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May 15, 2017

The Hurt and Pain of Childhood: Own It

by James R. Yarbrough

 depressed-childChildhood Memories What Do They Mean To You

Blog Note 2-1-16Do not cover up your pain with the things that you say and do. This is what you do to try to feel better but it does not work. It only widens the distance to where you want to be. In your attempt to protect your feelings you hurt the feelings of others and this is never good; of course, you know this for your life has told you so. No matter how fast you run you cannot run from the memories that cause you so much pain and misery. And to pretend you do not think those thoughts will not make life easier, in fact, the cycle continues. By the minute, day or month you are up just to come back down to where you never left.

You know, even if no one else does, what bothers you the most about your childhood has not gone away. You cannot stave off those thoughts of days long past that hound you from far away. They may be in the distance yet they feel so close to you today. Emotional hurt and pain is a symptom that not all is well with how you think. No new boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife or even children will change this. If you want to change how you feel, you must change how you think.

You cannot live in the past, so why should you let the past live in you. Let what you do speak for you, not what has been done to you. To some degree, this has happened to most of us. It is how you think about your thoughts. And, of course, your thoughts are the things that you have to think.

Black Female Worrying

Your husband or wife, or not having either, does not cause the pain. Neither your employer nor your friends are the cause of the pain that you feel. When all has been said, the pain that you feel is caused by no one other than you for you have not done what you need to do to resolve the issues going around in your head. It does not matter the source but the time and place was your dysfunctional childhood and family life. It could be from abuse, lack of nurturing and caring, neglect, bullying or some other interference, whatever the source the effect on your growth and development was all the same. This kind of treatment breeds low self-esteem and insecurity that only you can allow to continue.

Remember, it is not the job, the neighbor or anyone else or thing. The source of your pain is how you think. It is not the real you that they see when they look your way. You have hidden your Self under layers of hurt and pain.

You have struggled long to come out. No one knows the real you for you have not shown your Self to them. You have been afraid to look at you. When will you let the real you show up? There are times when no one is around that you let the hurt pour out. Not word can be heard for no one is that to hear cry but you. It hurt so bad not to be yourself. It aches in your heart. There are times when you need to feel that one person, just one, love you for who you are. But how can they when all they know is what they see you do. You have been wounded by your hurt. Remember this: “I” comes before you, they, them, we and us. When “I” do not come first, life will be disordered until “I” do.

Memories of hurt and pain from the past, will change when you change how you think. You have to understand this for what it is. How it influences your thoughts. It cannot be said enough. When how we think and act is the result of the pain we feel, we must trace our pain to where it leads. That would be our childhood.

Your childhood is real and the effect that it has on you is real. You must look back one last time. First, though, you have to stop your defensive behavior, which takes work and practice. It is no different; though, from other efforts that require repetition. You have to drop your guard, remove the façade while at the same time keeping your emotions under control. This is one of the few times self-control has a useful purpose. For when your self-esteem and image of yourself is at the level it should be, there is no need for self-control. You are then the real you, the person you were meant to be all along.

If the trip back through the hurt and pain is too difficult to take, try being me and I will be you. It will help you understand how the millions who suffer here, and around the world may feel. How they act is a way to learn about you. When you change how you think, it can be done. You are not alone. Yes, many of us have been hurt. The pain has its roots in and grows from a life being interfered with. This is where others have added “clutter” to an already hurting mind. You have to go back to this point as painful as it may be. It is there where your path to a right way of thinking begins. That your view may be clouded by time does not change a thing. You were a child in an adult world. It does not matter. It is the thoughts of your childhood that hurts. This is all for you and is meant to help you understand why you think, feel and act the way that you do. You will have to wonder no more

Is what you see when you look the way you remember it to be? Some things you can change; others you have to change how you think about them. The past will never be changed. Memories of days since passed should not be your guide. This is for a good reason. What you can recall about the past can change. Then your memories are more false than not. They tell you what was, not what is or what is going to be.

You can go to the past in your mind when you want, just remember to come back. There is no room there. The time is filled with life that has already been lived and the past leaves no space for rearrangement of any of the pieces. All of the space has been taken. It is not meant for us to spend more time thinking about what was, more than what is. Even when you imagine the future, it should be done with a degree of restraint.

If you suffer, and there is not just one way, you do not know why for if you knew why, you would not suffer. The why is, you tell yourself, at times, in ways you are not aware of, that you are not worthy. You think that you are not good enough; that you do not deserve to be yourself and be happy. Do not say that in any form. If you do, know that it is not true. The Self does not want to hear it. When you hurt yourself, there is a memory that has hurt you. When love is not there, the place where it should be will not be left empty. Hurt will fill its place.

The drive to survive is born with us. It is the first law of nature. Do no harm to what has been given. This will cause grief and will harm others in your life, as well. Most of the problems in our lives today are caused by how we think. Not what others think about us. We bring these problems on ourselves. Many times, it is when we think we know the thoughts of others as well as we know our own.

It is my hope that what I have said will have meaning to you and that it helps to heal your mind from the hurt and pain from a time long passed. Yes, it is your childhood, look back and move on. If not you, whom?

It Is How You Think

My Blog About Me Page Pic 4-26-17

 

 

 

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