What Did You Expect
When our mind tells us what we are looking for is somewhere else, we will not see it where it is. Likewise, you will not know what a thing is if you are expecting it to look one way and it does not. And, yes, as I am sure most of you have come to know, it can be this way with people. There are things that exist that we do not see. We cannot see what we do not know. How would we know it when we saw it? An open mind wants to know. There is never so little time that we have no time to learn.
There are times when we may think wistfully of the past and entertain in our mind what is going to happen in the future. This is an urge to be where it is not possible for us to be. One time has passed and the other is yet to come. The mind is focused where it should not. We can only get there from here, not from where the mind is. There is not a thing the mind can do without you. We should focus on that part of our life we can do something about, today is the day. What we can do for the future is face it. For the past, we have what we have done. We learn from it.
The more we think of the past and future the less time we have to think of the present. Do not concern yourself with time you no longer have and a place you will not be. We should do what we can with the only time we have. Time for the past is no more. The future when we get there will be the present. We should not use the time we have where there is no measure. We travel with time not past it. Nor can we go back to it. Our mind can go there, but we cannot.
The best way to reach our goals is by a step, by step process. There are only three different steps you can take to get there. They are the first, next and last. Going backwards will not get you there, unless you then go forward. And going sideways will only keep you on the level that you are on. You take the three steps to make it to where you are going a step at a time until you get to where you want to go. This way you know how to do it and it will serve you well to reach your next goal. When you do not do all the things you should do, to do what you want to do, what you do will not be enough. Any step skipped leaves a void and you will not be certain how you got to where you are. And it is a place where you could easily fall. There is no you would know all that it takes to get the job done. You can only get there from here. It can be done no other way. The distance to our goals is not as important as the steps we take to get there. How we think our thoughts is what decides the path that we take in our life.
When you think you have done all you can and know to do to be all that you can be there is more thinking to do. I describe this as not knowing your full strength and worth. How can you ever know how much more you have to give? You cannot. It is simple; though, some of us will not see it because we are not willing to believe. We can learn if we listen. You have to listen to learn and learn to listen. Now, what do you believe? Are you listening to the words that you read. If you are not, you must learn how to listen and listen to learn to know what your world is telling you. You have to listen to what you read if you want to “think,” what you read. Listen to what is said to you and listen to your Self. When we are born, we do not know how to listen. It is an acquired skill. You first hear, and then you listen. When we listen, we feel the sound of our thoughts.
To hear is not to listen. It is not the same. It takes no effort to hear. This is if you want to or not. To hear is one of the senses. It is there by nature and has no on and off switch. To listen is not a sense it is a skill. If you want to listen, it must be what you want to do.
Self Control is to Understand Who You Are
You will not hide your true feelings for long. Some try to do so by self-control. This is not the answer. It takes an effort that pits your mind against your own Self to do so. Life is all about being who you are, the real you. The Self will not be controlled, for long. Any effort to do so will last for a short time. At which point your control will lose its grip and your hold will give way. That is when we will act the way we really feel. This is what you are trying to hide when you use self-control. It happens when a thing you have worked for is at stake and it is close at hand. If it does or not, what is for sure, you will lose self-control at some time or place. You must strive to be self-aware, that you will not lose once you have it. To be self-aware, is to know who you are. It is your core. It is the Self.
The mind can be just like a misbehaving child.
It was as if I would be hearing silent words. What else could it be. A voice in my head telling me to do what I did not know I wanted to do. I would just do what ever came to mind. This it seems without any thought at all. The thing is, I was just not giving myself enough time to think. When I would do what I should not do, to say that I was sorry would be to say I was wrong. That was a thing I found hard to do. I would promise myself I would not do it again. I meant it, until the next time. And there was always a next time. I tried to take charge of what I would say and do. I did this by trying to control myself. It did not work.
My mind would not let me see myself in a good light. I was not aware of me. Who am I supposed to be? Who is this looking back at me when I look in the mirror? Is it a nephew or a son, or a smart child or just mannish boy. Maybe, I was a surprise. A mistake no one knew what to do with. I could not control my thoughts. They were taunting me day and night. I was the aim of my discomfort, and I could not share it nor pass it on. We will not control that which we do not understand. If we understand, we do not need control.
We can control some things, but not our Self. We must learn to live with, not control, ourselves. Self-control should not be the goal. There are limits on how long we can keep ourselves in check. When you feel you must control what you might say or do, you have to be vigilant at all times. It will let you down when you need it most. When we know ourselves well we do not need Self, control. The Self does not need to be controlled. Nor can it be. Self, control will give way and one time it is too many.
It is How You Think
Do not let a disordered mind tell you what to do, yours or anyone else’s. If you do, you will not think in a rational way. You will see yourself build things up and then tear them down. This is the way you think your thoughts. You will do this without fail. It is a pattern that does not change. That is, until you change. You have to change your way of thinking. When we do not think right, what we do will not be right. All wrong things come with a price. This is so even when we do not know the cost.
What I do know, is no one wants to stand close to the “flame.” Even you will find it hard to live with what is going on in you. No one will come up to you to say they do not want to be scorched. But some who would rather come near will not for fear of being upset. When we change how we think, how others treat us will change as well. When how you think is out of control and causing harm, you are the last one to know. We are not soon to realize it. When things are not right, we look at all the other places, first, for an answer. One thing that is for sure though, we will not harm ourselves with full knowledge of what we are doing. It goes against the first law of nature. That is growth and survival. And to grow you must be strong. You have to believe it to see it. What do you believe?
We have to hold up our end of the bargain with nature. That is, to take care of ourselves. What we put in our body should sustain us. And what we allow in our mind should enrich our life. If not, it is of little use. It should add to your well-being, not take a thing away. For each one of us, there are things that we should never do. If what we do cause a problem, then the problem starts with us. Most things can be done; it depends on how we do them. Never do anything in a way that will do harm to you or those who you love. If you do, it is a symptom that all is not well. No person or a substance will change this or take away the pain. If we want to change how we feel, we must change how we think.
Husbands and wives do not cause our pain. Neither our employer nor our friends are the cause of the pain that we feel. The pain that we feel is caused by no one other than you and me. It does not matter from where it came, we allow it to do what it does. It is not the job, the neighbor or anyone else or thing. The source of the pain is our thinking.
Once we know better, we will do better. Have you ever heard someone say, “he/she knows better than that.” No matter what we may think, when a person knows better they will do better. You and I may think they should know, but that does not mean they do. If they did, they would. You cannot do wrong when you know better. It is not possible, just as you cannot think of two things at the same time. Which is on par with no two objects can occupy the same space.
You Distracted Me and Disrupted What I Was Thinking
Remind Me Later
There are reasons why we let things distract us. This is if we know it or not. When a thing distracts us, it can be good or it could be bad. It all depends on our thoughts. If a thing distracts you when you have good thoughts, it is not good. If a thing distracts you, when your thoughts are not good it is a good thing. What you do next makes the difference. When we find a thing to be attractive to us, a connection has been made. It is by way of a preference that we have. And it is a thing we like that has a strong pull. You must decide what it means to you. Our preferences are based on how we view the wants in our life. They are subject to change as our mind does.
What distracts some the most is when they think of what others might think of them. Then they try to change things about themselves. They try to change how they look, how they dress and how they do what they do. A Change in makeup will not change who you are. The Self is your makeup. It is the soul of a person, it is who you are and it does not change. New makeup is not what you need. An overhaul of how you think and how you feel is what you need. How we feel will change how we act and view the world around us.
Let how you act be the face that you show the world. Do not let how you look speak for you. It is only meant to be a compliment to who you are. Makeup and a getup will not keep you up. When how you act does not match your inner Self, it creates pressure. You have to try to act the way you look. The Self can only come out when the outside is in. How you feel, then, depends on how you look and it grows with time. It is how you think that does not allow you to be the real you. We have done too much when what we do cause us to act and look like who we are not.
There are things that disrupt the flow of our thoughts. We rather they did not. They do not distract from what we do, these things disrupts what we are doing. Disrupt and distract are not the same. They are not of equal magnitude. One is merely being interfered with. The other is to have your attention drawn away from what you are doing. Then there is a reminder, which can be useful and serve a good purpose when still needed. But when not can be a disruption. It depends on if it was turned on when it should have been turned off. This will happen when we let ourselves be reminded still, when we no longer need to be. Does not matter what you are doing; “turn it off” when there is no longer a need. An example would be if you left the alarm on when you have no reason to get up.
On a more serious note is when we allow ourselves to be reminded of things long past that serve no useful purpose in our life today. A memory from our childhood can be one of them. Though, I have found that a reminder is just what you need when you want to make sure to remember.
Love Does Not Hurt
Many of us are confused by the thought of love and easily fall prey to its allure. When we are weak, the sound we hear may not be so clear. We hear what we want to hear and see what we want to see, not what we should. You cannot love someone who does not love you. How could you. That is not how true love works—this is what I believe.
If hurt comes to you from what I do, what I have for you is not love. And what you have for me it is not what it is thought to be. There are many things that love is not, and only one that it is. There is no substitute for where love should be. You cannot buy it, you cannot sell it and you cannot create it on your own. The source has to be compatible with the need. You must feel love for you, to love me. You cannot be in love when you do not know what love is.
To love what hurts you cannot be. You do not hurt the one you love, and you cannot love the one who hurts you. The things we lead ourselves to believe have no end. Love does not hurt. When love is not there, the place where it should be will not be left empty. Hurt will fill its place.
Who are we when we shed our garments and our “face?” It is we. I will not be true in what I do, if you are not true in what you do, to me. If I think I love you, and you have not told the truth, then my love is a lie.