that gave this appearance. Maybe this is what gave me a white enough look that this dear woman could not resist.

My father and mother are Black, just as I am. We have a past where the female of our race was not allowed to say no to the plantation boss. For this reason, some Black folks are more black than others are. It is the same with the way we think, for some. We run the color wheel from cold black to almost white. For me, as it is with many Blacks, one parent—my mother—was dark(brown)-skinned, and my father is light, exceptionally light. Hard feelings and just plain old hate as the result of this kind of setup is guaranteed. For sure, when a light-skin offspring is the result of this kind of coupling. It is just another level of complication when there should be none.

It began with a boat ride, or should I say ship. It has been complicated for Blacks from the first time we set foot on soil that was not Africa.

And of course, the complete control over the Black female by the White master allowed him to use our women, and in many instances our men, as they willed. When you see this, you will see dissension. The shade of a Black person’s skin made a difference then, and as so stated, it makes a difference in the Black community to this day. It is an issue. It is a type of tension that kind of simmers and will often boil to the top; stopping just short of the tipping point. I have had to fend off a number of attacks–verbal and physical–from my own people. Needless to say and with regret, they were darker skinned. Now that is a hell of a thing. Some were so upset with my skin tone that they flung the yellow m_ _ _ _ _f_ _ _ _ _ _. word my way.

There are times when a truce and an uneasy alliance is all you can get. It is the old light skin vs. dark skin, with the light skin as the winner, in most cases. That is what is thought by those who do not know our history or choose to ignore it for insecure reasons. But who is counting. We are on the run. It is what the mind can be made to believe. You never know which way to turn. So, you turn on the one closest to you. That would be your Self.

One thing that has always been—as far as we know—is free will. We like what we like and should have the right to do so. And as it relates to mates, the love for the yellow bone has not changed. They were a prize from when the first one was created by the White man and Black woman. Now the Black man and White woman are creating their very own. It should have been expected.

There is no right or wrong when it comes to mating and whom you choose to mate with; it is simple as that. My body, my choice. Why not when you have one. I see not a thing wrong with that if mating is not forced as was done to us. It is what it is, and it was handed to us. It was all born in slavery and lives on in us. All there is comes from what was. It is called history. We can deny it, but we will not change it. Black men saw and, of course, could do nothing about the White man taking and raping the Black woman and girls, at will.

BEAUTIFUL BLACK WOMEN AND GIRLS

LIGHT BRIGHT AND DAMN NEAR WHITE

When the plantation owner/slave master so desired, he would rape the wives and daughters of the defenseless man slaves: his cruelty had no end. So, the desire to do the same with the White woman grew each time a “yellow bone” was born. For it reminded the Black man of what the White man had done to and with his own. And as an inevitable consequence, it created a desire in the Black man for the light, bright and White. So, the White man, through his actions, planted the seed deep in the Black man’s psyche, and from that inauspicious beginning, the thought of the forbidden fruit with its allure, would grow and sprout into action from the Black man’s mind.

HAPPY HAPPY FAMILY

THE HUMAN RACE

If you are mad at me for what I have written, it only means you do not understand what I wrote. If you want me to explain, just ask.

The legacy of slavery is real

touch me feel me come with me

Tools for Life

The Sense of Touch

Touch is the first of the five senses to develop in the womb and, thereon, plays an essential role in our everyday life and even in our existence. While the other four senses (sight, hearing, smell, and taste) are in specific parts of the body, the sense of touch is all over. A nerve, also known as a sensory neuron, comes from every part of the body to carry impulses to the brain or spinal cord concerning the condition of the body. Within the body, the nerves are like the branches of a tree. They run to every part of the body, from the soles of the feet to the top of the scalp and from just below the skin to the inner organs such as the heart, liver, and lungs. They give us information about the things with which our body comes in contact. And body to body contact is one of those things.

Skin Deep
Skin Deep

The skin is the largest organ in the body. The nerve endings in our skin tell us what we feel, physically. The skin is a feeler. It is the organ used by the body for touching. Some areas of the body are more sensitive than other parts because they have more nerve endings. The body’s most sensitive areas are our hands, lips, face, neck, tongue, fingertips, feet, and the vaginal and groin area. Women tend to have a better sense of touch due to smaller finger size. All they need to do, in my opinion, is to use them more often, as should men. The body is more sensitive in different areas for a reason. We detect if something is squishy, wet, juicy, smooth, rough, hard, or soft through the sense of touch.

If you are normal, with no hang-ups, it feels good to be touched by those who want to touch you.

But of course, if someone touches you and it is not the touch you want or the right time, that is different. It can be a very unpleasant feeling, to say the least. It can cause you to react in a very unpredictable way, as you know. It usually does not end well. Or what is worst, you say nothing to the offender. You have to be the master of your world to be in touch with your Self. So, do not be touched when you wish not to be. The most intimate senses, of course, are the sense of smell and touch. So, when you feel it, you will know it. And who would have ever thought that there would come a day when there has to be a national campaign to let people know it is OK, even a good thing, to touch again.

This nonsense, if nothing else, tells us that political correctness has become a caricature. It is making fun of itself.

There are married couples, would you believe, that go for years and never touch each other. Some take it a step further and sleep in separate beds in different rooms. Now that is bad and is not good for any reason. We know some of the best touching goes on under the sheets. Touch, in this scenario, is likely the last sense we use just before we taste it. What about those taste buds on that tongue. You may see it, you may hear it, you may smell it, but when you touch it, you know it is real. Just as with love. “I want a love I can feel the only kind of love I know is real.”

To Be Touched
To Be Touched

There is nothing more real than the feel of the human body. That is when I know that you are there. To move your hands slowly and circuitously from the crown of the head to the bottom of the feet, on the way taking in the hills, the valleys and sweeping the curves. Around the toes making sure to spread them apart gently using each of your fingers, size appropriate, between each toe. Reaching and stretching to softly massage the “fat meat.” All the time, the scent beckons you to the honeypot. It is the smell of nature’s pearl. There is no better feel or smell than that of a freshly washed body—not just any body—where there are no cover-ups, no fancy displays, and adornments.

Now some like it a little sweated up from the start, after exercise, or some other activity when the “funk” is high. But however you like it, you know it is right when all you hear is the silent call of desire. A whisper though no word has been spoken.

The body has a language of its own. It tells you what it feels. The back will arch, the thighs will flex and tense, and the mound of Venus will quiver ever so slightly. And under the hood wishes to set free.

The body prepares itself for the man and woman as the brain directs the fuel of life to areas that say, I need you now. The juice flows, the tide rises, and the boat floats. All is ready. You move to be received. There is an ache of desire and a flame of passion that blinds the eyes, for we need not see. All comes from a thought, a smell, and the human touch. You are in another world though you have not left the one you are in now. It is a free fall as you pass yourself and leave your heart behind. Touch the taste of the body sweet. And find me where the minds meet.

Touch has a tremendous impact on most animals’ physical and psychological well-being. Our skin containing sensory receptors allows us to identify several distinct types of sensations. Numerous studies of humans and other animals have shown that touch greatly impacts how we develop physically and respond to the world mentally. So, this leads me to talk a little Sigmund Freud, “the father of sex,” and his theory. This one relates to touch, and I have my own experience from childhood that illustrates his approach. It also has to do with breastfeeding.

And I have just a little to say about what I remember of being aroused for the first time. Though likely, it was not the first, just the first that I was old enough to remember. I guess I was about, I don’t know, maybe three.

But first, let’s talk breastfeeding

In the first eight to twelve months of your life, a baby is often frustrated in their need to suckle. This can be because Mother is uncomfortable or even rough with the baby or tries to wean too early. Then the baby may develop an oral-passive character. Now, remember this is coming from Freud. An oral-passive personality tends to be rather dependent on others. They often retain an interest in “oral gratifications” such as eating, drinking, and smoking. It is as if they were seeking the pleasures they missed in infancy. He just may be on to something here.

Only Food Produced by The Body
Only Food Produced by The Body

Touch with YOUR lips no teeth please

When we are between five and eight months old, we begin teething. One satisfying thing to do when you are teething is to bite on something. Your Mother’s nipple, for example, is one of the things you find tempting. If this causes a great deal of upset and precipitates an early weaning, you may develop an oral-aggressive personality. These people retain a life-long desire to bite on things, such as pencils, gum, and other people. They also tend to be verbally aggressive, argumentative, sarcastic, and so on. I do not know about that, but I know about this. Or should I say what I was told. Not by my mother but by a person who seemed to know everything and everybody and known as the neighborhood’s “head gossiper.” She was an aunt and lived next door when I was a child.

My aunt told me that my mother would come to where I lived and breastfeed me. She did not say how often. I did not live with my mother or my dad. I lived with my dad’s sister and her husband. And on this one day, while my mother was nursing me, I did the unthinkable. I bit my mother’s nipple off, yes, that’s right, off. I must have been angry. Each time my mother left, I am sure I felt abandoned. Abandonment is another one of Freud’s theories. Knowing what I know now, I understand. She did not have much to choose from the choices she had made. And her options were limited for we know: IT IS HOW YOU THINK

did I do that

I do not recall any of this, nor do I know that it actually happened. But I could see myself doing what I was told that I did. With a beginning like mine, who would not be upset and sad at the same time. And likely quite hungry. If my aunt had not told me this, I would have never known. As my aunt so gleefully told me, I just opened wide and chomped down on my mother’s nipple. It appeared to Freud that the infant found its greatest pleasure in sucking, especially at the breast. Though, I have never seen where he addressed nipple mutilation by an infant/toddler. If that is indeed what occurred.

Before I wind things down on the sense of touch, it would be remiss of me not to say a little something about sex. And as I mentioned, Freud was—if nothing else—the self-anointed sex master. For Freud, the sex drive is the most important motivating force. In fact, for him, everything, all of our actions and thoughts, somehow has its roots in our sexuality. Freud felt it was the primary motivating force not only for adults but for children and even infants. He was not bashful about promoting his theories and the public in Vienna—where he introduced his ideas—was more than a little shocked. These were not the most enlightened times.

Touch and Orgasm

The capacity for orgasm from a neurological sense is there from birth; this is true. But Freud was talking about more than orgasm. Sexuality meant not only intercourse, but also all pleasurable sensation from the skin. It is clear that babies, children, and, of course, adults, enjoy being touched, caressed, kissed, and so on. Freud noted that different parts of our skin give us the greatest pleasure at different times in our lives. Later theorists would call these areas erogenous zones. Now let us move on to my arousal.

MY FIRST MEMORY OF BEING TURNED ON

I remember my aunt giving my cousin and me baths in a number 3 size washtub. She is a year older than I am and always acted much older than her age. My body and mind, at the age of three, or maybe it was four, did not know any difference between what I saw and what I was feeling. It was all the same and had no label. The last bath of this kind was when my aunt noticed my aroused state, and the routine came to a sudden stop. As if a warning sign popped up in her head.

Here is the rest of the story

My aunt would sometimes keep me when her sister, my aunt (who would become mother by adoption), I lived with, was at work. So I am sure the coed bathing had gone on for a while. And I can only imagine how overworked my sense of sight must have been, and I am all but sure a touch here and there as well.  None of it lasted long enough for me. As with most things in a young mind, the feelings moved on after that dreadful day. There was no carryover of feelings for my cousin; of course, I did not know what a cousin was at my age. I was just getting in touch with my feelings. It was just sensual, not a thing personal about it. It could have been anyone. The feeling would not have changed.

Hearing the bad news of no more baths in the #3 tub with my tub mate, I did what a small child with big feelings would do, I acted my age, crying and throwing a fit. I ran under the house to hide, which I would do when I did not get my way. Acting out when I could not is something that would hound me for years to come. Of course, I no longer sought refuge under the house. But I would still react in a not-so-nice way when someone did not agree with me. Though, who among us would not be upset to have your pleasure snatched from you — as you were enjoying it no less. Then or anytime would be just as cruel.

It is a shock to your system with no warning or prior notice, much like it would feel turning over in the middle of the night aroused by the onset of desire: And guess what, you reach for your love mate, husband, girlfriend, boyfriend, or wife and what you expect is not what you get. The body says, not tonight, I am not in the mood.

I cannot say that I understood what was happening to me. But what I did know is that I had lost something that feels good. To touch and be touched is universal; there is no equal. It is how our souls truly connect. Without it, where would we be? A lonesome soul is what you would have.

NOT THE THOUGHT AS MUCH AS HOW YOU THINK IT

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