Dependent state of mind. It is talking to you. Should you listen? To understand what comes next, you must become a part of what you hear when you read. But you do have to listen to what you hear. They are not the same. You must put forward the effort to listen, hearing you do not. It has to sink in and be what you want to do, not what you are told to do.
“It is what got me here and would not let me leave until it carried me away.”
If you want to listen to what I have to say, then say what you have to say. Nothing but the truth is the only way we can understand who we are and how we feel. Now is the time. Fill in the blanks, if only in your mind.
My name is __________and I live in___________. I am__________. My______________. I now realize that_________. And it is because____________. When I was growing up my_______. I got_________. Why________. There are times when________. I have tried_________. No one________. I need________. If_________. Then________. They__________. It_________. I am open to__________. I just feel________ I think_________.
Dependent or not, much of what I say may not be clear to you on first reading. But it will all be clear to you once you understand. It may take more than just a glance; we do not always understand the “new” when we first look. And this is change. What we think we know is not all there is. What you read here, and if so inclined, listen to, is just another way to look at life. If you are dependent on anyone, or you have been, you will see yourself and understand. It is not a story. What you see is the truth. There are two characters: You and I. There is a reason why our lives are the way they are. No matter how you live, a dependent state of mind only grows until you think it away.
It keeps me from sinking, but it doesn’t allow me to swim.
You can only tread water for so long. You have to swim, or you will sink. And you must know how to swim. Someone must teach you: few of us learn on our own. When you refuse to give in to defeat, you do your best at learning from what you think about what you see. And what we see may not always be what we think it is. But until you know, say so.
It all begins with a walk through the mind. At some point, many will become dependent on others. They are not soon to realize the gravity of this burden until they are bowed by its weight. You are now where you need help to help yourself. What is this, you will say to yourself and find it depressing even to have to ask? I never knew that I thought this way, you will think. One thing you will know without delay, it is a sign of weakness. Looking back over your life, you realize it is nothing new. It is your background and upbringing that was a breeding ground for this type of behavior. And what was set in motion then still gets in your way today.
Once the dependent mindset comes to life in the mind, it will tug on you for many years to come. It will hold you back and become a way of life. And many of your choices are made with this way of thinking. You reach for the quick and easy. You will do that when you are willing to settle for less than your best. And you pay for it by letting go of what dignity you have left. And you know, the independent things you did when you were growing up could not help you overcome the weakness in you. It was all deep down inside. It held on and would not let go. No doubt you have had accomplishments and did not have the mind to hold on to them. Employment, marriage, leadership, and positions of respect all of it, you have let or is letting slip away.
Do not do it; not a day longer.
Nothing has seemed to change your dependent way of thinking. It could be you who win just to lose on purpose, unaware or refusing to be aware. I don’t know, just a thought. It is a thought worth thinking that no one would put forth the effort to win and then lose on purpose. Your mind—yet again—telling you what to do. When you should have been the one doing the talking and telling your mind who’s the boss. You did not do the best for yourself, and it was all caused by your insecure feelings and low self-esteem, which had always been there. It—in turn—caused you to think in ways that made no sense. You did not have the space to learn to love yourself. You do not hurt that which you love. And hurt is what you were doing.
Hurting is the reason for it all. You need to feel loved to give love.
When your roots are planted in loose soil, it will cause you to feel uncertain about who you are. All you can do is search for something to hold on to, to keep from blowing in the wind. Only a drive to survive is what you own. And one day, you open your eyes. It is then that you realize you have become dependent on those around you. It got the best of you and drove you to the wall.
When you live your life this way, you always have to keep the edge—stay in control—which you cannot do. When you let go of your grip and try to be yourself, your advantage will give way, and so will your hold. You have to be yourself first because that is who you are, and in doing so there is no need for control. When we are not being who we are, it will not be us, they know. If you have not had this experience, think about what it would be like for those who have. The hunter is now the game. Do not think your “Self” into the grip of dependency. Though there are aspects of life that must be as we expect them to be. We depend on this as we do life itself. It is nature’s way, as intended.
Now you see it, now you don’t. It was an illusion.
To depend on is a way of life. The way it is meant to be. To be dependent on a person, place, or thing is just a way to say I quit. It shows a lack of “Self” awareness.
You should never think you cannot accomplish on your own. That you need the help of someone else just to be whole. It is not how anyone should live. Never think you have no choice. In a relationship, on the job, or any other time or place, you have to feel free to be you. We have the right to be who we are. Our role in life depends on it. We can be no one else. You only do this when you find it hard for whatever reason to be yourself. No one can know who you are when you do not know yourself. How can they? Though they will try, with your help, to tell you who you are. If ever we stray from our SELF, we must find our way back. There is no other way to look at it.
We can search, but we will not find a thing more important to us than being aware of the Self. If not, we cannot have reliable expectations of what life has in store for us.
Our world has to be made ready for us before we arrive. We are born for others to take care of us. It is to be that way—that is—until we can take care of ourselves. To do so, we have to be made ready. These are the things that we get from those who are responsible for our care. If we do not, our life can be a difficult road to travel. And no one will be eager to help if they think you should already know what you do not. Many will see this as your fault—the person who this lack of care and guidance has hurt. That is unless they have a reason to care. Not at all, though, if they feel they have no choice but to do so.
You cannot lift yourself up when your mind is holding you down. To be dependent when you should not be is not a good thing to be. But, it is what you do when you do not have confidence in yourself. It will not let you grow. You can be in a relationship where you are being held back by how you think your thoughts, not knowing what would cross the line that you know is there, if you could muster the strength to be you. All along, you are feeling your status is in doubt. And of course how could you think otherwise.
Depend not on a source when you do not know what you give for what you get. Simply put, this means when someone is helping you, and you do not understand why. For that which you are not sure, not a thing about it can be for sure. There is not much we can be sure of when we are not sure of Self.
When you are dependent, you do not know if your feelings are true, or you are just trying to survive. You do what you think you must do while all the time painfully bound by your status. You don’t know if you should draw a breath when you are unsure if you should breathe. In times such as this, your thinking will be disordered. It caused you to think yourself into this. It would be another step like the other steps that got you here. You do not want to leave, but you cannot stay. You, at last, hear your Self calling. And you must listen to what you hear. It was the only way to be you. There is no room for you there.
We do have to depend on life for what we need. It is one of the rules of nature. It is how we survive. To depend and to be dependent on are not the same. One we must and the other we should try with all our might not to be.