What is it that makes time so important? Why do we speak about it like no other. There are times what we say about time does not make sense. It is time, your time, my time, what time is it, now is the time. You will not know when it is time to do a thing until it is done. How many times have you said it is time and it was not? If it has become a reality, then it was the time. One thing is for sure; we live for time. Without it, there would be no space for things to go. Time is space. And all things that exist do so in space. There has to be room to exist. Space was here when we arrived. We are the occupiers. We do not touch space. We only move around in it. We live when it is given.
Time, as we know it, is a concept of “man.” And many cut their time short because their minds will not let them be. You would certainly think that is what I have tried to do. I was known for being where the action was. Where it was not, I would get it done, the good and not-so-good. Was it being at the right place at the right time? Or was it just being there when it happened because that is where my life put me? What about making it happen at the right time? Either way, I was there. From childhood, my life has been on a trajectory. This is so even when at the wrong place at the wrong time. It seemed I had been along for the ride, or better put, tortuous journey. There were countless times when I felt on the outside, looking in. I wanted and tried so desperately to help me. Guiding the vessel when I could.
No matter what time it is, time does not change. What happens in the space of time does. Time is not changing; we are. For you and me, it is personal. It starts for each of us when our parents create us and is not shared. You cannot lend, nor can you borrow time. And your time is the only time you will have. More time will not be given when we have no more. Time, though, is not as important as what we do with it. When you think of the time you have, the first thing you should think of is what you will do with it. What is just as important is how you feel while doing it. To get the most from the time we have been given, we must understand what it is and how to use it wisely. The longer it takes to know what to do, the less time you have to do it. Because for sure, you will not get it back. Our life moves on even when our mind does not. You can “live” in the past in your mind. You cannot be there.
There are two kinds of time in my way of thinking. It is the time given to each of us—our own time—and universal time/space, which is the greatest of all; it was created to do nothing. It does not change. It may be clearer if it is thought of in terms of the world as we know it thus far. There are seven world time zones. The United States uses nine standard zones. Therefore, the question is, what time is the right time? With every area of the world having its own time zones, how can you know what time it is? Neither of them is correct when next to the other. A time that can change is invented by man. It is never the same and is not correct. The time that is, which is the time of nature, will always be. If we had the power over the nature of time, what would we do with it—where would we put it? Would we add a little here and take a little there? For sure, it would be the final step to the end.
You should not make your decisions based on time. Time will not accomplish a thing on its own. Decide what you want to do, then make time to do it. This should be the order of how we decide. No matter how much time you have, if you do not know what you will do with it, you will not know how much you need. What matters is how you are going to fill the space. If you bake a cake for the required time but use the wrong ingredients, you will not get the cake you want. What you would have, then, is a cake you cannot eat and time you no longer have. This time was your time. Let us take a look at nature’s time. In a room, there are things. They come and go; some are added some are removed. It makes no difference what time these things are moved or changed; the space does not. Time is space. And there is a time for all things.
What clock do you watch to know what time it is?
The segmentation of time was born by us. The clock on the wall has less to do with the outcome than what we do. The concept of our view of time was imposed on us by us. All things live by the time and will of nature. However, we are the ones who live by the clock. We do need it to keep things in order. To know why we are where we are at all times. It is a means to know the ebb and flow of life. It is a way to monitor and control how and when things are done. It is one of the things a society must do.
A system of time for each of us starts when life starts. There is a time to be born, a time to live, and a time to move on to the other side. Once we are, there is a time for all things. We do not know the future. We do live for the promise. We do not control time. But, for the most part, we do have control over how we spend our time and live our life. Time does not change. Things happen. It will be the same no matter the clock on the wall. Time is whole, as it is with space. We will not divide it. There is but one time, and it is the same all the time. It is life, it is nature, and it is one.
We may ask for much from time, but time does not give. The question asked most is for more. Time will not answer. It is not moved by what we have to say. It stands still. Doing what it does best, nothing. Though we do plenty to fill in the space. We cannot stop it, slow it down, or speed it up. Nor can we waste it. The thing that we can do with time is live it. When there is no more time, there is no more to live. We do not start it over. Time goes on. Our time does not. Live your time; it is yours only. We cannot get it back once it is gone.
Time for everything was here before us and shall be when we are gone. So it will be for all time. It is the only thing out of all things that we can depend on. If all things are removed, what is left is the space of time. There is never a void in time. It has been full from the start. In the beginning, there was space for all things. That has not changed.
We are the master of the time we have. Each of us has been blessed with a lifetime. All lives are one. No two are the same. Not one breathes the same breath. Depending on the circumstance, we decide what to do with our lives. This tells the type of life we will have and the path we will follow. As straight as this may be, many do not understand this simple truth. They still try—but can never succeed—to live their lives for and through others. The only thing you do when you do this is live your time away. Live it, do not live it away. Your time is the only time you have. Do not say I cannot do it for me. I will let someone else do it. No one can do for you what only you can do for yourself.
You never know how much time you have left to use the time you have. Therefore, time should always be put to its best use. When you do not know what to do next, do what you know now. Your next step should never be rushed or forced. We can never breathe the next breath. It is not for us to know it all. It is for us to understand what we need to know. The time of man is not precise. When a thing will be can never be known. Just as it can never be known when it will not, all that we can do is plan. The future is not ours to know. It can be over just when we think we do.
Not a thing that was created not to be changed can be changed. The existence of life is one of them. If this is not so, who would turn off the lights after we know how and there is no more to see? It is not within our reach. We, humans, did not create life. It created us. We will not change the nature of life—it was designed to produce. It is not for us to do. The pattern was cut for us.
We will be learning about how we think and the workings of the brain as long as there is a power of thought. There can be no end. There will always be much left to learn, just as it is with life. It is a lofty goal to want to know why there is life. To think we can know this reveals much about how we think. And it is a road with no end, as well. We are yet to discover why one would take a life. To indicate how far we are from these incredible feats, researchers who study the brain are still trying to figure out why we sleep. Sleep: a thing that seems so basic to know. We have dreams, and no one knows why. Time is what we need, and we know we have that. What we do not and will not know is how much.
You do not know how good a thought is until you know how good it was. Thoughts keep the mind busy and give it what it needs to think. Thinking is what you have to do before you act. You may say that you were not thinking when you did what you should not have done, but that is not possible. It may be that you did not think long enough or did not have the right thoughts to think and, therefore, did the wrong thing.
Regret and disappointment are just two examples of what can happen when you do not think your thoughts through—there can certainly be more severe consequences. We think for a reason. The reason is our thoughts. Not all thoughts are good for you to think. A thought of things that—if acted on—would do harm is one of them.
Once you have a thought, do not try to pretend you did not, even though it is a thought that is unpleasant to think about. You must place the thought where it now belongs without thinking another thought about it. And that place would be your memory. The best way to do that is to have better thoughts to think. This could mean, and usually does, that you have to change what your thoughts are based on. The substance of our thoughts comes from our perception of what is in our world, what is around us—all that is within reach of the mind and imagination—the people, places, and things in our lives.
u have a thought based on your perception, and perception—simply put— is how we view our world, be it near are far away. If you are aware of it, it is in your “environment.” We can only have thoughts or think about those things we are aware of. If you don’t know about it, you cannot think about it.
If you feel a certain way and you rather not, you have to change how you think by having different thoughts to think. You either have something else to think about, or you must change your perception of what is in your world to think. You have to change your mind. For if you do not, you will continue to live your life as you have always done; misconceiving, making premature moves, and devising unworkable solutions to perceived problems.
When how you think is causing a problem with how you feel and act, it is time for a change. This could mean a change in your relationship with others, or you may need to change where you work or live. It is difficult to change how you think when your thinking comes from your perception of how you are treated where you work, live, or sleep. Yes, some or all of these could be the change that you need. There is one thing for sure; you can only have thoughts about the things you have to think about, which would be those things that are a part of your life.
You will not be running away. Instead, you will be moving closer to your Self. For it is how you think. And how you think is how you will act.
“To tell a person what to think will not teach them how to think. We are how we think.”
Here is where you should be if you or you know someone who has ever lived with the hurt and pain that only a dysfunctional childhood and emotional trauma can breed. The seed is planted and grows from family life— no matter its makeup—that does not provide the nurturing, caring, and protection to produce a healthy mind. Childhood must be a safe and loving place to grow strong of mind and character.
You may ask, as many do, why you feel the way you do. When not all is right, and you think it should be, and you see no reason it should not, disordered thinking is the cause of your anguish. When how you think is disordered, it will take you further away from your true Self. The mind now has a mind of its own. It is making decisions without you. There is no time or place that this should be. You are the master of your mind and must always be in charge of you. Being in charge of yourself is not to be confused with self-control. Self-control is not a goal to strive for; the Self should never be out of control. Self-awareness will win the day if all is well with your thinking parts.
There is but one stage of your life where your mind will take leave of you. It stems from early childhood trauma and a dysfunctional family life, which allows you few good thoughts to think. And how you think today has its roots in what happened to you “yesterday.” I will show you why and how this might happen. And there will be times when I will do this in a not-so-conventional way. It does not mean that I have strayed; it merely says that the road back to Self will, at times, be without a marker.
You will not hide your true feelings for long. Some try to do so by self-control. This is not the answer. It takes an effort that pits your mind against your own Self to do so. Life is all about being who you are, the real you. You can only control your Self for a short time. Any effort to do more will produce no better results. At this point, your control will lose its grip, and your hold will give way. That is when you will act the way you really feel. This is what you are trying to hide when you use self-control. It happens when a thing you have worked for is at stake, and it is close at hand. If it does or not, what is for sure, you will lose self-control at some time or place.
You must strive to be self-aware. You will not lose it once you have it. To be self-aware is to know who you are. It is your core. It is the Self.
Some of what I say could cause you—when you first read it—to question how it applies to how you think. And my answer will be that everything you do requires you to think. My words will challenge some of the things you have come to believe as certain truths. It will take you up, around, and back, but the steps will lead back to you. Where the road leads, we will follow. You must know how you think to think better. You must always know what is on your mind. There is no wrong to be said here; it will be how you think and feel about what you see. Who are you? Do you really know? Are you, you, or are you the product of someone else’s invention?
Through this blog, I will address many issues around why we all think the way we do. We will see how changing how you think will change how you feel and relate to the people, places, and things in your life. And you will see how becoming the “true” person you are meant to be will give you the vision to see what is, not what you may have thought it to be. You will better understand your thoughts and thinking process just as I have come to know the real me. I am talking about the person I was created to be. Because, for sure, you have to be you, and I have to be me. When you try to be someone you are not, you are no one until you find yourself again. How we think is what makes life better or worse.
What is done here will not only better the lives of those who follow “It Is How You Think,” but it will also touch those who are touched by those who do. My goal is to give you the tools to help you change how you think, therefore, how you feel and act. It is a new day and a new way. If you, a family member, or a friend has been touched in any way by childhood trauma or otherwise mishandled by others, this is the place to be.
What is here—if you listen—will take you where you did not know that you had ever been. It will help you see where you thought you were, is not where you were at all. It is about change: a change in how you think. You will find no words here formed that will tell you what to think. Before help can help you, you must help your Self. No therapy, counseling, or medication will be effective until you do. When I say you, I am talking about the Self, your Self, her Self, and him Self. All of the “Selves who need to find their way back.”
The Self is your core; it is your soul—it is the essence of you. It is where you go to be your Self. A place you would never leave willingly. Our power and strength come from our Self. It is how we survive through the worst of times. If the ways of life have forced you away, it is your choice to go back. First, though, you must have the will to do so. It is not an easy thing to do until you know how. And nothing is hard to do. You just do not know how to do it yet. Now you will know.
From Self to Self is when you have achieved an enlightened way of thinking, if that is your destiny. It is not so much what is done to you as it is what you do for yourself that determines what your life will be. You have to change your way of thinking to get in touch with you. The best that you can ever be is to be you. You must always be true to Self. Never do a thing to take away from who you are. But first, you must know.
What we do here will clear the clutter from your mind. It will guide you through what it takes to live a better life by examining and understanding your thoughts and how to think them. I will illustrate and make clear how disordered thinking is the root cause of negative feelings and behavior. You will see your Self as it is, not how you may have thought it to be. You will relate to and recognize a part of yourself that you have only known in passing.
If you listen, it will open up a way of thinking that will allow you to become the complete person you wish to be. The real you. Welcome home.
Dependent state of mind. It is talking to you. Should you listen? To understand what comes next, you must become a part of what you hear when you read. But you do have to listen to what you hear. They are not the same. You must put forward the effort to listen, hearing you do not. It has to sink in and be what you want to do, not what you are told to do.
“It is what got me here and would not let me leave until it carried me away.”
If you want to listen to what I have to say, then say what you have to say. Nothing but the truth is the only way we can understand who we are and how we feel. Now is the time. Fill in the blanks, if only in your head.
My name is __________and I live in___________. I am__________. My______________. I now realize that_________. And it is because____________. When I was growing up, my_______. I got_________. Why________. There are times when________. I have tried_________. No one________. I need________. If_________. Then________. They__________. It_________. I am open to__________. I just feel________ I think_________.
There are two characters: You and I.
Dependent or not, much of what I say may not be clear to you on first reading. But it will all be clear to you once you start to listen. It may take more than just a glance; we do not always understand the “new” when we first look. And this is change. What we think we know is not all there is. What you read here, and if so inclined, listen to, is just another way to look at life. If you are dependent on anyone, or you have been, you will see yourself and understand. It is not a story. What you see is the truth. There are two characters: You and I. There is a reason why our lives are the way they are. No matter how you live, a dependent state of mind only grows until you think it away.
It keeps me from sinking, but it doesn’t allow me to swim.
You can only tread water for so long. You have to swim, or you will sink. And you must know how to swim. Someone must teach you: few of us learn on our own. When you refuse to give in to defeat, you do your best at learning from what you think about what you see. And what we see may not always be what we think it is. But until you know, say so.
It all begins with a walk through the mind. At some point, many will become dependent on others. They are not soon to realize the gravity of this burden until they are bowed by its weight. You are now where you need help to help yourself. What is this, you will say to yourself and find it depressing even to have to ask? I never knew that I thought this way, you will think. One thing you will know without delay, it is a sign of weakness. Looking back over your life, you realize it is nothing new. It is your background and upbringing that was a breeding ground for this type of behavior. And what was set in motion then still gets in your way today.
Once the dependent mindset comes to life in the mind, it will tug on you for many years to come. It will hold you back and become a way of life. And many of your choices are made with this way of thinking. You reach for the quick and easy. You will do that when you are willing to settle for less than your best. And you pay for it by letting go of what dignity you have left. And you know, the independent things you did when you were growing up could not help you overcome the weakness in you. It was all deep down inside. It held on and would not let go. No doubt you have had accomplishments and did not have the mind to hold on to them. Employment, marriage, leadership, and positions of respect, all of it you have let or are letting slip away.
Do not do it; not a day longer.
Nothing has seemed to change your dependent way of thinking. It could be you who wins just to lose on purpose, unaware, or refusing to be aware. I don’t know, just a thought. It is a thought worth thinking that no one would put forth the effort to win and then lose on purpose. Your mind—yet again—telling you what to do. When you should have been the one doing the talking and telling your mind who’s the boss. You did not do the best for yourself, and it was all caused by your insecure feelings and low self-esteem, which had always been there. It—in turn—caused you to think in ways that made no sense. You did not have the space to learn to love yourself. You do not hurt that which you love. And hurt is what you were doing.
Hurting is the reason for it all. You need to feel loved to give love.
When your roots are planted in loose soil, it will cause you to feel uncertain about who you are. All you can do is search for something to hold on to, to keep from blowing in the wind. Only a drive to survive is what you own. And one day, you open your eyes. It is then that you realize you have become dependent on those around you. It got the best of you and drove you to the wall.
When you live your life as a dependent, you always have to keep the edge—stay in control—which you cannot do. When you let go of your grip and try to be yourself, your advantage will give way, and so will your hold. You have to be yourself first because that is who you are, and in doing so, there is no need for control. When we are not being who we are, it will not be us, they know. If you have not had this experience, think about what it was like for those who have. The hunter is now the game. Do not think your “Self” into the grip of dependency. Though there are aspects of life that must be as we expect them to be. We depend on this as we do life itself. It is nature’s way, as intended.
Now you see it. Now you don’t. It was an illusion.
To depend on is a way of life. The way it is meant to be. To be dependent on a person, place, or thing is just a way to say I quit. It shows a lack of “Self” awareness.
You should never think you cannot accomplish goals on your own. That you need the help of someone else just to be whole. It is not how anyone should live. Never think you have no choice. In a relationship, on the job, or at any other time or place, you have to feel free to be yourself. We have the right to be who we are. Our role in life depends on it. We can be no one else. You only do this when you find it hard, for whatever reason, to be yourself. No one can know who you are when you do not know yourself. How can they? Though they will try, with your help, to tell you who you are. If ever we stray from our SELF, we must find our way back. There is no other way to look at it.
We can search, but we will not find a thing more important to us than being aware of the Self. If not, we cannot have reliable expectations of what life has in store for us.
Our world has to be made ready for us before we arrive. We are born for others to take care of us. It is to be that way—that is—until we can take care of ourselves. To do so, we have to be made ready. These are the things that we get from those who are responsible for our care. If we do not, our life can be a difficult road to travel. And no one will be eager to help if they think you should already know what you do not. Many will see this as your fault—the person who this lack of care and guidance has hurt. That is unless they have a reason to care. Not at all, though, if they feel they have no choice but to do so.
You cannot lift yourself up when your mind is holding you down. To be dependent when you should not be is not a good thing to be. But, it is what you do when you do not have confidence in yourself. It will not let you grow. You can be in a relationship where you are being held back by how you think your thoughts, not knowing what would cross the line that you know is there, if you could muster the strength to be you. All along, you are feeling your status is in doubt. And, of course, how could you think otherwise.
Depend not on a source when you do not know what you give for what you get. Simply put, this means when someone is helping you, and you do not understand why. For that which you are not sure, not a thing about it can be for sure. There is not much we can be sure of when we are not sure of Self.
When you are dependent, you do not know if your feelings are true or if you are just trying to survive. I would do what I thought I must do. I was bound by my status. You don’t know if you should draw a breath when you are not sure if you should breathe. My thoughts were disordered. They caused me to think myself into this. It would be another step like the other steps that got me here. I did not want to leave, but I could not stay. I, at last, heard myself calling. And I listened to what I had to say. It was the only way I could be me. There was no room for me there. But, of course, we do have to depend on life for what we need. It is one of the rules of nature. It is how we survive.
We do have to depend on life for what we need. It is one of the rules of nature. It is how we survive. To depend and to be dependent on others are not the same. One we must, and the other we should try with all our might not to be.
The Power of Thought
Here is where you should be if you are someone you know has ever lived with the hurt and pain that only a dysfunctional childhood and emotional trauma, whatever the cause, can breed. The seed is planted and grows from family life— no matter its makeup—that does not provide the nurturing, caring, and protection to produce a healthy mind.
Childhood must be a safe and loving place for a child to grow strong of mind and character. And to change how you feel about your past or any other issues causing you concern, you must change how you think. All that we say and do is preceded by thinking. And how we think determines—to a greater extent, the outcome. How we see others act and the impact of their actions is the result of how they think. And this applies to all occupations, positions held, authority possessed, or not. No matter the station in life, age, gender, or any other characteristic, it is about thinking and how you do it. Here we will explore thinking and thought as it relates to our lives and events on the local, regional, national, and international stage.
I suffered what felt like a lifetime of living while trying the best that I could to last through the day. Through hurt and pain, I tried with all my might to understand the meaning of it all. My question was, who am I? What is my role and purpose in life. My road had been long and weary, and the answer came to me when I was not waiting for it nor expected it. I was ready for the first time, and I knew it. I had found what I was not aware I was looking for: my Self. What I once could not see is clear to me now. I understand and must move what I have learned forward.
Though I had taken years of university courses in Psychology and studied the field extensively, that is not what did it for me. It did not hurt, indeed; I learned a great deal. But, no, it is much deeper than that. It is about telling what you know. Letting it come out when it has hurt too long from keeping it in. What I have written came to me as naturally as the flowers that grow and the birds that sing. It is a process that flows easily. I wrote the words as they appeared to me. My whole life is the reason that I am, and what I now know is the foundation of my beliefs. In this life, you and I both have a role to play.
When I say to think a thought, I mean that thought and thinking are not always the same. Stay with me here; this requires a new way of thinking. Your life will be better off for what you can digest from what I have to say. A thought is just a thought until you think about it. You cannot think of a thing until you have a thought to think. And our thoughts are based on how we perceive what we see, hear, and feel. A thought just is until it is not. Think of a thought as being inert, not doing a thing from when we have it until we think of what we want to do with it. The time between the two is quick. There is no way to measure it. We are yet to know when someone has a thought or what they are thinking.
Thought is not only what we had. It is also what we have. You thought, and you have a thought. It is what we have thought and what we have to think. You cannot force a thought—trying to do so is called thinking. Once we have a thought, we think it, or it moves to our memory. It will not be undone. It is the same as it is with life. We cannot change the life we have lived; it is what it is, forever. Think about this. What exists to us is all we know. And we decide what we are going to do with it.
Say you are walking down a big city sidewalk, and along the way, you see me in the distance coming from the opposite direction. You will have a thought based on your perception of me and my presentation. This is the first thing that will happen. You will then think about possible scenarios and interactions. If you feel at ease, you will continue on your way. If you do not feel safe for some reason, you will go in another direction or proceed with caution. Or you may not have strong feelings either way. No matter how you feel, your feelings will be based on what you think. And you will act according to how you feel. We perceive, have a thought, think, feel, and act. That is the course of an action process, as I believe it to be.
We are taught how to think and must decide what to think. You should not think in a way that tells you things you do not need to hear. Your thoughts belong to you. No one can think for you, though many will try. Everything I say about thought, thinking, and how we perceive the world around us has just one purpose. I am not trying to tell you what to think. I am merely giving you something to think.
We are all born to think but must learn how. One of the most challenging things to take as a child is that I could be told what thoughts to think. I did not want to be hurt, and what I heard did just that. We must decide the thoughts we choose to think. No one can do this for you. But, when we are taught from the start by someone who cares, we can. Thinking is what feeds the mind and tells it what to do.
“I had a thought but don’t remember what it was.” Have you said this to yourself? The reason is that it was not a complete thought. When this happens, it is not a thought that held the mind’s attention. (I did not think it was important then, maybe later.) I believe that there are two kinds of thought. Have you been asked by someone what you think about a thought that they have. As in, I had a thought about us going shopping today. What do you think about that?
Their thought is the first thought. You can answer but should not until you know what they think. You could ask, what do you have in mind? What do you think? Your thought, then, is pending. A pending thought is still just a thought. As a reminder, there is nothing that we have the sole responsibility for than when, what, and how we think. It cannot be talked about enough; it determines how we live, if we live and what is done with us when we do not. It also determines whether we win or lose, go or stay or just be in the way.
Now back to the question, what do you do with your pending thought? You do not know what you think yet. It is a thought that has to wait for the first thought. Someone is yet to think and act. It is the person with the first thought. When asked what you think about a thing, if you do not think about it, you will think nothing. Therefore, there is nothing you can tell them. On one level, they may want your help to make up their mind. They must think first. Otherwise, they are asking you to think for them. This you cannot do.
To try to think for someone is not good thinking. One can let another decide for them. But it will not be their decision until they decide. To think is a process that must end. The power of thinking is in when you act. Before you do, you can feel happy or sad, good or bad. How you act, how I act, is the best that can be known about how we think. This is true no matter what.
Wait until you know all that you should.
You should not act on what you think someone is going to say. That is, to the extent that you have your say before they do. It is a fault that I had during my early years. I did not see it as a problem. Though I could tell there was a problem. It was not well received. I was this way because I was always on guard. I was trying to protect my feelings the best that I could. This was my stance and my ready mode. Wait until you know all that you should. What you think may not be what you think it is. That is because what we perceive and think we know may not be true. Perception can be real or not. What is to us is not always what is.
Thinking is a process; there is a start and a finish each time we think a thought. Once you start, you cannot stop until you are done. What we expose ourselves to will be the source of the thoughts that enter our mind. It is then up to us what we do with them. You should not let thoughts that are not wanted stay where they do not belong—these kinds of thoughts you should refuse to have anything to do with. No matter the source. Let them go to your memory and let them stay there. Do not think them. They are of no value; no good can come from them.
You must open your mind to allow what is outside to come in. Only then will you know if what you hear is what you want to keep. So take some time and think along with me here. You will undoubtedly have to think in a way that is different from how you have before. What you have thought to be may not be that way at all. And what you have been taught to believe does not always look the same when you learn to think your own thoughts better. This, of course, many thought they already knew.
You may ask, what could motivate some people to do some of the things they do. What you can do to know the answer is to know it when you see it.
You are the gatekeeper of your mind.
What I say now and what I will be saying is not academic. I simply look at life in a way that many may never have. And I will give you answers to questions that you did not know you ever had. It is how I see the world and life as it was created to be. From the beginning to the end, it is all about life and how we live it.
My words and what I have to say are not fiction—it is about life and our existence. It is not about what we have been told. It is about the way that it is. What is here will help you to know that to see, you must look. You may see you in my words and what I have to say. When you do not, maybe it will be someone you know and love that comes to mind. Or perhaps one of those troubled souls you see act out their hurt in all the wrong places when there seems to be no reason. Now you will know what that reason might be. It is a matter of knowing the real you—the person you see when all else is peeled away. Through growth and enlightenment, we can all change the course of our life if that is what we need or want to do.
This blog discusses how we think, feel, act and why. It is a guide on how to live a better life through our thoughts. It will help you to understand how we all think. And will show that if how you think is disordered, your life will be the same. How we think is the root cause of our negative feelings. The focus is on the Self: your Self, her Self, him Self, and my Self―all of us. I did not always know what I know now. So I will share what I know with those who will listen.
First, you have to listen. The more you listen, the more you will understand what it is that you hear. You will think and feel what you hear if you listen. There will be truths that will cause you to change how you perceive the world around you. This is good. It will challenge the way you think. If it is not a cause to think, what cause could it be? I had to think about myself. And you will have to think about yourself.
For those times when we need to connect with what it means when we say, “that’s life,” this will be a reference. It is a way to look at the true nature of what is and how it came to be. The truth tells all when it is told. It is what we have to depend on. It is about how we view the world that each of us lives in. Our world is not just what is around us. It is also what is in our mind and what goes on in our head. It is for all of us who have thought about why we think the way we do. Change may be a stranger. As you step closer, you may see a friend.
Attractions or distractions, you be the judge. There are reasons why you let things distract you, even when you do not know why. When you are distracted, it can be good or not good at all. It depends on your thoughts and how you are thinking them. If a thing distracts you when you have good thoughts, it likely is not good. If you are distracted when your thoughts are not good, the distraction could be welcomed and a relief. It is the thinking that you do afterward that makes the difference in what you do next. So, it is not all about distraction. There should be more in our lives that we are attracted to than not. And there are several cautions that will be in your best interest to remember.
When you find a person, place, or even a “thing” attractive to you, it opens a “one-way” channel for your feelings. It is not a distraction—it is an attraction. It is by way of a preference we all have for that which “pulls” us in. We are attracted to people, places, and things that are attractive to us. But what turns me on may not do a thing for you. It is not by us; it is in us.
Attractions lead to desire, and from this point, how you feel and act will decide the outcome. Here is where a misinterpretation of the circumstance is likely to occur. Is it real or the imagination with a heavy dose of fantasy? An image created to take you and your mind for a ride.
Since the advent of modern-day marketing, lines have been blurred, and it is difficult for many to know what they are attracted to or not. Is it unfettered attraction, or have you been led to think—by suggestion—what you find attractive. What you think you feel may be the hype and manipulation of the marketing machine. Just as in relationships, what you think you see may not be that at all. When you peel away the veneer, you realize it was just an illusion, a trick to gain your attention. There is truly little that is what it seems to be; do you really know what is in that? You can “read the label” and still not know.
It has all come down to us against them. As has been put forth by the cautionary rule, “Let the buyer beware.” Is this person, place, or thing just another someone or something made up to draw you in to seal the deal? And then it is a wrap. These objects of attraction are like magnets; they draw you in when the wise thing would be to maintain your distance. Some will forgo all the signs to the contrary and plunge headfirst into the swirl of promotions, sales gimmicks, and marketing gadgets. The techniques are not exclusive to business concerns. There are men and women of all levels of society just as adept.
Though we can be attracted to many things, the intense feelings you can have for the opposite sex tugs at your emotions and can play havoc with your mind. You must decide, for no one can do it for you, if the feeling is actionable—or just the result of your life circumstance; loneliness, for example. The answer comes, and you must know it when it does, for it is not always so apparent. And there are those times when the intent is to deceive. Another word for that is a setup. One should know the difference, for it could be a lifesaver. You should take the first step only after an invitation to do so.
You are the gatekeeper of your mind, so you must know what to allow in your head.
When you are attracted to the object of your desire, the mind tends to go on a flight of fantasy. And before you know it, you will take off into the unknown if you are not grounded in reality. As is often the case, it may be something/someone you should walk away from rather than venture closer to. Much of this you may already know from firsthand knowledge; if so, treat this as just a reminder.
We base our preferences on how we view our wants and desires. They are subject to change as our mind goes from one thought to another. It depends on what is there to think about and what this does to how you feel. So, this is a consideration you must give before losing yourself in the excitement of this most powerful force of attraction. It draws you in rather than pushes you away. Far too many, to their detriment, are distracted by their attractions.
What distracts some the most is when they think about what they believe others think about them. And, of course, it is how you think. So, then they try a never-ending effort to change things about themselves that cannot or should not be changed. They change how they dress, how they speak, and yes, even their face. In their effort to cover up what they think is a not-so-nicely-shaped nose, cheekbones, eyes, skin tone, or other believed to be flaws. Some apply cosmetics of all kinds to the point where those who know them feel forced to lie and say they look natural and so becoming. It is not a nice thing to do to your friends and loved ones.
Do it because you want to, not because you think you have to.
Remember this, a change in makeup will not change who you are. The Self is your makeup. It is the soul of a person, it is who you are, and it does not change. New makeup is not what you need. An overhaul of how you think is what you need and will take care of any feelings of inadequacy if there are any. It will change how you feel, which will change how you act and view the world around you. Let how you act to be the face that you show the world. You should not depend on your looks to speak for you. Your outer person is only there to complement who you are and not to be the complete representation of you.
Makeup and a getup (outfit) will not keep you up forever: How you think can and will. When how you look does not match your inner Self, it creates pressure. You then must try to act the way you look. The real you can only come out when the outside is inside. How you feel, then, depends on how you look; with time, the looks will change right before your eyes. Try as hard as you might—your looks will not remain the same. They will lose a step to age. No one can march against time. The hands on the “clock” can standstill; the hands of time will not. And the struggle with who you see in the mirror is just as futile.
You fool no one when you try to hide, and there is no cover-up to make up for the difference. It is how you think and how you think, leads the way to what you do next. So to change how you feel about yourself, you have to change how you think about yourself. You have done too much, though, when what you do has you looking like who you are not—even worse—to act the same. We can see you, and so can you when you look.
A race against yourself can never be won
No one is immune to the urge to look, no one.
Some may turn away when you do it, but they like for it to be done and quite thrilled to do it too. Looking is what we do. And when who you are looking at is doing the same to you, why act as if you do not know what to do. A look your way, words they say can be a there you go or an oh no. A flip of the hair, a slight grin will tell you if it is out or in. You give a glance, or two, and you see they are looking back at you. I am not staring, I just like what I see. And how would you know that I am looking at you if you were not doing the same to me?
The sense of sight lets us see what we smell, taste, touch, and the origin of the sounds we hear.
We see our world through our eyes, thanks to the sense of sight. On the other hand, vision is what you have when your eyes are open or shut.
The senses tell the brain what they smell, taste, touch, hear, and see. Then the brain sends commands to the body. And perceptions are then formed in the mind for us to have thoughts to think. Our thoughts are based on what we receive and are formed in the mind to be recorded by the brain. The mind is where we think our thoughts, and it suggests to us what to do with them. We have the choice to overrule the mind if need be. It is where perception has its roots. The senses are tools for the brain.
Probably most people would agree—I know that I do—sight is the most precious of the five senses. We look out with our eyes and look in with our mind. The human eye is the organ that gives us the sense of sight. It allows us to learn more about the world that we live in than we do with any of the other four senses. We use our eyes in most activities that we do. Many of us fear the loss of sight more than any other disability. And we humans rely on our sense of sight more than many other animals. For example, many animals use their sense of smell much as we use our sight. And for sure, the best way to know that “it” is real is to see it.
Night or day, our eyes, each time we open them, send all they see back to the brain, where a permanent record is kept. It is much the same as a video camera, though there is no erase button. The images of everything we look at and see are sent to our brain for processing and storage. There are people, places, and things we see that we cannot get enough of and others that we do not want ever to see again. Either way, the picture will always be there in your mind. For a good reason, the sense of sight is considered the most complex of the five senses. To do most of the activities we do, we need to see what we are doing. And I am sure that without the ability to see, you would have to touch and smell it to become aroused. There is certainly not a thing wrong with that.
Looking is as natural as sex, and arousal does not have to be taught. What we see as beautiful is not as natural, for it is influenced by the “world” that we live in. And yes, it is also about being told what or whom should be attractive to us.
All of the senses can deceive you; even so, sight (what you see) will give you the best signs and signals that “it”—whatever it may be—is the real thing. There is no doubt that you and your mind have to do your work. It is not nice to be fooled, and quite a bit of foolery is going on.
To know what turns us on is best understood if we can see it. But it has come to the point that even seeing is not always believing. With all the cover-ups, pushups, and aides in getting it up, you can hardly trust what your eyes are telling you. And for that matter, what you feel, when you are feeling it.
You hear all the time that men are visual creatures. I am here to tell you that women are as much or more so. It goes something like this: The face, the hair, and the breast (for men), the crotch (for both), the butt (for both), and the legs (for men).
Now that is the way we see it. And you have to savor those things that you like. Because you cannot see, smell, taste, or touch the mind, it is the last thing most of us think about. However, you can tell a great deal about how some/most females think by how they act. And I say female, not a woman because you can distinguish the gender of most animals by their nature and how they act. I observe nature daily, human animals, and other animals as well. I have done this for the past eight years with few exceptions.
Here are other characteristics to notice when observing the women among us. Now ladies, you know it is true, do you not? But if my observations need to be corrected and I have misinterpreted my data, this is where you should correct the error in my analysis. Now men and boys, here is what you do. Watch the movement of her body and look at her from head to toe, and you will see what they consider their best assets. This would be your focus. Pay special attention to how they move and where they place their hands. And remember, it is not so much what they say as much as it is how they say it, and, of course, every move sends some kind of message. At times, it comes from the subconscious, and they are not even aware of it. It is nature, it is natural, and that is how God created us to be.
When a woman or girl knows you have homed in on them, your eyes will have done the heavy lifting even before you speak. The eyes, alone, can draw the object of your affection straight into your head. Once the eyes lock, not a word has to be said. Male or female nature will take its course. It is the connecting of souls and the meeting of minds. Even so, some women will look—on the sly—and see you looking at them and then pretend not to see you. They will turn their heads and try to distract themselves with self-control. They will play with their hair, look at their watch, start fiddling with their phone, or act as if there is a thing of interest elsewhere: They are afraid of their feelings.
We see with our eyes and envision with our mind, and we will feel what comes next. You either act on your feelings or move on and just let it be. The image and what you have been thinking will move further back into your memory, but one thing you cannot do is “unsee” what you have seen. And you cannot “unfeel” the feelings. It will be with you, and so will the feelings. Feelings that are as natural as the air that we breathe. Do not feel guilt from thinking and feeling what you do. Yes, it has been made almost taboo to think and feel some of the things that we do.
But one thing that is for sure is that no one can know what is on your mind. Yet, some out there spend a great deal of time trying to know. Some go so far as to tell you why you did or did not do what you did or did not do. And yes, some, unfortunately, do not trust themselves to be looked at or to look at.
Depending on the relationship, you may not be “allowed” to let your eyes go where they want to go. Whether you are married, single, a relative, or a friend, your eyes are there to do just one thing: see. But, of course, when your eyes move, you have then acted on your feelings. It is, for sure, at this point where you will know if your analysis of what you see is correct.
What you see at a distance may not look the same up close. But fantasy is built on the wings of imagination. And some things are enjoyed best from afar. What you see is what you get, but is it what you want?
I would say that it is just human if we were the only ones with a mating ritual. We are not, of course, for the attraction to the opposite sex keeps creation, evolution, and life alive. Without the desire to “mate” and the feeling during and at the climax of intercourse, there would be no sex. The incentive was created in us and almost all living things.
The most vital drive we have, and its core “mechanism” of survival, is the desire for sex. And the accelerant is what we see and how we feel when we see it. The “original” man would copulate, almost on the spot, for the furtherance of the species.
The drive appears to have been stronger than out of necessity. And, of course, there was no shame. It was much like you see other animals mate today. Whenever aroused, and I am all but sure that it was pretty often, nature would take its course, any time or any place.
By nature, sex is still at the core of the creation of life and is the base of the survival of the species. In the beginning, sex, more likely than not, was the sole reason for wanting to mate. Not so much love and affection. We are now as we were then, attracted first by what we see. And what we see can have a different effect on you than on me. You may find an average “lower weight” person more attractive. For me, I may appreciate the qualities of a larger mate. What you see as pretty, I may not like as much or at all. It is how each of us perceives what we see and want.
They say it is not nice to stare, but who is staring? How would you know? Perhaps it is just a coincidental look or glance; not everyone is on the make. Some have tried, and all have failed to make what is a natural thing to do against the law—to be illegal. The ones who do not care for the natural state of “man” and what we do, say that we should be punished or fined for lingering when we look at the female form. They call it ogling, “reckless eyeballing,” or some such thing. Others have suggested that it is an invasion of a woman’s or girl’s privacy. Do not invite me in if you do not want me to stay, at least for a while. We, female and male alike, usually will not focus long on that, which turns us off or is not appealing to our libidinous taste. Our minds are always on the prowl for at least something to think about. It is what it does. So it could be for almost anything that it is aware of.
You try so hard to be attractive and go to great lengths to make it so. But, then, some of you are offended when it is not the object of your affection or someone you find “attractive” who looks your way. Hold up. This can be man or woman, girl or boy. It’s as if the only eyes that are allowed to see you are only the ones you want. That is not being real, no matter how you look at it. Take the bitter with the sweet, they both can be a treat, and at the right time and place, it could be said quite neat.
We will not bend nature to our will. It is by nature that we can hear, taste, touch, smell, and, yes, see. And what we see can do what no other of the senses can do; bring on the heat. It is a fire that burns within us. It is the warmth by which we live. When the fire dies down, so does desire. But for some, the fire burns brighter and longer than for others. You may say this is all just being an animal. Sure, you are right; that is precisely what you are. We act as if we are so civilized. If you want to know how we are not, observe another animal species, and then you will know.
The five basic senses are smell, hearing, sight, taste, and touch. They let us live and are the means to be in contact with the world around us. They make life what it is. To have just one of the senses malfunction can be devastating. Without them, we could not survive. And, yes, survival is the reason we have them. You must be in contact with your world to be in touch with your “Self.” We live by our senses. They tell the brain what they have seen, heard, tasted, smelled, and felt. Then the brain sends commands to the body. The senses are tools for the brain and a life-saver for you. They are how we receive outside information for the brain to evaluate and respond.
First up will be smell. Yes, the olfactory of them all. There is some disagreement, though not by me, on which sense is the most developed at birth. It is thought by some that it is the sense of touch. Others, I included, say that it is the sense of smell. It is well-known that newborns know their mothers by their scent; how they smell. It is what no other has, the “scent of a woman,” and they can tell. And let us be frank; there is no wonder why when you consider the path to birth.
There are smells that you just cannot forget, and for me, I do not want to, ever. Though, I would say it is more an aroma that stirs the soul. That tantalizing smell of the female will not be mistaken, no matter how long you may have “been away.” Just with a whiff, you know. It is the most powerful scent to inhale for many of us. This surely was not by mistake. The journey of our creation starts there, and our birth ends there. It was designed to be that way.
There is a biological reason why the sense of smell is the most developed at birth. It is that we may survive and procreate. And no matter your beliefs, it is as we were created to be. Recent research (http://www.nih.gov/news-events/nih-research-matters/restoring-microbes-infants-born-cesarean-section) has shown that Babies delivered via the birth canal acquire a microbial community (microbiota) that resembles that of their mother’s vagina. Babies born by cesarean section tend to acquire a microbial community that more closely resembles that of their mother’s skin. The microbiota acquired by a newborn are thought to be essential for the development of a healthy immune system and metabolism.
I could go into all the details, but I will summarize to focus on the benefits. Vaginal birth provides protection for the baby that cesarean birth does not, though, as the research shows, exposure to the Mother’s vaginal fluids after birth does provide some of this protection. Now, what does this have to do with the sense of smell?
The baby who travels the length of the Mother’s birth canal indeed would be fully immersed in the smell of the vagina. It is in the vagina where the most contact will occur with the baby’s nose and mouth. The scent cannot but make a lasting impact on the mind and memory. It is as it is meant to be. It would not be otherwise. And neither would we. The male and female are different, and so would be the arousal effect.
Unfortunately, women—mothers or not—are now covering up and trying to rid themselves of the smell that is a part of who they are. The woman has been made to feel ashamed of her body and scent. It is so sad, for we need the human smell to remind us that we are. And we wonder why it seems that the Man and Woman are not as attracted to each other as they once were. It is not the same. Of course, it cannot be overly stressed that needed vaginal and perineum hygiene is a must: For you, me, and others nearby.
There is no denying it. There really should be no wonder or reason to ask why. But there is. Why does it seem that some hidden hand is trying to pull us apart? Whose agenda is it? When we interfere with nature, nature will talk back. And we will not like what nature (She) has to say.
We are born with our senses and for a good reason. It is so that we may live. And we have to provide the stimulation for them to carry out the roles that have been assigned to them. So, when you smell it, taste it, see it, hear it, and feel it, you will know. It is for us then to create, invent and discover those things that awaken and give life to the senses. We must put a name on people, places, and things to know what and who they are when we meet them again. One thing is for sure, though, we have been stimulated by each other, just as we are, from the beginning. The most intimate senses, of course, are the sense of smell and touch. When you feel it, you will believe it. And the sense of smell tells us much about things in our environment, even when we cannot see, hear, taste, or touch them. Though, what we smell does affect our taste and the things we are attracted to or repulsed by. This prompts me to ask, have we covered up our natural smell to the point that man and woman have lost their “natural” attraction to each other?
Smell is a very direct sense. To smell something and know what it is, the scent, with the least amount of adulteration, has to make its way to the nose. The sense of smell brings us into harmony with nature and sharpens our awareness of other people, places, and things. It can influence our mood, help us to respond to those we meet, whom we want to be near, and whom we want to see again. Our sense of smell is not as accurate as that of some animals. This is what “they” say. Well, the animals are not dumb at all. They use their sense of smell to find a receptive mate and mating partners. The very same thing we used to do in the beginning. Being civilized now and human, I guess we think it is not needed anymore. You cover up your natural scent with all sorts of perfumes, lotions, and potions.
Certain scents that still smell the same can remind us of past relationships and people we have known. They can stir memories that you may have once thought forgotten. Some scents make a picture come into our minds. Some make us feel relaxed; others make us feel excited. There are still segments of the science community that hold on to the notion, for I believe that is all that it is, that other mammals use a separate set of sensory receptor cells in their nose to receive social and sexual information from members of their own species. I say we do too. It would not seem so to some because we have stepped away from our natural selves. At times, it is hard to tell what is real.
The social behavior of most animals is controlled by smells and other chemical signals. We are losing our ability to smell nature’s scents. We have invaded our sense organ (the nose) with all kinds of chemical concoctions to make ourselves smell better. And this often suppresses our awareness of what our nose tells us. Many have been taught that there is something shameful about body odor/scent of the body. I do not embrace this teaching. People who use their senses of smell to test things usually say they “sniff” whatever substance they are testing. And there are “sniffers,” or should I say, those who like to sniff.
You hear it said that men are visual creatures, and this may be so, but nature’s smell emanating from the female body drives the average, even less than average, man wild with desire. It makes the heart race and the pulse quicken, and without intervention, the rush will explode and climax to an orgasmic finish, many times in the blink of an eye. Let me set up a scenario that was not at all uncommon in years gone by. There is likely no such need today as things are more easily done. Then, it was all you had in your toolbox, and you had to go there when all else failed.
Back in the teen days, when you have found a place with just enough privacy to be with the girl of your desires, the girl to whom your hormones have led you, is when you pulled out that line used by so many boys. This would usually be in the backseat of a car, a room away from the parents, or just about anywhere that would accommodate two teenage bodies in heat.
The atmosphere would be charged with hormones and adolescent lust of desire, where begging was the norm. You could not ease your way to where you wanted to go because of the one thing that stood in your way, the forever despised girdle. The small girls would even wear them as a defense against the teenage male’s probing mind and body parts. As much as you try, you are getting nowhere further than kissing, rubbing, and hugging, but there was always that last angle to play. At this point, you were in agony and needed to release.
Well, OK, OK, then, just let me smell it. Let me put my finger in it. And surprise, more times than not, this would lead to where you wanted to go all along. Need I say you would delay washing your finger for as long as you could hold out. My point is it is nature. It is in us, not by us but for us. No one taught you this; no one told you. It is just in you as a male. Your nose would take you there. To a man, it is more aroma than smell. It can make you weak in the knees and firm in the joints. It all seems to fade away in the fog of body washes and summers eve.
When mating first took flight, it was helped by instinct and smell. In this day and time, of course, we try to cover up, as best we can, our natural aroma. Man and woman likely did not look that different from each other, so it would not have been looks or some special getup or hairstyle that fired up the desire for sex. Or romance. Unlike today, man and woman did not have sex face to face, which came to be known as the missionary position. So named because early missionaries advocated the position as “proper” to primitive people, to whom the practice was unknown. I believe this to be legend. Though it would be interesting to know how this really came to be. And as far as I know, no other animal does the do while facing each other.
Yes, we are animals.
Man and woman were covered with hair, for good reason, with just four things of note setting them apart. Those things that made the difference, of course, were the sex organs and the female breast. Just as they make a difference today. It had and has to be this way for the survival of the species. And, of course, without perky and firm breasts, how would a newborn eat? Whether we believe we were created or evolved, we could not be the same. We had to be different to be.
Man and woman were built to accommodate each other for mating. The penis and vagina were not born by accident. Survival and sex (reproduction) are our strongest drives, and they are with us from the start. Some choose to deny it, some run from it, and others rush to embrace it.
Just a little sniff will go a long way. Leave your mark, and men will follow you—that is—if they can smell you. Sex is in our nature as living beings. And so is our scent.
Touch is the first of the five senses to develop in the womb and plays an essential role in our everyday life and even in our existence. While the other four senses (sight, hearing, smell, and taste) are in specific parts of the body—the sense of touch is all over. A nerve, also known as a sensory neuron, comes from every part of the body to carry impulses to the brain or spinal cord concerning the condition of the body. The nerves within the body are like the branches of a tree. They run the length of the body, from the soles of the feet to the top of the scalp and from just below the skin to the inner organs such as the heart, liver, and lungs. They give us information about the things with which our body comes in contact. And Body to Body contact is one of those things.
The skin is the largest organ in the body. The nerve endings in our skin tell us what we feel: what comes in contact with our bodies. The skin is a feeler. It is the organ used by the body for touching. Some areas of the body are more sensitive than others because they have more nerve endings. The body’s most sensitive areas are our hands, lips, face, neck, tongue, fingertips, feet, and the vaginal and groin area. Women tend to have a better sense of touch due to having smaller fingers. All they need to do, in my opinion, is to use them more often, as should men. The body is more sensitive in different areas for a reason. We detect if something is squishy, wet, juicy, smooth, rough, hard, or soft through the sense of touch.
If you are normal, with no hang-ups, it feels good to be touched by those who want to touch you.
If someone touches you and it is not the touch you want or the right time or person, that is different. It can be a very unpleasant feeling and can cause you to react very unpredictably, as you know. It usually does not end well. Or, what is worst, you say nothing to the offender. You must be the master of your world to be in touch with “The Self”: yourself. So, let no one touch you when you wish not to be. The most intimate senses, of course, are the sense of smell and touch. So, when you feel it, you will know it. And who would have ever thought there would come a day when there has to be a national campaign to let people know it is OK, even a good thing, to touch again.
This nonsense, if nothing else, tells us that political correctness has become a caricature. It is making fun of itself.
There are married couples, would you believe, that go for years and never touch each other. Some take it a step further and sleep in separate beds in different rooms. Now that is bad and is not good for any reasonable reason I can come up with. We know some of the best touching goes on under the sheets. Touch, in this scenario, is likely the last sense you use just before you taste it. What about those taste buds on that tongue? You may see it, you may hear it, you may smell it, but when you touch it, you know it is real. Just as with love. “I want a love I can feel; the only kind of love I know is real.”
There is nothing more real than the feel of the human body. That is when I know that you are there. To move your hands slowly and circuitously from the crown of the head to the bottom of the feet, taking in the hills, the valleys and sweeping the curves. Reaching and stretching to softly massage the “fat meat.” All the time, the scent beckons you to the honeypot. It is the smell of nature’s pearl. There is no better feel or smell than that of a freshly washed body—not just any body—where there are no cover-ups, fancy displays, and adornments.
Some like it a little sweated up from the start, after exercise, or some other activity when the “funk” is high. But however you like it, you know it is right when all you hear is the silent call of desire—a whisper though no word has been spoken.
The body has a language of its own. It tells you what it feels. The back will arch, the thighs will flex and tense, and the mound of Venus will quiver ever so slightly. And under the hood wishes to be set free.
The body prepares itself for the man and woman as the brain directs the fuel of life to areas that say, I need you now. The juice flows, the tide rises, and the boat floats. All is ready. You move to be received. An ache of desire and a flame of passion blinds the eyes, for we need not see. All comes from a thought, a smell, and the human touch. You are in another world though you have not left the one you are in now. It is a free fall as you pass yourself and leave your heart behind. Touch the taste of the body sweet. And find me where the minds meet.
Touch has a tremendous impact on most animals’ physical and psychological well-being. Our skin containing sensory receptors allows us to identify several distinct types of sensations. Numerous studies of humans and other animals have shown that touch greatly impacts how we develop physically and respond to the world mentally. So, this leads me to talk a little about Sigmund Freud, “the father of sex,” and his theory. This one relates to touch, and I have my own experience from childhood that illustrates his approach. It also has to do with breastfeeding.
And I have just a little to say about what I remember of being aroused for the first time. Though likely, it was not the first, just the first I was old enough to remember. I guess I was about—I don’t know— maybe three.
But first, let’s talk breastfeeding
In the first eight to twelve months of life, a baby is often frustrated by their need to suckle. This can be because the Mother is uncomfortable or even rough with the baby or tries to wean too early. Then the baby may develop an oral-passive character. (Now, remember that this is coming from Freud.) An oral-passive personality tends to be rather dependent on others. As a result, they often retain an interest in “oral gratifications” such as eating, drinking, and smoking. It is as if they were seeking the pleasures they missed in infancy. He may be on to something here.
When we are between five and eight months old, we begin teething. One satisfying thing to do when you are teething is to bite on something. Your Mother’s nipple, for example, is one of the things you find tempting. If this causes a great deal of upset and precipitates an early weaning, you may develop an oral-aggressive personality. These people retain a life-long desire to bite on things, such as pencils, gum, and other people. They also tend to be verbally aggressive, argumentative, sarcastic, and so on. I do not know about that, but I know about this. Or should I say what I was told. Not by my mother but by a person who seemed to know everything and everybody and was known as the neighborhood’s “head gossiper.” She was an Aunt and lived next door when I was a child.
My aunt told me my mother would come to my home and breastfeed me. She did not say how often. I did not live with my mother or my dad. I lived with my dad’s sister and her husband. And on this one day, while my mother was nursing me, I did the unthinkable. I bit my mother’s nipple off, yes, that’s right, off. I must have been angry. Each time my mother left, I am sure I felt abandoned.
Abandonment is another one of Freud’s theories. Knowing what I know now, I understand. She did not have much to choose from. The road she had traveled and the choices she had made—left her with few options. IT IS HOW YOU THINK. And how you think is how you feel, and how you feel is how you will act.
I do not recall any of this, nor do I know that it actually happened. But I could see myself doing what I was told that I did. With a beginning like mine, who would not be upset and sad at the same time. And if breast milk was a staple in my diet, I was likely quite hungry. Young twenties and working in a restaurant with no doubt irregular quitting times, my mother arrived late more times than not, I am sure. If my aunt had not told me about the attack on my mother’s nipple, I would have never known. As my aunt so gleefully told me, I opened wide and chomped down. It appeared to Freud that the infant found its greatest pleasure in sucking, especially at the breast. Though, I have never seen where he addressed nipple mutilation by an infant/toddler, if that is indeed what occurred.
Before I wind things down on the sense of touch, it would be remiss of me not to say a little something about sex. And as I mentioned, Freud was—if nothing else—the self-anointed sex master. For Freud, the sex drive is the most important motivating force. In fact, for him, everything, all of our actions and thoughts, somehow has its roots in our sexuality. Freud felt it was the primary motivating force not only for adults but for children and even infants. He was not bashful about promoting his theories, and the public in Vienna—where he introduced his ideas—was more than a little shocked. These were not the most enlightened times.
The capacity for orgasm from a neurological sense is there from birth; this is true. But Freud was talking about more than orgasm. Sexuality meant not only intercourse, but also all pleasurable sensation from the skin. It is clear that babies, children, and, of course, adults enjoy being touched, caressed, kissed, and so on. Freud noted that different parts of our skin give us the greatest pleasure at different times in our lives. Later theorists would call these areas erogenous zones. Now let us move on to my arousal.
I remember my aunt giving my cousin and me baths in a number 3 size washtub. She is a year older than me and always acted much older than her age. At the age of three or maybe four, my body and mind did not know any difference between what I saw and what I was feeling. It was all the same and had no label. The last bath of this kind was when my aunt noticed my aroused state, and the routine came to a sudden stop. As if a warning sign popped up in her head.
It is a shock to your system with no warning or prior notice, much like it would feel turning over in the middle of the night aroused by the onset of desire: And guess what, you reach for your love mate, husband, girlfriend, boyfriend, or wife and what you expect is not what you get. Instead, the body says, not tonight. I am not in the mood.
I cannot say that I understood what was happening to me. But I did know that I had lost something that felt good. To touch and be touched is universal; there is no equal. It is how our souls truly connect. Without it, where would we be? A lonesome soul is what you would have.
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