The Self is The Real You

To be self-aware, is to know who you are. The Self is our core, the essence of each one of us. It is where we go to be ourselves. A place we would never leave on our own. Our power and strength comes from there. If your mind and the ways of life have kept you away, it is your choice to go back. It is not easy to do. That is, unless it is what you want. And you have to want to above all else.

The Color Line

The Dividing Line
Across The Tracks

Book Manuscript Excerpt: Part I Chapter Eleven (Abbreviated)

I Work Both Sides of The Tracks

When left to itself, the mind has no power of its own; it is powered by the world in which it exists.

There were times—though very few—when growing up that I did feel free to be me. This is when I was with my White friends. Yes, it was the South this is true. And separation of the races was still in force. I did not feel comfortable much of the time. This had nothing to do with issues of race. It was how I felt forced to think about things I rather not. But With my friends Cosby and Junior, I didn’t feel this way. Maybe it was because I knew they did not know the source of my pain. When I was with them, I did not even think about it. It did not cross my mind. It was great to be around them. When I was with either one, I felt like a person. I had no worries, I was happy.

I felt the same when I met their parents. Cosby’s folks owned Deadman Grocery store in Cullendale where Blacks and Whites shopped side by side, no White aisles and no Black. Yes, in the same store at the same time without a problem. If not for Cosby, I would not have had my paper route. He put in a good word at the Arkansas Democrat for me to take over from him he had grown out of it. He was older now and had several years on me. He has his driver’s license, and would soon have a car. Their Headquarters is in Little Rock, so it is possible they did not know that I was Black. I am all but sure I was the only Black paperboy in town. And I am for sure I would be the only one with both Black and White customers. My Black customers had to be nothing less than surprised and the Whites totally shocked. So it is more than likely that someone from the latter group called to find out what was going on. Apparently it did not matter if they did no one ever said a word to me.

My route followed a long and winding course. The delivery driver would drop off my papers just in front of the door to Deadman. It is an afternoon paper and I would try to have it on my customers’ porch by suppertime. I am on my way as fast as my legs could peddle just after the last school bell for the day. My first stop would place me in the White neighborhood. Black folks, young as well as old, knew not to walk through this area. But that was not enough to come between my customers and their paper. And they are always right. They wanted their paper, and I am the one who brings it to them.  One thing I can say, they were comfortable with me—at least it seemed that way—and I with them.

Next, I cross the line that divides. It has the street name, Louisiana and the longest stretch runs along the railroad tracks. It seems to have been consciously drawn with race in mind.  It is understood to be just what it is. It is the “color line.”  Not so official yet observed as if it were. Well, I am not thinking about that, the only race on my mind is the race to get the papers delivered before suppertime. I am now on my way to my Black customers. They are from the better off to the barely making it, or so it seemed. It was a mix of socioeconomic factors playing out that were hard to miss. This is my most challenging area if only for the fact that not a week, or so, would pass without a flat tire. There was glass where there should have been grass.

This area was on the very fringe of the neighborhood. It was a subset of the Black area. At this point, I am still some distance from home. And I am pushing my bike, again. Half of my papers still left to deliver, and they were large. Much more so than the local paper. It’s back to the other side of the street. This time it would be a different White area. I say area because all the customers, on this part of my route, lived in this same neighborhood, just not the same area. Yes, that color line again. As I hit the last house, I am on my way to my community, Brown Hill, where there is no such line. There are still more papers to deliver before I can take the paper bag off for the day. These are “my Black folks,” I grew up around them. There is one thing I have always thought about, and still do not understand. The only customer that refused to pay is a Black person, a deacon at my church and a worker at the mill. I had a slim profit margin, and it took just one or two non-paying customers to put a dent in my pay. I had to buy all of my supplies, from the company, of course.

The paper is published out of Little Rock. It is now called the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette and has more readers than any other paper in Arkansas. It covers state, regional and national news events, and of course sports and other issues of the day. So pretty much anyone who reads the paper is reading because of his or her interest in what it offers. They want to keep up with what is going on. This, no matter where they were on the ladder of success. Social rank and status seemed to make no difference. There is not a happy ending to this, though.

Three months after I started my paper route, my friend Cosby was killed in a fiery one car accident. He was alone. Now there were two, Junior Biggers, who I hung out with the most, and me. He is my sole riding partner now. His folks owned a number of businesses and had more than a few Black workers. Though Cosby and Junior were a different race from me, we had a lot of fun. And we had a thing or two in common. One thing that kept us running close is the three of us owned a Cushman motor scooter. Junior and I at the same time, his white and mine black. I had what no Black kids in town had, a brand new Cushman and White running buddies. I thought this was the thing, and it was.

I must take a break here for an anecdote; it is all part of the story and just as true. I shall return to where I left off.

Even before the sound died down from the last bell signaling the end of the school year and the beginning of summer vacation, the boys in my neighborhood would go on the watch for the arrival of the “summer birds.” These would be the nieces, cousins and granddaughters visiting from up North. They would be on a trip to see their relatives and we would be out to see them. Of course, only a few of us were able to meet the grade.




Home Town

Camden, Arkansas

Part I Chapter Five

Not All Was What it Seemed to Be

Camden is where it happened for me. It is just down the road a piece—about 55 miles—from Hope. Hope is the home town of William Jefferson Clinton, known by most as Bill. Our Bill, you know, the one who was president. When I first visited Hope, Bill Clinton was just a kid around my age. He was and is a bit older. Who had ever heard of him. So, he is not what comes to mind when I think of Hope. Though, I am all but sure Bill Clinton made himself known to all who were within the sound of his voice, and beyond. No, what come to mind when I think of Hope are the large watermelons that they grow there. I do mean large, three times as large as you would see elsewhere. They have a deep green rind, juicy red meat and dark brown to black seeds. We all just loved to eat them and spit out the seeds. And they were a sight to see, as well. Folks are, to this day, still talking about them, and eating no less I am sure. They are legend. Hope is known for the largest watermelons in the world. This great accomplishment is celebrated each year with a festival that goes back to the 1920s. How did I get from a city street to a watermelon patch?

Well, at my school—the all mighty Lafayette Eagles—we had an agriculture class that all male students were required to take. We had not one but three years (?) of what at times could be a scary affair. Mr. Smith was our instructor. He was a short rotund man with no discernible features of note. There was nothing about him that stood out. He did have a limp that no one seem to notice or just did not let on that they did. Well, there is a thing or two that the women took notice of. He was single. He had never married. And was the most eligible bachelor in the area. He was sought after as if he dripped gold. That is until he surprised—I would go so far as to say shocked—everyone by getting married and fathering a son when he was in his late fifties or early sixties. There was something about him that the women were attracted to other than his money and standing in the community. Could it have something to do with the “mountain oysters” he ate? I wonder. One of his favorite things to do was to me very cruel and he would take some of us along. The owners wanted it done to their pigs. When asked he was more than willing to oblige all requests. Mr. Smith would castrate the young pigs by surgically removing both of their testes. And these he would keep for his consumption. We all thought it was gross, for his partners, maybe not.  It was a painful thing for me to watch and it pains me even now to think about it. How painful this removal of the gonads must have been for the pigs in a physical sense and we do not know what it does to their mind. Yes, I do believe they have one, as I do for all animals.

The main reason for this barbaric procedure is to improve the taste and smell of the meat for the consumer. As repulsive as it is to think about, there is no doubt, there is an odor and flavor problem in cooked pork from intact males. Well, there will no more sex for these guys. The testes—that produce the compounds involved in eliciting sexual behavior in gilts and sows during the mating process—have been taken. Mr. Smith knew best, I guess you could say. It seems he had always been the Ag. Teacher and would beat your back with what, at times, could be perceived as a perverse satisfaction. He would beat your back as if you had another one to offer when the one you have wears out. We are not talking buttocks here, which is bad enough. No, this is back as in the rear upper part of your body. These “whuppings” could be for almost any kind of offense. But more often than not, it would be for not doing what you had been told to do. Top of the list would be not turning in an assignment or not having the answer when called on in class. This would bring it on, as would just the hint of wrongdoing. Of course, wrongdoing is to be defined by him. If you miss church, his church, of which I was a member, you would get a beating. If you looked at him the wrong way, you guessed it. 

But the worst of all beatings would be if Mr. Smith overheard you call him chuck. I never really knew why, other than during his football days that is what he was called and he had a limp from his battles on the field. Maybe that is it. Whatever the reason, he would lose it and any sense of control would be lost. What he would do to you then would be called assault today. He would turn your back into “chopped” meat. His weapon of choice was a very thick piece of leather, formal name, the strap. As when he would say, “come here Oboy, I am gonna beat your back.” “You’re just trifling, go get my strap.” Beginning in the first grade, or there about, you start to develop a fear of the dreadful day when you had to take shop. Not because of shop, but because of who would be teaching it.

Mr. Smith had a reputation and he lived up to it. It was well deserved. There were many prayers offered up, I am sure, for his demise. The parents loved him. He did slow down as he grew older, but he did not retire. Well, that is, until the schools were desegregated. He most assuredly was not going to lay a hand on the White students. I guess you could say we were better off for the experience. If nothing else and there was more, this is how I learned of the world’s largest watermelons. What a price we pay to learn. I must admit, I never received a beating from Mr. Smith, though I came close. I was actually one of his favorites, that is, until I let my impulsive nature get the best of me on a trip from the Ouachita County Fair. There are a couple of things worth noting; Mr. Smith was a good teacher. And usually, only those who deserved his wrath were on the receiving end of the strap. Some were set on the right path by his actions. And it was a learning experience for all.

When you take the agriculture class, you are signed up as a member of the New Farmers of America (NFA). We would visit the County Fair in Hope each year, mostly as a treat. Who knows, I may have brush shoulders with our future president. Not very likely, we were the NFA. The new was reserved for the Negro student. You cannot overlook the irony of saying that the descendants of slaves are new to farming. It is all we were allowed to do. And it was bred in us. The “future” was not yet ours to hold, however.

The future was reserved for the White student. They were the Future Farmers of America with all that came with it. Back then to wish you were White did not mean you wanted to be. You just wanted some, a little bit, of what Whites had. To have the freedom to be you, which we surely did not. Of course that was not to be. All we could do was look and dream. Our trails did not cross. The law of the South was separate but equal. This is a doctrine to justify what in reality will not be. Just as no two living things can be equal even with the best of intentions. And here, the real intent was to undermine federal mandates under the 14thamendment of the United States Constitution that guaranteed equal protection under the law to all citizens. It is a goal that will not be reached. It is just a myth, a false motivator in disguise. This will always be true  when you need and have to ask for permission. No matter who or where you are.

I did not think of it much, if at all, then, but Camden was, and is, known more for other things than being within striking distance of Hope. They are worthy of note. First off, we have Susan McDougal. She could say no wrong against President Bill Clinton. Her home is in Camden. When asked by the Grand Jury if Bill Clinton lied in his testimony during the Whitewater trial, she refused to answer. This led to a jail sentence of 18 months for contempt of court.

There are others to be noted and are worthy of mention. Ne-Yo, who is an American pop, and R&B singer-songwriter and musician, is from Camden. So are brothers Stacy and Shaun Andrews, players in the National Football League. There are a couple of others, as well. Shaun revealed in a 2009 New York Times interview that he was suffering from depression. When commenting to a question he stated, “There’s some good and bad in there, if you know the song ‘Tears of a Clown,’ that would kind of describe my past a little bit up to now.” It brought back memories of when I would sing the same song, and another Smoky Robinson tune “Tracks of my Tears.”

Sam Walton, founder of Walmart, opened one of his first five and ten cent stores on Adams Avenue in my hometown. The Grapette Company the maker of the “best grape soda ever made” was founded in Camden. It is the same formula that Walmart use in its “Sam’s Choice Grapette,” today. This is the short list. Camden is known for much more. For a small southern city, it has much to be proud of, or not. There are two chapters in its history that I would not celebrate or wave a flag for, no way. The one with the greatest impact, in my mind, is when the founding fathers made the decision to transport thousands of enslaved Blacks to the area to work on the cotton plantations. My grandfather’s kin were hauled in from Virginia much as you would move your prized cattle. Yes, they were victims of this mass crime against humanity. What is more despicable than the institution of slavery? It is dehumanization of the worst kind. This legacy was handed down to my mother from her father to me. The other sordid chapter is when the Confederates won the battle of Poison Springs on April 18, 1864. These are turning points and a stain on Camden’s history, as I see it. And so should history, a sense of honor it is not. What decent person would think so. Well, one the boll weevil took care of and the Union army did the rest. Camden is where I grew up and I did not know any of this then. It would not have made a difference. I was in my world.

I came of age there, if it could be called that, in the Brown Hill community. The brown in Brown Hill is not because of the color of its residents, but the name of its founder. Though it was and to this day still is a Black community. We had not grown proudly into Black in those days. When we talked about us, it was Negro. When we were talked to or about, it was niggra or colored. That is when the speaker was being polite, and there were more than a few times they were not, so it was just plain nigger.

I Am
For You Too


I Will Not

You Never Know
Why Say It

Will You or Not

You should try to say what you will do, not what you will not do. This includes saying what you will not do now. You should only say—if you feel you must—what you do not want to do. What you will try your best not to do. Will not is a negative way to think. It comes from a thought of which you cannot be sure. With this way of thinking, you must put forth an effort to hold back. It requires a measure of Self control, which could give way. If it does, one time it is too many. The only thing for sure you will not do, is a thing that you cannot do. No one knows the future. Minds change people change.

Will is a great word it is the next word in a positive thought. The third word gives it meaning. I will do, I will not do are examples of what I mean. Will do is a will to act. It is a kind of freedom that can take you places. I will not, stops you in your tracks. If you do what you say you will do, you have kept a promise. If you do not, you have broken a promise. To do so shows a lack of commitment and a fail to follow-through. There are very few reasons, if any at all, to break a promise. And the most important promise is to your own self. You must always be true to who you are.

If I do not tell myself the truth, I cannot tell it to you. Not a thing can exist for long without it. It is what we depend on to know what we do is right. You cheat yourself when you do not keep your promise and tell the truth. Each time that you do, you take one more step away from who you are. Never do a thing to take away from your Self. The Self is our core, the essence of each one of us. It is where we go to what; be ourselves. A place we would never leave on our own, but our mind will. Our power and strength comes from there. If the ways of life have kept your mind away, you are the one to get it back. No one can do this for you. It is not an easy thing to do. Our mind should be where we are. And when it has left where it naturally belongs it will be hard to find its way back. This happens to us when there has been major trauma in our lives. To do better is a choice.

To be and remain weak is a choice, as well. It is what we have when we have not learned to be strong. Strength is what keeps us in one piece and from coming apart. Without it you will not stand firm, you will not speak out and you will not be heard. It is the way of nature. And if you do not feel you can do these things, you are not being who you truly are. For sure, you were created to be you. I was created to be me.

Weakness does not have the strength to be strong. It is a sign that not all is well. When that which is weak, joins that which is strong, the weak is not made stronger. The strong is made weaker. Be it cream to coffee, ice to tea or anything that keeps me from just being me. What was once strong has now been diluted. Strength or weakness of the mind is how we think our thoughts. It is not how good or bad we are. It is a state of mind. To feel or act offended is to be weak. To feel an offense and not act offended is a show of strength. The greatest strength is that which comes from within. Inner strength gives us what we need to do what needs to be done. 

I now know where my weakness came from. I did not have the chance to become strong. I had to do what I could on my own. We, as all living things, are to follow a growth process to be who we are created to be. When that does not happen, we are unable to stand on our own. We must have the nurturing and care that we need to flourish and be strong. It is a thing that is difficult for us to overcome when we do not have it. Growth in all areas is stunted. Though, overcome it we can, when we know what made us weak. It was a struggle for me to keep up.

The problem is I did not know how to be strong, because I did not know how to live. I would put my best foot forward and do a good thing. Just to turn around and take one step back to where I came. It was a thing in me that said you could do this. Then the reality created not by me but for me would not allow me to be me. My mind would not leave me along. I was afraid to step up to the line and compete. But I was a standout on my own. I was too weak to win and not strong enough to lose. I had the will but did not know the way. We cannot learn this on our own, we must be taught how to walk. And use our mind to practice how to think. Nothing is as hard as it seems you just do not know how to do yet.


I Am
For You Too

What I Said on Facebook #1

I Did Not Expect A Prophecy Type Reaction

This is the script from one of my Facebook posts. Not everyone agrees with what I have to say, which is good. It gives me more to say. This is what one reader had to say.

This was the caption of my post: And all the time you thought it did not get hot in Wisconsin.

Brianna Anderson Williams—We’re having extreme conditions all over, if not the heat its floods or fire..there’s No where to run baby, nowhere to hide (a song),seems like there’s devastation of some kind everywhere. There is a reason for all of thIs….

James R. Yarbrough—Well, it would certainly seem that way, but it is just nature and nature has not changed very much. You could say that the weather now is better than centuries ago if you believe the bible. It would appear from what little I know about the weather is that there have been shifts in conditions but no significant changes that would have an effect on the atmosphere. But with “progress” if it can be called that, it will not be much longer.  Think about this, just a small change would cause catastrophic results and not long after our demise. So no, the weather has not changed that much other than the average temperature has risen over centuries. A good example is in Wisconsin where I live and further north. This area was once covered with ice. And the reason we have so many hills and valleys is that the ice when it started to melt created glaciers that carved out what we see today. It is beautiful and I just love it. I am in paradise. And one of the things I really love about this area is that it is easy to live on a hill since there are so many. It is where I prefer to live. I will not live any place else unless I absolutely have to.

Now we know there are some who believe in climate change and global warming, that is an issue I have not taken up. I can tell you what I believe, and that is God will not let us destroy what he has created not to be destroyed. We may be destroyed but not nature. He will not let things go that far. Remember, if you believe in the bible humans were created last which make sense because all that we needed to survive had to be here first in order for us to do so. Now we are out to destroy that. We were the last created and now we are destroying what we need for our survival. He left it up to us if we wanted to live or not. And it seems from I can see we are doing a good job making sure our stay will not be much longer.

Brianna Anderson Williams—The weather breaking temperatures in comparison differentiate from 10 to 15 years ago. I know this past winter I didn’t have to wear a coat, maybe once or twice and no spring at all. The Bible is the Only Book I believe in and I as a Christian, God-fearing Person can see its fulfillment. And with our Worldly disasters causing death of thousands of people, and Wars affecting a many of people, some making it out with major complications, no legs or arms, burned, and mental disorders, fighting a war that should be over costing billions of dollars a day and we’re living in a Country where the deficit is over the roof and we have borrowed so much that we are not independent anymore. I have always looked a little further than my own circumstances; actually I am comfortable myself. Its just that it gets hard for me to be Totally at ease when I really can’t trust the Security of the Country and all the time the Battle within is of control amongst the overseers, the ones with power. I often think about the condition this country will be left in for the ones to follow us. How soon do we forget.

James R. Yarbrough— I so agree with you. How can we promote and support life and our continuation on this earth when we are destroying each other and what it takes to survive. I think about it almost every day, why do we kill, why do we hate, how can we destroy what we know we need to survive. I have been trying to figure it all out. The only reason that I can see is that God gave us a brain and free will and it seems we are not mature enough as humans, yet, if ever, to use them to our greatest advantage. But as far as the negatives of life, they seem to have started almost from the beginning very close after the creation of humans.  Well, as far all of this destruction we see today both manmade and by nature it has gone on for as far back, and beyond written history. And there are actually more people who survive the type of catastrophic events that you speak about today than in the past. It is because we have shelter from these happenings that they did not have. We have weather forecasting and warnings that often gives us time to seek shelter. That is not to say that many are not killed in the storms, floods, fires and tornadoes that we see. In the past homes and building were so poorly constructed that they offered very little protection. Though it is definitely unexplainable why we would deliberately kill each other, sometimes over a pair of shoes.

Now as it regards the debt and those kinds of things, if you go online and do a little searching around,  it will not take much, you will see that the conditions you speak of are nothing new. It is just a cycle that repeats itself. So my solution for anyone who will listen, is to be the best that you can be. Believe me when I tell you that it is the best that you can do. Bobbi, I use to follow all the news programs. I read three and four newspapers a day until I realized that the media were mostly telling us what they wanted us to hear not what is really going on. First of all, they do not know and we will not. So what you have are the media reporting to us what they know not a thing about. Another thing about information both now and then, I have a Bachelor’s Degree with a Sociology major and a minor in history. I love reading about historical events but I would never place all of my beliefs in a history book.  So you see, what we are getting is based on what is fed to the media, by those who really know, but they are not telling the truth. I use to talk about the news to anyone who would listen I thought I was informed and acted as such, so then how could those who were actually in the know approach me, they couldn’t, or should I say, would not. They know that when they meet a person who knows all there is there is not a thing they can tell them. I am so happy that I am now comfortable with myself enough that I do not have to use intellectualization as a defense mechanism. We, the citizens are too far down in the chain to be privy to the type of information needed to make an informed decision, I learn this in the military. I had a secret security clearance.

I am not as comfortable as I would like to be, but I will be.

Brianna Anderson Williams—I hear you. With all your education, training and experience you surely know more than I in such matters. As you say this stuff has been going on since the beginning, just in a more primitive manner and you have involved yourself quite extensively in worldly situations with sometimes negative outcomes because of your intelligence. So hey, it is what it is and will always be. I am gonna stop the news thing and listen to my music in the morning and let my own thoughts flow…I have a more clear understanding since you refreshed my memories of your experiences. So hats off I got the message! Very good.


Which are You
Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing

The Great Pretender

Why do we do it, we pretend we love God, but we treat his creation with disrespect and harm. We build relationships and then tear them down with our hurting words and the way we act. I say I love you when at the same time I am bedding another. You tell your children right when you are doing wrong. You get all dressed up just to go to church. You sit there in all of your finery. You shout out your love for God when you are having thoughts about, and lusting on, the Reverend. (Insert preacher, teacher or priest.) Or maybe this Sunday it is the Deacon or some other man in the congregation. You do not go hunting at church; is this the way it is meant to be. And why are you standing so tall, brothers, is there something you need to see, or, are you just flashing. Not to worry, they see you.

Yes, we are the greatest pretenders and that is why life is a lie for so many of us, you know who you are. You cannot live a lie and expect life to be true to you and then pray for what you have pushed away. A lie will never win over the truth. And the worst lie that you can tell is to yourself. I do not have to live with your lie, you do. And a lie lives on until the truth is told.

God created us with all we need to do the right thing; it is up to us to do it. He gave us free will for a reason. We have a choice to do right or to do wrong, what do you choose? When I say I love you when at the same time I have lust in my heart for another, this is wrong. When I say that you are my friend and I have a knife at your back, this is wrong. And no wrong can ever be made right. You can only do right after you have done wrong, that is the best that you can do. The hurt that you have done will still be there, always.

Of course, you will do better, when you know better, it is for you to learn how to be better, that is, if better is what you want to be. Yes, you are the greatest pretender and you know who you are. You may fool yourself, for a while, but will not fool God. You are letting your mind tell you what to do when you should be telling your mind. You are the master of you, not your mind. It is how you think. And how you think is how you feel, and how you feel will be how you act.

The Self Created to Evolve

You Never Leave You Get Better


The Self is our core, the essence of each one of us. It is where we go to be ourselves. A place we would never leave on our own. Our power and strength comes from there. If the ways of life have forced you away, it is your choice to go back. First, though, you must have the will to do so. It is not an easy thing to do. That is, unless you are sure it is what you want to do. Who we are never change, how we think and act can. It is often heard that a person is not being him or herself. This is not true. We are always who we are we may act as if we are not. Childhood trauma is the cause when our mind takes on a mind of its own. The mind is the master of thought and we are the master of the mind. Never let your mind tell you things you do not need to hear. The time to listen is when you hear what you have told yourself. That is when you know it is right.

I am my Self, which cannot change. Your Self, my Self, her Self, him Self, they all have one thing in common, the Self. When you are not acting your Self, your mind has to move pass the clutter of hurt and pain and come back to where it belongs. And that place is where it started from, your Self. From Self to Self is when you enter an enlighten way of thinking. If that is your destiny. It is not what is done to you. It is what you do for you that determine what your life will be. You have to change your way of thinking to get in touch with you. The best that you can ever be is to be you. You must always be true to Self. Never do a thing to take away from who you are.

How we think, feel and act comes after we are born. It is not born with us. It is not the Self. These are the things that make up our personality. Personality, unlike the Self, is a group of character traits. It is the way we show the world what we think of ourselves, who we think we are. It is how we are viewed by others, though not always true. It is only real when it matches your Self. It is how we act, and may change as we change the way that we think.

The Self is our own; each one of us has one. Life evolves, but the Self does not change, it does not shrink, it does not grow. It can be smothered. Then, of course, you will not be able to express your Self. The way we think is what smothers the Self. It will not let the real you surface. The self is there for all of us to be. It is not about how you act. That has more to do with your personality. It is who you are. Our thoughts, feelings and how we act change—this is when doubt can seep in—but we do not.

Our character traits are the most affected by the seeds of doubt. Doubt is the root cause of disordered thinking and this is what happens when you let your mind tell you what to do. One of the ways that the things we believe in are shown is through our character. It will vary at times and will only be who you are when it is in harmony with your Self.

When your mind is able to take you back to your Self—Self to Self—you will be more aware of you, maybe for the first time. An epiphany of sorts. It will feel as if a weight is being lifted from your soul. You will see what you have not been able to see, you. It is being aware of who you truly are. To know your Self, well, is to know you. You will know it because you will feel it. You will fit into you, which will push what is not real out.

You get to know your Self by being yourself. How great it is to meet your Self for the first time.

In the Beginning There is Creavolution

Creation is the breath of life from which we evolve. And our parents are the creators of us. They prepare, or not, the way for you and me. We do not evolve to the world. We are born. Then it is for us to be who we are meant to be. When it is all said and done, we are how we survive. It has been some time since I have had thoughts about where did it all come from. There are no longer days where I wonder just how life came to be. I am sure you have heard different from what I have to say, but what I have to say is the way that it is. We were created to evolve and that is just what we do.

A line has been drawn and sides have been taken. It is the main event of all things challenged. Were we created or did we evolve. The beliefs are just as strong for both sides. On one side, we have those who believe in creation and the other, are those who believe in evolution. Each is steadfast in their beliefs. Well, I have a different view. I believe in both as being the source of our existence.

The purpose of life is to go forward and create more life. It is what keeps all living things going. What else we do is up to us and is just a by-product of our lives. We were created to evolve to create. And Creavolution is how it is done. All things must first be to grow and become. Growth starts when life begins. Creavolution is the two cornerstones of life, which are creation and evolution. These two are the forces that are one with all life all the time. It is the new, which was created, and all things that evolved from it. From when it begins to when it ends. This is through the Creator of all life and all things. It is how life flows. First, there was creation. Then all things evolved.

We evolve when our needs are met. All that we need was here before us. But, we do have to be taught. Where there is a need there is a way, if there is no way, there is no need. It is called nature it is called life. For life to exist there must be the means of survival. We would not be here if not.  That is, if we are to survive, and that is what the Creator wants us to do. The question then is what do we want to do. Many of us are not taught well. So, we have to do our best to make the best of what we know and be open to that, which we do not know. The gift of life is meant to be lived. Differences in all things are what make it work, that is why it is there. And not a thing in life is the same as another. I say we were created to evolve because not a thing can grow and remain the same.

To have evolved when not a thing came first, will not answer the question of life. Evolve is what we do once we are here. It is not the answer. The answer is in the act of creation. And it speaks for the Creator. You have to believe it to see it. When you see it, you will know. These are the things that I believe. To create to evolve, you cannot have one and not the other.


I Am
For You Too

Are We Born to be Free

Smiling Faces Sometimes Don't Tell the Truth
Here Because I Have To Be

Are We Born to be Free

Marriage comes with a contract—vows—that is as unnatural as marriage itself. It goes against the natural order of life. It is an unnatural coupling between two people who are different in a major way.  And it is the greatest agreement that never was. There is but one true relationship, and that is with your kin. Kinship is forever, it is the only relationship built to last. All others that are, or that may come to be are unnatural, and difficult to maintain, at best.

Marriage is the most personal and seems to be the hardest to hold together. It comes with its own remedy if it does not work out; a divorce. And coming in second would be on the job. Or any place where there are people and you feel you have to be there. For whatever the reason you think you must. If there were a list, it would be limitless. But, there is a good reason why a society needs these relationships. It all comes down to control.

Most humans as well as other animals, need their space and do not like to be controlled. It is the type of wild, if it could be called that, which is in all us. It is a strong part of self that makes us who we are; it is the core of how we came to be. We had to be different to be, just as we had to come in contact with each other and closer than some wanted to be. Does husband and wife in different beds come to mind here. Being close is more than just a factor in relationships, and it is not natural for long periods of time. You can start to get on each other’s nerves. And if you feel you don’t want to be there, and you feel you must you will compensate. And we know where this can lead.

There was a time in human history where consent had no standing and force was used as a means to an end. This was not just in personal relationships. It is done, even in this day in some measure in all walks of society. We have seats of power in all of our relationships, someone is always in charge. If not, there would be chaos and disorder. We would all be doing our own thing and going our own way. There could be no expectations, and there would not be much we could depend on.

Many of the ills of societies today as well as the past, is because we have to be near each other. When at times we would rather not. You want it your way and I want it mine. And the times are few when we want the same. I do it, you do it and nations do it. One could wonder, if one were so inclined, why is it this way, why can we not all just get along. We will never know why, but we do have to work with what is. This is the problem. We are not doing a good job living among each other. There is racism, sexism, ageism, religious differences and a host of other things that come between us. Now, this is what I do, I look to nature. There is one other thing that is central and at its core, someone has to be in charge.

There have to be leaders, followers and all that is in between for life to function as it should. As it is as well, we have one who owns the means of production and the other is the worker. It is as it is meant to be. What can and does cause a problem and disorder is when you have followers wanting to be leaders when they are not, and leaders that do not know how to lead. One is there by the order of their birth or lack of will and the other by force or their order of birth. This causes an unnatural balance that goes against nature. Of course some who follow begin to lead and work their way up. They had it in them all along. They were where they were only because of circumstance. Nothing is so small that it is not big enough to grow.

There are some who say, nothing ever changes, the way it is is the way it has always been. I say nothing is the way that it has always been. Not a thing that was made to change has remained the same. One thing that does not change is the roles of nature. The male and the female were given their roles for life by the Creator. He handed his greatest gift of life to us with trust. If we even think about going against the will of God, life will be no more. Where we are in the order of life can change, if change is what we want. The changes may be so small that it seems that there are no changes at all, but when milestones have been reached, you will know.

One thing we all should remember, with freedom comes responsibility. The freedom to speak comes with knowing when or not. The freedom to choose comes with knowing the choices. And the freedom to be you comes with knowing who you are.

Everyone wants it, but few know what to do with it when they get it. There are some who suffer from role confusion when they are no longer bound by society’s conventions. They want the role that has been reserved by nature for others, and turn their backs on their own. Some things can change; the nature of our existence will not change to the extent that roles will reverse. If so where would life go. We are created with certain attributes, both male and female alike. This is by nature and it was designed by God. It is the way he wanted it to be. And this is the way it shall be, or not a thing will be. None is as blind as the one who refuse to see. When you go against nature, you go against your best interest. You can only get to where you want to go from where you are. We have been cast in our role what we do now is act it out.

Are all things that are viewed as equal, equal? To be equal, what is it, you may ask. Is it more than a feeling? In some relationships, if not most, it is what it is thought to be, or not. What are the benchmarks? We think we know it when we see it. For many, it is a state of mind. It is what we see it as being. What it is, is fluid and open to change with a change in status. There is no agreed way to measure it. With that being so, equal many times is no more than what we feel it to be. It is a thought by those who feel they need it. If it is done to the extent that it is done, too much has been done. You cannot make what is outside of you what it is not just because it is what you think you want.

There is not a thing in life that we can say without a doubt, is equal to another. This is when looked at through the lens of equality. It is a goal that is out of reach because it does not exist beyond conception. Life was not designed to be that way. We cannot get it and we cannot give it. It is a power we do not have. Even when we mean well, it will not happen. Each thing is different from the other thing. No matter what they may have in common. No two are the same. And no two outcomes will be the same. All things are created one at a time. Each is its own. What determines what comes our way is most times by our own design. Not always, but what we do with what comes our way is, no matter the circumstance.

I say, be the best that you can be the only person that you can. And that is being who you were meant to be; that is you. The real you. Let no one tell you who you should be because you can answer to no one but you. It is not possible for anyone to know you the way you know you. So do not let them think they do.


I Am
For You Too

Put No One Before You

In the Beginning
The Symbol of Life

You Are Number One   

Put no one before God means simply not to put anyone or thing before you. God created us with a drive to survive for a reason. This he did for all living things. Once you put someone or thing before you, you have lost what God gave you. Your chances of survival are then not as great as they were. We were created not to look up or down to anyone. We need not to be tended to like small children. If you do need such attention, you are then going against God’s will. Our drive to survive is God’s way of saying to us go forth and multiply. I have built life and I have given it to you, now do what you must.

God created life so that we may live. All that lives, lives because of him. Each one of us will become part of the rest of us. When the light goes out for us in this life, it shines on in the life of another. Energy created by God never dies it is passed on.  What God created will live on after we are gone. Once a thing is, all things that come from it are based on that thing. That which came first will always be first. It is the base for what is next. With all things, there is a connection. What we do with our life, in some way will have an effect on other lives. The first to be touched will touch someone else.

Each of our lives once set in motion will live on. If you exist at all, it will be. This is so even if we are not born, yet. So go forth with the knowledge and understanding that it is not wrong when you put yourself first, it is right; the way God meant for it to be. If you do not take care of yourself, you cannot take care of anyone else. It is nature, it is the law of survival. Look to your world. When you see or have seen someone you know who put others before them they are the ones who suffer. There is no exception because you have gone against the will of God and the nature of being. I say this for he said it to me. If you are told different, you are told wrong. We are the creation of God.

If I think of you before I think of me, I have the wrong thought.

This I Pray

Go Here When You Have No Other Place to Go
Only When You Must

This I Pray

 Pray That You Will No Longer Need to Pray

A belief in a force greater than ourselves is not going to save us from hurt, pain or lost. It will not meet our basic needs for food, clothing and shelter. That can only be done by you and me. Prayer is to help us through, it is a bridge over troubled waters not to be worn out by too frequent use. Though I will say, when you give thanks by praying it cannot be given often enough, no matter how much you pray.

Prayer for many is for the reason they have not learned how to find the answer on their own. I prayed many times before I came to know this. Prayer is just a step on the path, and to get to where our life is taking us, we have to take action. We have to move toward where we want to go. You will not hear the answer when you wait. Prayer will lose its power over time when you do not use your own. And that is, your power to think. Prayer is there only for when you have done all that you know to do. It will not replace what we must do for ourselves. And the strength you receive from it will not be enough. It has to be matched with your own. Nothing in life will work if you do not do it right.

When we pray, we are searching for the answer. Prayer is not what you seek. It is a means to an end not the end itself. It is just a tool we have been given. A very good one at that when used as it should. It will be heard only when it needs to be. Not because we think, it should. It has to be charged with the strength of will to work. Help needs help to help. There is not a thing that we should have more faith in than ourselves. It is a thing that just cannot happen, though at times we act as if it could. If you think this, you are not alone with this thought. There are many who believe that they must place more trust in someone other than themselves, but we are not made to be that way. Our Creator—who I call God—gave us all that a normal person should need. Prayer is just a call for help when you don’t know what to do. It will not give you what you must give yourself.

The next move is yours to make. If you pray for just one thing, pray that you will no longer need to pray for an answer. And that you will live your life in a way where you only need to give thanks for your blessings. We were created by God to have the answer; we are self-contained. We have all that we need to live, procreate and grow. We were designed that way so there would be no need for intervention. That is, unless we start to destroy the creation. Then we will see the true power of God. When we get to the point where God has had enough, we will know.  



I Am
For You Too


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